It’s time, I’ve finally made the decision to go.
What triggered this choice? Reality. I’m ready, there is nothing to live for, except my girlfriend.
My name is Gabriel Tullio, I am 17 years old, living in South Australia. I am about to commit the inevitable a bit sooner than expected. Early last year I had an arteriovenous malformation resulting in a left side hemiplegia. I was supported by family, friends and my girlfriend for quite some time, but the injury has gotten to me. Just recently my friends have drifted as I am a burden in their eyes. I am a constant disappointment to my family and girlfriend and I cannot bear to see them upset all the time anymore. The past few months I’ve been having thoughts of suicide but only just now will I act upon these thoughts. “Think before you act”, they say. I’ve had plenty of time to think, and I’m positive this is what I want to do. I want to rid my self of this world, do everyone a favor.
My plan is nothing new to any other. It may not be the cleanest nor easiest way to die, but it’s what I’ve decided to do. I am going to slit my wrists vertically, slicing open my radial arteries which could take up to hours or as quick as a few minutes, I’m about to find out.
I would just like to say. I’m sorry to my parents and my girlfriend Amara for being such a disappointment all the time. I hope the note you receive in the morning next to me makes you realize the pain in my life and why I wanted it all to end. Amara, you’re the reason why I kept myself alive until now, you’re the most important person in my life and I’ll be thinking about you right down till  the last second. You were the light in my life and I hope whoever you choose to love after me will treat you a lot better than I did because you deserve the best and nothing less. I love you with all my heart, but unfortunately, nothing can stop me from doing this.
It’s time to end my pain.
Thank-you all for the support.
Gabriel.
4 comments
Gabriel, my name is Logan. I’m 16, and I live in Ohio. I am on the wrestling team, and I have nothing left in my life. My parents think I’m the biggest disappointment, I have let down everyone I know Gabriel. If you’re still here, I won’t try to convince you to stop, because I don’t want anyone to stop me if I decide to die. My life is absolutely terrible, I will never be happy, no matter what. What I will ask of you Gabriel, is tell those loved ones, how much they mean to you. You’re a kind hearted person, with a problem, like all of us. I’m so scared to die, I’m so ready though. The more I think of it, darkness begins to seem better than being in the light. I can hide, I can be safe. I just want you to know Gabriel, no matter what. I will respect your decision. I’m so scared, and lost. I just need someone who understands me. If you’re still out there Gabriel, just know I am always here for you. I don’t know you, and you don’t know me, but I understand. I sat the other night in my laundry room balling my eyes out while my dad was upstairs in his room as always, with a cup of bleach in my hand.. I placed it to my lips and felt some of it trickle in my throat. I was too scared to do it, I wimped out. Like everything else in my life. I know life is tough, and when there seems like theres nothing left to go on too, just think of all those who you love. I know I have, the few friends, the one girl I have always loved, they are the last strand I have going. I don’t know how much longer I will make it, but I want you to know, I will be your last strand, I want you to be my last strand. No one understands me, I cry in silence all the time, just silently crying for help. I just want someone, I just want my dad to tell me he loves me, I just want my mom to understand my life, I just want to hear “I’m proud of you”.. That’s all I’ve ever wanted. I can’t recall the last time I ever heard those words. I’m stuck, I always have tears streaming down my face when i’m alone. I miss my grandma, I miss my Grandpa, I just want to see them, I just want to hear their voices tell me they love me. When I close my eyes in the darkness of my room, I see a light, when I reach my hand to touch it, I can’t. I never will be able too while I’m alive. I just want people to understand that it’s my decision, that I can’t bare this life anymore. I just want to do something good before I do decide to go. I don’t know what I believe in, and that terrifies me more than anything. Where will I end up? What’s after Death? I will be here for you till my last breath. We are broken, and I will try to fix you.
Logan, my name is Amara, Gabriel’s girlfriend. Gabriel came within 10 minutes of death last night, I could not believe it. I walked into his room, there was blood everywhere and he was as pale as a ghost, my heart stopped for 2 minutes, I froze. I called the paramedics, they categorized him as a ‘priority 1’ emergency. He’s still asleep in high dependency ward but he’s on his way back. I’ll show him your reply, I’m sure he’ll love the fact that someone other than myself cares about him..he doesn’t have too many people that do. And that thing about disappointing me is silly and not true. I love this boy with all my heart and nothing makes me happier than to see him and to be there for him. Last night would’ve been the end for me as well. If he went, it would have been a double funeral. I just want to thank you again for the support. I’m sure Gabriel and myself will be in touch with you soon. I’m sorry to hear about your misfortune too, please stay strong and keep safe, I’ll let Gabriel know to reply as soon as he’s well enough too.
Speak soon,
Amara xx
I’m sorry, I send my best wishes, sadly, I won’t be around to see his reply. I hope you two are so happy, I wish the best, I hope you two find happiness together and have a beautiful life, I can no longer see anything but darkness. I will see you on the other side, it’s my time, tonight, goodbye.
Logan,
If you want to do something good, try your absolute best and find that last strand to keep going; to be fixed. Find the strength to not only live but to survive everything–because you CAN. Stay strong because you are.
<3