Sometimes I’ll just sit there and listen to slow piano music for over an hour.. Because I’m too broken to do anything and i physically can’t do anything.. It’s a hard life.. and it’s been too overwhelming lately.. I can’t go on like this.. I scared of what will happen to me.. I’m going to break soon i know it.. Just a few more panic attacks away..
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you’ve articulated exactly how I feel, just the bland mundaneness, the perpetual, suffocating hopelessness, the stagnant suspension of perhaps apathy but just the knowledge that nothing good will every happen in life, that you will never experience satisfaction or contentment, it’s just so sad. makes me just want to sleep all day and waste away completely. isolate until the point where I’m completely forgotten, nothing but a relic of the past that is so insignificant there’s no remembrance whatsoever, thats what i want actually. i wish i didn’t exist, but because that’s not really an option the latter lifestyle is as close to not existing as i can get. depression is just so crushing.
i just want to be put out of my misery, you know ha. can’t stop fantasizing of going to a secluded area and shooting myself through the mouth, i don’t want peace, i want nothingness, i just don’t want to exist whatsoever. i wish i was never born, there’s no positive products of my life at all, i am a leech, a pathetic loser that taints everyone associated with me. just fucking take it all away already. (sorry for the vent, i actually hate talking about myself, this post is about you and you only so continue on)