I’ve decided to live so what do I do next? I got the closest to succeeding that I ever have. And maybe if he hadn’t knocked on the door I would have fixed my initial error and went. It scared me though and I feel ashamed of myself as I always do. I can’t leave my kids like that.
Since I have decided that suicide is not an option I feel even more trapped than I did. These cycles are killing me. It’s like being rolled downhill in a tractor tire.
If I change my mind this time at least I know how to do it.
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5 comments
I’m so glad that you decided to live. It honestly doesn’t matter to me that I don’t know you. And what’s your passion in life?
I don’t guess I have a passion. The closest thing is my curiosity and love of learning.
i don’t have kids but i can completely relate to the indecision. after my first attempt, i said i would never try again. now i’m in this position where i know how wrong it is, but yet i still succumb to these dark moments where i don’t care about anything and then desperately want a quick solution. right now i’m just holding on by the thinnest thread you can imagine… and i have no idea what i’m supposed to do, ever.
I just want to quit hurting. My depression makes me worthless to everyone. When I am that low it makes me feel like my kids would be better off without me. I know better when I’m not in those spots but being rational in the midst of suicidal depression isn’t easy.
You made it thru another day. Congrats