meeting an idol

i could be meeting somebody I’ve loved for years in about a month and a half 2 months. I’ve never been so terrified its all i can think about. but at the same time i can’t wait. I’ve stopped eating. i cant eat. its a mix of the two. idk i think despite the fear the nerves and anything else it’ll be the best night of my life possibly a good night to end it. idk. its something I’ve been thinking about the last few days. a nice way to go in the middle of the carnage of hundreds of sweating singing dancing people just connecting becoming one with each other the music in an almost primal fashion. that’s gotta be a good way to go. idk we’ll see closer to the day i guess.