I’m starting to permanently make up my mind when it comes to suicide. I’ve had suicide attempts before and I’ve bounced back from depression at times, but this time it’s different. This time I can feel something pulling me towards death. It’s as if the world wants to take me back or as if death has fallen for me and it wants to take me home. I’m scared of shooting myself, I’m scared of waking up in a place full of pain and suffering despite the fact that I want to die in order to escape the daily pain I feel.
I have no idea what […]
Just feeling very broken. I just had a good weekend around friends, but I feel like all of the emotional energy may have triggered something sad or dark. Idk if it happens that way for others? I’m trying but I’ve already cried a few times today.
Will the doors of our perception ever be cleansed?
Hey. For starters, I’m 18. As soon as I turned 18 I was diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. It’s the youngest you can be with this diagnosis. I grew up in a stable house hold, with stable parents, and 2 stable older brothers. Where the hell I came from is beyond me. From an early age I showed signs of isolation and poor self esteem. In the 6th grade I wrote a letter regarding how depressed I was to my teacher. No action was taken.
Even as I type this, I feel no attachment to my past. I feel no connection to the daily self harm […]
Sometimes I think there’s never been
A highway so wide and mean
Leading to a room so cold and bare
Faded pictures on the wall
Stories of a past untold
Sunny beaches turn to ruthless tide
There’s a new motel in town
It’s called the end of broken dreams
There’s a new place in town
It’s called the end of broken dreams
Out of the blue my name is fear
And I’ll haunt you if I care
Out of this world my game is clear
And I’ll catch you if I dare
But there is no time for me to stay
Maybe it’s time to ride the ray
Maybe tomorrow never comes
Crawling lizards in the sun
Do we part like fallen leaves
I don’t know what’s wrong with me. My insides feel shattered, I don’t know how to escape. Always writhing in constant agitation, falling asleep is hell. This world is torture. I hate this universe so much it suffocates me. Everything is wrong. I need to get rid of this loathing, it’s only hurting me. I need to let go of everything I’m holding on to, the past isn’t worth ruining the future. It mesmerizes me how some people can be so strong to carry on through such madness, all for the meaningless pit of life. How do they find the motivation? Why do they? Life is pain, but […]
It was depression that killed the remaining happiness I had left, but it was the same thing that keeps me going. Most of the time? I just want to die, to disappear until there are no ashes, no trace of my existence would be left. To be just nothing, as I am now. But the nothingness wouldn’t be overwhelming. As if I never existed. I always think that life was just a joke that I had to deal with. It’s like a prank I need to face everyday. The more I encounter it, the more it makes me sick. Then later on I wouldn’t notice […]
I’m not sure where to start. But I feel like I’m on the verge of a mental breakdown. As I’m writing this I have tears coming out of my eyes. I’m not sure whether it is my mental state or the fact it is nearly 2 in the morning. But death is something I’ve wanted for a while over the course of my life. In primary school and I’m year 7 I was very lonely. I was liked by people but I had no friends. Even in some of year 8 in secondary school I still had very limited friends. At the start of year […]
People may view me as outgoing, kind, obnoxious, bitchy, annoying, funny, weird, loud, extrovert, smart or stupid. That how I am in public. In reality i’m lonely, broken, hurt, scared, shy and quiet. No one knows how I truly feel. I don’t trust anyone because I’m always betrayed. I am broken and won’t ask for help.
Perhaps I’ve been suicidal since I was seven years old, which was ten years ago. I guess the bullying of my friends and peers were the start of it. I saw everyone having at least four friends as I played by myself, I was never the one that anyone thought was fun or cool. I was the freak with the buck teeth.
I was also diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome at that time. I often was in my imagination, being friends with imaginary friends until I was fourteen.
There was only one friend that I knew, and she went to a different school, but each summer, we would […]
I’m not even sure if I can tell what is real anymore. The last year is a blur. I lost my wife. I quit my job. I lost my drivers licence. And now I cant even walk.
Recently I picked a fight with the wrong guy who broke my nose and then my leg when i was on the ground. As I am getting the shit kicked out of me I yell “KILL ME” at my attacker who immediately stops. Him and his friends back away as I black out.
I wake up in extreme pain. My foot is pointing the wrong way and I call an […]
So I’ve just broken up with my girfriend of 2 and half years and I’m devastated; I’m heartbroken.
all I can think is I’m too blame, I wish I cared more for her when we were together. Instead I’m sitting here contemplating stupid things.
I’ve been such an idiot. I want her back I need her.
I am crying alone in my room. I have not left my bed in over 16 hours and missed work today. I have a feeling I’ll be fired tomorrow if I show up. Might not show up tomorrow either. Long story short, I am feeling overwhelmingly suicidal again.
Not that I ever really stop feeling this way, but I’m talking about the bawling, give-me-a-gun-I’ll-do-it, type of suicidal thoughts. The kind that are uncontrollable and terrifying, not the logical and cold thoughts… These are emotional and broken and angry and indecipherable. And I hate myself so much for going through all this, for thinking this way. I […]
Before I leave you all, I have one request.
Let those that I love know I love them. Let those who know me have a blessed life. Let those who I trust know where to speak.
As for the woman I miss and hope to fix one day down another life;
I hope you know that without you my demons overpower me. This is not your fault. Not your battle. As for you, I wish you find yourself. I found me in you.
I also lost myself in your glorious love. In your pleasant surprise of joy and truth. I will stay forever lost in the time that […]
I’m 32, I failed at life. I suffer from PTSD because of sexual abuse during my childhood. I’m seeing a therapist, I’ve had lots of therapy in the past and I just can’t seem to get myself together. I hate it, I feel lonely. I know I don’t want to die but this is not living either. Ptsd symptoms started showing about 10 years ago when I fell in love, we broke up 1,5 years ago. I just felt like I was getting worse and worse. It’s hard to come by financially and I’m just tired of fighting of feeling like this . I’m done […]
It’s really hard to be strong for someone else when you’re so broken yourself. Sometimes I just want to crawl in a hole and never leave it.
Haven’t been here in a while. Things got better for a while but somehow i’m the same again. I feel so lifeless. Found something temporarily for my hurt but when that’s not enough, I’m not sure what I will turn to. I’ve been feeling down lately, feel like i don’t want to live anymore. I’ve turn to cutting to ease my pain, holds me about a day or so. First it was just my wrist then I’ve move to my face. It’s a bit uncomfortable because people always watch me like what happen to me. They often ask if someone is beating me. I work […]
Pretty self explanatory, isn’t it? She died in a car crash. There were two other people in the car, but she’s the only one that died. Now I don’t know what I’ll do. Dying’s out, that’d be a slap in the face to her memory. Right now I’m just broken and listening to songs that remind me of her. If you have any suggestions I’ll be happy to take them.