Today is the anniversary of my suicide. It has been one year now and I am left with multiple organ damage, a failing heart valve that causes an arrhythmia and loss of memories that were soo special but my perspective of them are gone. I was so empty and I hated living each day. I detested waking up because my dreams were the only place that gave me an escape. I had a past drug abuse problem and had moved past it so my coping methods were gone. I would cry myself to sleep every night and cry out to God, “please just bring me home. I’m done lord” and he never did. I planned it and set everything up. I waited for the best day that I could slide under the radar and just be done without getting interrupted. My fear was people would say I was trying to get attention when that was as far from the truth as possible. I drank all day up until right before sunset and then went inmy moms house took her new scripts of xanax ambien and amitryptiline. Then went in her medicine cannot and ate every pill. I was guaranteed to die and I did. It was so peaceful and it was what I wanted then but today I look back and I still am depressed and would cherish death but it won’t come at my own hands. I’m learning to live again and so can you. I am 23 years old and have done and witnessed a 23 year long horror movie. It never got better each day only worse and I had enough but like you I wanted to die. Now I know as the oldest of 6 brothers and sisters they look up to me and one day I want a daughter or a son so for the child I don’t have yet I stay. Life is shitty often but through the work the lord has done in my life I am growing with more life everyday. I didn’t look for God he found me and kept coming at me over and over. If not for the lord I would be dead and couldn’t share a little about myself to try and help you. Maybe you can take your pain and instead of taking your life give your life to others so maybe than can be strong for you and you will build them through your struggles and pains. My prayers and heart are with you wherever you are. If you want or need anything you can email me anytime seveneleventoheaven4@gmail.com
Maybe there is something youre curious about and I will be 100% brutally honest if you ask me something, but know I will answer ANY question you have with no shame at all. I am a free and open man that survived suicide.
2 comments
Today is the anniversary of my suicide. It has been one year now and I am left with multiple organ damage, a failing heart valve that causes an arrhythmia and loss of memories that were soo special but my perspective of them are gone. I was so empty and I hated living each day. I detested waking up because my dreams were the only place that gave me an escape. I had a past drug abuse problem and had moved past it so my coping methods were gone. I would cry myself to sleep every night and cry out to God, “please just bring me home. I’m done lord” and he never did. I planned it and set everything up. I waited for the best day that I could slide under the radar and just be done without getting interrupted. My fear was people would say I was trying to get attention when that was as far from the truth as possible. I drank all day up until right before sunset and then went inmy moms house took her new scripts of xanax ambien and amitryptiline. Then went in her medicine cannot and ate every pill. I was guaranteed to die and I did. It was so peaceful and it was what I wanted then but today I look back and I still am depressed and would cherish death but it won’t come at my own hands. I’m learning to live again and so can you. I am 23 years old and have done and witnessed a 23 year long horror movie. It never got better each day only worse and I had enough but like you I wanted to die. Now I know as the oldest of 6 brothers and sisters they look up to me and one day I want a daughter or a son so for the child I don’t have yet I stay. Life is shitty often but through the work the lord has done in my life I am growing with more life everyday. I didn’t look for God he found me and kept coming at me over and over. If not for the lord I would be dead and couldn’t share a little about myself to try and help you. Maybe you can take your pain and instead of taking your life give your life to others so maybe than can be strong for you and you will build them through your struggles and pains. My prayers and heart are with you wherever you are. If you want or need anything you can email me anytime seveneleventoheaven4@gmail.com
Maybe there is something youre curious about and I will be 100% brutally honest if you ask me something, but know I will answer ANY question you have with no shame at all. I am a free and open man that survived suicide.
You lonely bro? Not a lot of people on right now, I think