If Something created life I just wanna ask why …. for us to live with our struggles with no way out is so cruel but when the day comes for me to take my own life I will do it with a smile for I made my own way out and the things that had me stuck to this reailty I wont care about that anymore I wont take part In this existence anymore!!!!
Well I still hate this monday. From the moment I awoke I wanted to crawl under a rock and die.
The feeling of constant pressure on my chest has lifted somewhat but the feeling of tightness in my throat is still there. Much like choking. Only cried once more before days end. this day reminded me of a song by fear factory called dog day sunrise. ( not the movie.. dog day afternoon). Not sure why, just kept thinking it over and over.
I worry that its sick that it makes me feel better when I realise other people here feel like me. I guess its not cos I don’t wish it on any of u. I only wish u all the best and hopefully a way out of ur personal hell.
“I will either FIND a way out, or MAKE one.”
I like the dual meaning it has here, since the “way out” can either be suicide, or a path away from suicide.
I just found this site today and as a result, I have to skip my Day 40. I’m counting down, counting down to the day I might do it. I don’t know if I’ll get through with it because honestly at this point I’m kinda scared. Scared that I might not succeed and cause more burden to the people around me. Scared of how it’d feel like, the process of dying. There’s still that small part of me that hopes that everything will be okay again but that’s been overshadowed. Today seems to be better. Not brighter, just slightly better than yesterday but don’t be fooled by emotions. One day you’re fine, the next you’re not. I could still feel it forcing its way out. I’ve managed to stop it for awhile but I don’t know how long I can hold on. I feel like one nudge would just unlock it and it’ll spread like wild fire again
can’t handle this bipolar struggle and loneliness. Been looking for the easiest, most effective, quick, and most painless way out. Found pathologies in autopsy reports w/bag w/helium. Bag w/******** more promising but access is tougher. Any other suggesstions? I cant handle the pain.
I am now in college. It has been 3 years since I’ve lost my dad. Its been a hard three years. I am trying so hard to make it in this adult world. I never knew I would be this stressed out. I have been finding so many grey hairs. I am only eighteen. This is crazy. Sometimes I want to give up. There are so many days when I can’t find a way out of my bed to get to class. Last semester I did horrible. I lost my $9,000.00 scholarship. It broke my heart. I don’t know where I’m going to school next year. I don’t know if I can afford to stay here or not. I’m sad and scared. Last week, they found someone that hung himself in my dorm. I didn’t know how to feel about it. I didn’t know him but it scared me because I know it can be done now. I don’t think I could kill myself. It scares me too much. I’m afraid of what will happen after I die. I have also gained so much weight in the past two years. I am going to try to go on a diet but I know it’s going to turn into something completely unhealthy. I don’t know what to do anymore…
I have tried everything to keep myself going I’ve tried to see if life gets better. Let me tell you, it doen’t (at least for me). Lets go through what ive done, they say that opening up to someone will help, I thought I could tell my friend because he was good to me and we trusted eachother before. Wrong I told him and he bullied me for it. Now I have know one. My days are the same wake up with no energy, go to school to only expell the only energy I have, cry and eat for an hour and sleep. Yes because my only friends now are food and a blade. Its bot a fun life all I want is to die and leave this rotten horrible for good.
Just out of curiosity, is there any way to email members on here? There are some members I wouldn’t mind talking with through email or IM. Ironically, there is even a member that peaked my interest. Granted, I will try to see if it’s possible to see what makes them tick to better understand my insanity… And to see if there is a way out of this labyrinth called madness that doesn’t end in self-sacrifice.
Nevermind the music, I can’t find any other songs besides love songs… Illuminated in the darkness by artificial light, the laughter of madness ringing in my ears, I shall devour my wings once again… To keep myself tame…
26th of January
They said suicide is the coward’s way out.It is the one big solution to a temporary problem.But what if the problem is permanent,will suicide be an available solution?Today I’m starting my countdown,a countdown where it will all start and at the same time end.Nobody can stop me because even I cannot stop myself.So love me,care for me,stay with me,because the last days of my life will soon be a tragic end.
It’s 5am , don’t want to sleep. My life is a jungle I shouldn’t have traversed and I’m stuck in the quicksand of my own errors. Things will not change for me. I will eventually be swallowed and surrounded by warm shadows. I want nothing, I want to be nothing. There’s almost nothing left of me. I switch from being numb to being in pain until once again I feel nothing, a maelstrom that I will never escape. Maybe it’s time I got off this ride.
There may be no doors for this Dungeon, but there’s still a way out.
Today I wanna talk about suicide. I don’t mean to offend anyone when I say this, but most of you are looking for the easy way out. Now I know you’re thinking ‘You think this is the easy way out?’ When really it is the easy way out. You don’t want to stay and fight through the pain like most of us have. You can’t handle the pain so you want to end it all. The point of this post is to tell you all that are contemplating suicide that you don’t have to end it and you’re not alone. Look at all these people around you. You need to fight through the pain. Do you want the few people who care about you and what you’re going through to go through the exact pain you have right now? I know you wouldn’t wish this pain on someone else because it’s always unbearable. You never feel like there is going to be a tomorrow. I know that feeling and I got through it, so I know you can too. There is always a tomorrow.
Depression isn’t a mental illness many people understand, this is the problem with society because depression is just a big joke to some. The mental pain of knowing your unloved and that your not beautiful, you could go a whole day with getting told your beautiful but when it comes to the night and your all alone sitting down in bed all you can think of is the hurt and the abuse you get within your head, the voices telling you what they want you to hear. No one should feel this way, it’s horrible being in thus bug black hole with no ending or way out because your stuck with this horrible depression and it don’t seem like it will go away but there is a way out you just have to find it in yourself to get out.
Do you ever think that maybe this life is hell? That maybe we lived a life before and we are all in hell? That our only way out is to seek redemption or go farther into the pit. I sometimes wonder if the people who commit suicide get the redemption. That we have realized that we aren’t suppose to be in this world. That we were a mistake and our only way out, our only way to get to our redemption and happiness is to kill ourselves. Because that is how I view our world. That this is hell. We were in the normal world before, but we got sent here by mistake when we died there and our only way out is to kill ourselves. To right the mistake. I don’t believe much in religion but I have the faintest notion that hell and heaven are real.
Every possible way to kill oneself comes with the risk of ending seriously messed up and worse than one was before. I am not depressed, I just want to die. I fucking hate existing. I have to suffer every fucking day. I feel bad for my mom and her pain but there is no point to my life on this pathetic planet. If there was a god, they’d have some fucking compassion for someone who genuinely needs to escape. Fuck. No one can understand.
“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known loss, known struggle, and have found their way out of their depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with the compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
I’ve been close to the edge before, or at least felt it begin to close in on me.. At which point I would try to find some stronghold to pull myself back from. But right now, at this very second, I’m finding it hard to have any reason to stay. There is nothing left for me. There’s too much going on, but at the same time there’s nothing going on. Right now, a way out seems like the only viable option. The only good and reasonable option. The only option, really. I just can’t do it anymore, I simply can’t, and I don’t know if that terrifies me, or eases me.
I am nearing my point in which I will be ready to end it. Long story short I am a miserable dissapointment and life would be better for all that I loved if I were gone. I have made my arrangements and have financial taken care of (almost) for my children and girlfriend/fiance. No one knows that I am on my way out,and I would like to keep it that way. My question is,would it be selfish of me to make it so my best friend is the one who discovers my body? I would have documentation for him to read following his discovery,an I trust in him to do what needs to be done after I am gone. He has served many years in the US amry,so death and bodies do not phase him. In all reality he is quite cold and disconnected. Thank you for your response.
Ive been crying for 3 days straight im just going to end it its my only ,way out right now…..bye
Not that I want to hurt anyone my choice isn’t to hurt the people most suicidal people have thoughts of hurting other people not me though….Maybe tomorrow will be different if you actually open your eyes and see how your living don’t have the same thoughts about the darkness an pain try to reach out of the darkness into the light suicide isn’t the way out its just a break from the least horrible things once you die you have nothing and cant be anything anymore because you wanted to get away….I know how it is to be afraid of your own mind I understand. To feel like your drowning into your own thoughts and nobody can hear or see you struggle… Sometimes you just have to have two consciences one that you have already brought into the darkness and have another one to tell you stop everything.. cutting & starving and something better than continue ”YOUR OWN SELF DESTRUCTION”. don’t fall into suicide its just another way of darkness taking place in what YOU STARTED.