Are you sure that plan is completely irreversible? Would you think of there´d be a chance of you failed and coming back to life and suffer once more? Why not put a rug on it? Or do it in a place that wouldn´t be stained at all, but I guess doing it on the bed would be so much more comfortable for one last time.
Have you considered who’ll find your body afterward, it’s something to consider, I’d love to use a hotel but I’d feel sorry for the cleaner or whoever comes a calling; hope it’s painless for you.
I don’t think it will be a pleasant site for anyone who opens the door and discovers you. Maybe right before you go, I’d post a ”Don’t knock or enter, just Call 911” as a courtesy? They won’t see it till cleaning time the next morning. Enough time to make sure you can’t be revived. Nothing worse than drinking your meals through a straw the rest of your life. Then again, you probably wouldn’t have the mental capacity to know your condition…
I don’t know about you folks, but if I hadn’t spent my life worrying about trying to make life easier for other people I wouldn’t be where I am now. My final act will have to be without regard for the clean-up crew.
Worrying about other people instead of doing what you want in life is such a shame, I agree, to hell with it as I’m dead now, but I would still prefer, if possible, that the authorities find me, unless I had someone I hated, then they can find me and deal with the crap.
I must ask you. It seems we have both come to terms with the same decision. When you came to terms with this, did you feel like a giant weight had been lifted from your shoulders…dare I say a sense of joy. Its scary. But its real.
True, no plan is foolproof, even a gun to the head, but some are prone to failure more than others, I dream of a clean death but know that’s a dream of all of us here. I’ve only made two very half-hearted attempts, just testing really but, I don’t know, to have decided like you, I can’t really comment further. I did made a desision to go 2 years ago and, as you said earlier, I felt great, walking on air, no-one could touch me, I wished I hadn’t chickened out but I dic and got a rubbish job instead which I hate, still making plans but don’t feel like I did then.
Is there PM on this site. I am very interested to hear what method you chose and why it did not work out. I’ve worked about as many kinks out of mine, done as much research as one can do to increase those odds. I know methods cant be discussed in a public setting here.
Last time was just a simple experiment on partial suspension, seeing if I would pass out, never really got there as I panicked, will try again soon, the first was silly, plastic bag and adhesive tape, never going to work.
Just make it interesting. If I ever get the balls to do it…I’m pretty sure I will. My whole reason for not doing it is there’s no sort of afterlife I believe in enough to bet my life on it. What if we’re born and die and its one non stop fucking circle? What if there’s nothing at all? There’s no point to either activity. But if you want a painless death, check out the book final exit. Buy a gas mask and a helium tank.
The helium hood seems to be the ‘creme da la creme’ of suicide methods as I can make out but it’s complicated to get the bits needed so I’ll have to just stick with the more common methods at the moment and hope for the best. Your mention of life being a circle scares me, to think I’ll have to go through this bloody life again but it does explain deja vu.
Yeah. I get weird flashbacks, like I’ve already done this before-over and over and over with no end in sight. Which is why I haven’t ever tried. I’ve dreamt about possible deaths at different times in my life, as if they were times I could have ended the story. If you can get a baloon tank at walmart, and a cheap respirator, and enough hoses to connect the two, it seems the way to go. Combine that with a sedative, and you won’t have a clue.
Nias, yeah I looked into the Exit Bag, but I got way too caught up in the complications and technicalities of it. So I am going for the partial susp. Id hate to say it, but I’ve been practicing. Hell, even that has its own set of complications and technicalities. But we’ll see I guess.
I’ll probably get banned from the site from going this into detail, but knot to your left, or slightly back left, nylon rope is what I have found to be the most “comfortable”…rope size…im not good with measurements, but thicker than an electrical extension cord, but thinner than a rope you would climb with. The carotid artery on your right side is what we want to compress. However I have seen stuff on the net that says knot at the front? I dont understand that, nor am I trying that. But the vast majority say what I pretty much detailed.
Allbutover, I couldn’t respond directly to your question above, so I’m responding here. No, I don’t feel that joy — although I do know to what you refer. I will leave with a guilty conscience because I have a 13 year-old daughter. Years ago, knowing that I could leave anytime gave me enough relief to continue living. Now, however, I don’t feel that burden lifted. I’m leaving with a very heavy heart.
I understand what you mean. I am not married, nor do I have children and I am very VERY thankful to be in a “nothing to lose” situation. But I can see there will certainly be some pro’s/con’s weighing on your end. Unfortunately tho, knowing that I can leave anytime only gives me slight relief but not enough to make me change my mind, as you had referenced. Hit me up if you want to chat sometime…in the next couple weeks.
Counting Down the Years and Nias….both of you. squareshape11@gmail.com This is not my real email addy and the name associated with this is not my real name (gotta take precautions ya know). However I do use that email account for “dummy” purposes. Either of you can drop a line there whenever and I will reply. My purpose of coming to this site was to find a couple people to stay in contact with who are traveling down that same grey colored highway as I am. I think it’s good for the short term.
I’ll keep the e-mail address handy. My problem is that sometimes I’m ok, depressed but ok and other times I hate myself and don’t want to be here. I don’t know if I’ll ever have enough inner strength do it, a practice yes, to see what it’s like to be short of breath, however, will the day come when things just overwhelm me, I honestly don’t know, I think it’ll be an impulse thing, I’ve come close once to juming into the sea but something held me back, I wish I was certain like Counting down the years. I’ll be posting comments on SP for a while yet no doubt.
I hear you on that one. Its a constant back and forth mind set. But since I last posted, you kind of sparked my interest in mentioning the helium/exit bag in a earlier post. I’ve researched it a bit here and there in the past, but just tonight I started researching it again. Its a lot of work and money will need to be spent, and of course I’ve seen many threads of failures. But damn, if that could be pulled off successfully, you cant ask for much better than that.
I said earlier that helium bag was the creme dela creme because I thought it was a really successful method, to go to all that trouble just to fail, may as well suck on my exhaust pipe, enough smoke comes out of it now, twenty year old bucket of rust. There’s a thread on here that has 700 odd comments about helium, might take a look at some point.
Funny after I posted that, I must have done minimum 2 hours of research on the net about the exit bag/helium. While it sounds so sweet, once again all the complications of optimizing, and stories of failure. Ugghh. Humans should have been developed with a self-destruct switch, I mean good grief. So I’m about 50/50 between the partial susp & the exit helium. If you guys are interested I found a tiny website that actually includes the most important chapter right from that peace pill book or whatever its called. basically goes into detail about making the bag and many other important stuff. If you want the URL let me know. But yeah 2 canisters, a T connector, and a flow regulator.
I on the other hand would love if reincarnation would exist; surely would take my chances now and end this misery just to see if the potential new life could bring me a completely new set of possibilities, and perhaps even some delight and pleasure to begin with.
Have to give a tremendous salute to the folks going for the hanging. I never would have the guts to do that – especially if not using the neck breaking method. Had a near-death experience as a kid; almost drowned and still get horrified of choking sensation.
My departure will be a death by car; just hoping it´ll end it for once. No slow lingering death in some God forsaken ditch – slowly withering away, alone. But if 120 mph into a rock wall don’t kill me then I got to hand it to the man upstairs – fuck you too. Also removing any fuses for the airbags, so they can’t interfere. And luckily no caring family, friends or any other obligations towards anywhere – so justified for the peace.
I actually survived my attempt of suicide by car accident. 85mph into a rock wall, car was destroyed and I walked out with barely a scratch.
I sat there, on a deserted road by the lake crying in the dark, wondering how, and why did I have to survive. But of course everyone believe my lie that the rain earlier in the day amounted to me oversteering and losing control of my car. They just question and were suspicious as to why I was so far away from home at 2 in the morning.
Sorry LovingLife, I felt compelled to tell you my experience after reading your planned method of exit. I will not and cannot tell you to not commit suicide, as I respect your rights and ability to make choices for yourself, but I can only tell you that you still have a choice and time. I will only extend my hand to anyone in need and if you ever need someone to talk to, I would be more than willing to listen. But if you choose to follow through with your plan I wish you luck and I hope you find your peace.
Take care.
Please mind any typos, I notice my spelling and grammar can be atrocious at times.
It must have been quite a tremendous feeling to let the steering wheel turn and let go; despair sets in me profoundly now. Very glad though that you survived it and didn´t suffer any major physical injuries – very fortunate in that regard I suppose, although the plan for the demise wasn´t successful. You were lucky indeed; maybe it had some deeper purpose – perhaps you are destined to be or do something very prestigious in your life.
My life is coming to an end in a few months anyway whether I want it or not. Maybe you haven´t read my posts here before but got terminal condition. As I´ve said before rather burn out than fade away in an agonizing death.
I bet we will meet here again. I still got some strength and fight inside so not giving up just yet.
Take care, and all the best for you.
Sorry for the typos; my spelling and grammar are usually pretty awful.
Lovinglife, I didn’t know you had a terminal condition. Facing one’s mortality by one’s own choice is one thing. Facing it under terms over which one has no control is something entirely different. I’ll be with you along the way, if you like.
Thank you Counting Down the Years, it is almost unacceptable to face the inevitable death; as my username says I love life and had no intention of suicide before this. Acceptance and letting go slowly are the things that eat me alive. I feel hopeless but don’t recognize being a very depressed person at the time, and that makes it even harder to cope with.
Suicide is a viable option – and a must in a sense – when symptoms get too much to bear with. Still, I got 29 years of life and 25 of them were not all that bad; had my own set of problems and difficulties in life but endured them somewhat bravely.
One thing if could have changed is the condition I´m having – a certain brain tumor for example would´ve been more than welcome whereby I could have lived my life to the fullest pretty much until the very end – in some cases at least. But sadly my situation is just the opposite.
Really appreciate the support. Hopefully can offer some spiritual help in return if any way possible; after all, you are going through the same as me but with very varied set of circumstances.
“It’s only with hope that the way up the slope can be found.â€
– Constance Chuks Friday
43 comments
What´s the plan? How certain are you about this plan of yours? Funny thing is, mines on August as well.
Put a bunch of trash bags on the bed so I don’t ruin the mattress when I lose bowel and bladder control, and inhale my way into oblivion.
Are you sure that plan is completely irreversible? Would you think of there´d be a chance of you failed and coming back to life and suffer once more? Why not put a rug on it? Or do it in a place that wouldn´t be stained at all, but I guess doing it on the bed would be so much more comfortable for one last time.
That would be a good plan.
I must add, will it be painful?
They say it’s not. Regardless, it can’t be more painful than this existence.
Have you considered who’ll find your body afterward, it’s something to consider, I’d love to use a hotel but I’d feel sorry for the cleaner or whoever comes a calling; hope it’s painless for you.
I don’t think it will be a pleasant site for anyone who opens the door and discovers you. Maybe right before you go, I’d post a ”Don’t knock or enter, just Call 911” as a courtesy? They won’t see it till cleaning time the next morning. Enough time to make sure you can’t be revived. Nothing worse than drinking your meals through a straw the rest of your life. Then again, you probably wouldn’t have the mental capacity to know your condition…
That’s the problem with firearms when one is not successful. Big mess and the consequences can be horrific.
I don’t know about you folks, but if I hadn’t spent my life worrying about trying to make life easier for other people I wouldn’t be where I am now. My final act will have to be without regard for the clean-up crew.
Worrying about other people instead of doing what you want in life is such a shame, I agree, to hell with it as I’m dead now, but I would still prefer, if possible, that the authorities find me, unless I had someone I hated, then they can find me and deal with the crap.
I’ll be catching my bus in a matter of weeks. I wish you the best of luck Counting Down the Years.
Wishing you a peaceful journey…
I must ask you. It seems we have both come to terms with the same decision. When you came to terms with this, did you feel like a giant weight had been lifted from your shoulders…dare I say a sense of joy. Its scary. But its real.
I plan on sending a delayed e-mail. Let my ex find me and clean up the mess. It’s time he did something around here. And feed the cats.
Just make sure your plan is foolproof, you don’t want him finding a bungled attempt and using it against you.
Nias, no plan is foolproof. You do everything you can to increase your odds of success. Its a game of roulette with variables, really.
True, no plan is foolproof, even a gun to the head, but some are prone to failure more than others, I dream of a clean death but know that’s a dream of all of us here. I’ve only made two very half-hearted attempts, just testing really but, I don’t know, to have decided like you, I can’t really comment further. I did made a desision to go 2 years ago and, as you said earlier, I felt great, walking on air, no-one could touch me, I wished I hadn’t chickened out but I dic and got a rubbish job instead which I hate, still making plans but don’t feel like I did then.
Is there PM on this site. I am very interested to hear what method you chose and why it did not work out. I’ve worked about as many kinks out of mine, done as much research as one can do to increase those odds. I know methods cant be discussed in a public setting here.
Last time was just a simple experiment on partial suspension, seeing if I would pass out, never really got there as I panicked, will try again soon, the first was silly, plastic bag and adhesive tape, never going to work.
Just make it interesting. If I ever get the balls to do it…I’m pretty sure I will. My whole reason for not doing it is there’s no sort of afterlife I believe in enough to bet my life on it. What if we’re born and die and its one non stop fucking circle? What if there’s nothing at all? There’s no point to either activity. But if you want a painless death, check out the book final exit. Buy a gas mask and a helium tank.
The helium hood seems to be the ‘creme da la creme’ of suicide methods as I can make out but it’s complicated to get the bits needed so I’ll have to just stick with the more common methods at the moment and hope for the best. Your mention of life being a circle scares me, to think I’ll have to go through this bloody life again but it does explain deja vu.
Yeah. I get weird flashbacks, like I’ve already done this before-over and over and over with no end in sight. Which is why I haven’t ever tried. I’ve dreamt about possible deaths at different times in my life, as if they were times I could have ended the story. If you can get a baloon tank at walmart, and a cheap respirator, and enough hoses to connect the two, it seems the way to go. Combine that with a sedative, and you won’t have a clue.
Nias, yeah I looked into the Exit Bag, but I got way too caught up in the complications and technicalities of it. So I am going for the partial susp. Id hate to say it, but I’ve been practicing. Hell, even that has its own set of complications and technicalities. But we’ll see I guess.
Yes, I think it’s mainly sbout the type of rope, the knot and the knot’s position on the neck for a successful outcome, I’m still looking into it.
I’ll probably get banned from the site from going this into detail, but knot to your left, or slightly back left, nylon rope is what I have found to be the most “comfortable”…rope size…im not good with measurements, but thicker than an electrical extension cord, but thinner than a rope you would climb with. The carotid artery on your right side is what we want to compress. However I have seen stuff on the net that says knot at the front? I dont understand that, nor am I trying that. But the vast majority say what I pretty much detailed.
squareshape11@gmail.com See my post at the bottom to counting for more info on this.
Allbutover, I couldn’t respond directly to your question above, so I’m responding here. No, I don’t feel that joy — although I do know to what you refer. I will leave with a guilty conscience because I have a 13 year-old daughter. Years ago, knowing that I could leave anytime gave me enough relief to continue living. Now, however, I don’t feel that burden lifted. I’m leaving with a very heavy heart.
I understand what you mean. I am not married, nor do I have children and I am very VERY thankful to be in a “nothing to lose” situation. But I can see there will certainly be some pro’s/con’s weighing on your end. Unfortunately tho, knowing that I can leave anytime only gives me slight relief but not enough to make me change my mind, as you had referenced. Hit me up if you want to chat sometime…in the next couple weeks.
Will do…
Counting Down the Years and Nias….both of you. squareshape11@gmail.com This is not my real email addy and the name associated with this is not my real name (gotta take precautions ya know). However I do use that email account for “dummy” purposes. Either of you can drop a line there whenever and I will reply. My purpose of coming to this site was to find a couple people to stay in contact with who are traveling down that same grey colored highway as I am. I think it’s good for the short term.
I’ll keep the e-mail address handy. My problem is that sometimes I’m ok, depressed but ok and other times I hate myself and don’t want to be here. I don’t know if I’ll ever have enough inner strength do it, a practice yes, to see what it’s like to be short of breath, however, will the day come when things just overwhelm me, I honestly don’t know, I think it’ll be an impulse thing, I’ve come close once to juming into the sea but something held me back, I wish I was certain like Counting down the years. I’ll be posting comments on SP for a while yet no doubt.
I hear you on that one. Its a constant back and forth mind set. But since I last posted, you kind of sparked my interest in mentioning the helium/exit bag in a earlier post. I’ve researched it a bit here and there in the past, but just tonight I started researching it again. Its a lot of work and money will need to be spent, and of course I’ve seen many threads of failures. But damn, if that could be pulled off successfully, you cant ask for much better than that.
I said earlier that helium bag was the creme dela creme because I thought it was a really successful method, to go to all that trouble just to fail, may as well suck on my exhaust pipe, enough smoke comes out of it now, twenty year old bucket of rust. There’s a thread on here that has 700 odd comments about helium, might take a look at some point.
Yup — the second-most abundant element in the Universe. I just need a canister-full.
Dawg says two canisters I believe, don’t know why, but I’ll check.
Actually, I read that, too.
Funny after I posted that, I must have done minimum 2 hours of research on the net about the exit bag/helium. While it sounds so sweet, once again all the complications of optimizing, and stories of failure. Ugghh. Humans should have been developed with a self-destruct switch, I mean good grief. So I’m about 50/50 between the partial susp & the exit helium. If you guys are interested I found a tiny website that actually includes the most important chapter right from that peace pill book or whatever its called. basically goes into detail about making the bag and many other important stuff. If you want the URL let me know. But yeah 2 canisters, a T connector, and a flow regulator.
Just commenting to the overall conversation.
I on the other hand would love if reincarnation would exist; surely would take my chances now and end this misery just to see if the potential new life could bring me a completely new set of possibilities, and perhaps even some delight and pleasure to begin with.
Have to give a tremendous salute to the folks going for the hanging. I never would have the guts to do that – especially if not using the neck breaking method. Had a near-death experience as a kid; almost drowned and still get horrified of choking sensation.
My departure will be a death by car; just hoping it´ll end it for once. No slow lingering death in some God forsaken ditch – slowly withering away, alone. But if 120 mph into a rock wall don’t kill me then I got to hand it to the man upstairs – fuck you too. Also removing any fuses for the airbags, so they can’t interfere. And luckily no caring family, friends or any other obligations towards anywhere – so justified for the peace.
Soon, although with heavy heart here also.
I actually survived my attempt of suicide by car accident. 85mph into a rock wall, car was destroyed and I walked out with barely a scratch.
I sat there, on a deserted road by the lake crying in the dark, wondering how, and why did I have to survive. But of course everyone believe my lie that the rain earlier in the day amounted to me oversteering and losing control of my car. They just question and were suspicious as to why I was so far away from home at 2 in the morning.
Sorry LovingLife, I felt compelled to tell you my experience after reading your planned method of exit. I will not and cannot tell you to not commit suicide, as I respect your rights and ability to make choices for yourself, but I can only tell you that you still have a choice and time. I will only extend my hand to anyone in need and if you ever need someone to talk to, I would be more than willing to listen. But if you choose to follow through with your plan I wish you luck and I hope you find your peace.
Take care.
Please mind any typos, I notice my spelling and grammar can be atrocious at times.
Koji, thank you my friend for the kind words.
It must have been quite a tremendous feeling to let the steering wheel turn and let go; despair sets in me profoundly now. Very glad though that you survived it and didn´t suffer any major physical injuries – very fortunate in that regard I suppose, although the plan for the demise wasn´t successful. You were lucky indeed; maybe it had some deeper purpose – perhaps you are destined to be or do something very prestigious in your life.
My life is coming to an end in a few months anyway whether I want it or not. Maybe you haven´t read my posts here before but got terminal condition. As I´ve said before rather burn out than fade away in an agonizing death.
I bet we will meet here again. I still got some strength and fight inside so not giving up just yet.
Take care, and all the best for you.
Sorry for the typos; my spelling and grammar are usually pretty awful.
Lovinglife, I didn’t know you had a terminal condition. Facing one’s mortality by one’s own choice is one thing. Facing it under terms over which one has no control is something entirely different. I’ll be with you along the way, if you like.
Thank you Counting Down the Years, it is almost unacceptable to face the inevitable death; as my username says I love life and had no intention of suicide before this. Acceptance and letting go slowly are the things that eat me alive. I feel hopeless but don’t recognize being a very depressed person at the time, and that makes it even harder to cope with.
Suicide is a viable option – and a must in a sense – when symptoms get too much to bear with. Still, I got 29 years of life and 25 of them were not all that bad; had my own set of problems and difficulties in life but endured them somewhat bravely.
One thing if could have changed is the condition I´m having – a certain brain tumor for example would´ve been more than welcome whereby I could have lived my life to the fullest pretty much until the very end – in some cases at least. But sadly my situation is just the opposite.
Really appreciate the support. Hopefully can offer some spiritual help in return if any way possible; after all, you are going through the same as me but with very varied set of circumstances.
“It’s only with hope that the way up the slope can be found.â€
– Constance Chuks Friday
Just sent you message.
Balloon bags are easy and cheap to get, but are they mixed with oxygen?
Planning on renting a commercial size helium canister to be sure