Hello,I have planned to end my life soon.I find it better than wasting time wandering around for help,which,in my case,i never got.
I am 18 yrs old.My family are religious fanatics.The kind of people who would run to God for every silly thing.They are weak people.Never gained the strength to live life.And they tried really hard to instill this “attribute” or “goodness” in me.But i simply dont understand all this nonsense.My mother has separated from my dad 5 yrs back.And shez extremely touchy and volatile.I cannot share anything with her as things blow up out of control.
I am left all alone now.I have lost my esteem;much due to the bickering of my family,as a result i do not have any friends.I cannot maintain healthy relationships;nowadays whenever somebody tries to b close to me i shoo them off by showing how terrible i am.And i am really terrible.I have terrible tendencies.I feel miserable now.No career at hand.I wanted a life,which i could never get.I am tired now,fighting my own inner turmoil and my family.Hence i have decided to die.I know its a terrible decision;but i have no other option.Coz m badly depressed,no matter how hard i try to be happy,the sinking feeling remains.the lack to self-confidence remains.I feel deeply tarnished.
I wish i had got a family who could instill the right values in me.And i wish i was not so depressed and be a better human being(emotionally healthy).But now i cannot regret anything.Its being just too much.
2 comments
hey,
im sequoia. i dont even know you that well but what youve said so far is alot like me.
im here, so please, talk to me im begging yu dont go. give it a go. please.
dont go yet.
Don’t do it.
I just lost my sister to suicide and i know without a doubt had she taken a moment to think she more than likely would have continued to fight.. i know right now you feel like things will never get better and the only answer is to just end it all but there are always other ways..
I promise there are other ways there was a time when i thought maybe i could just disappear and no one would miss me and everything will be okay.. and I’m so thankful more than ever now, that i didn’t just disappear there is so much to live for.. its unfortunate that you feel that your family or friends aren’t truly there for you and I’m very sorry for that but i also know for a fact that if your mother knew how you felt.. knew that you planned to end your life she would do whatever she could to help you..
My mother losing her child is going through something right now that no parent should have to go through.. every step she has to deal with in this grieving process.. funeral planning.. and just dealing with life after loss of a child is agonizing.. Is that how you want your mother to feel? She will blame herself forever .. talk to your mother.. if not her call a hotline.. seek help.. its out there.. I’m here also.. If i can help just 1 person change their mind about suicide it might help me let my sister go..
i know it may seem like a lot but PLEASE JUST TRY.. don’t give up just yet.. you’re only 18 there is so much to live for.. if nothing else.. for yourself..