Hello all,
This is not a suicide note. Nor is it a plea for help, understanding, and it’s definitely not intended to try and scour out techniques and methods for end of life. I know what I’m prepared to do (helium exit bag seems to be the winning candidate so far) and I’ve set a date for December 1st. I did this because what little hope I have left (eroding by the minute – literally), things might (but probably wont – story of my life) turn around.
I joined this board because for years I’ve been thinking of ending my life. I’m a complete and total failure and most of my life has been spent accumulating stuff that I don’t have anymore, or losing. I am, by definition, a complete and total loser. I’ve lost friends, family, jobs, relationships, money – anything tangible (or not so tangible) that I once had, I don’t have anymore. And I’m clearly not getting any of it back.
Ultimately though, this is a decision that isn’t so difficult to make anymore. There’s really no point in sitting around waiting for nothing to come my way, not even a small break. This is because I know it’s not going to happen.
I haven’t told anyone about my plans and don’t intend to at all. The last time I fell into a deep suicidal state, it caused an uproar among what friends I have left, ended a relationship and caused me to remain unemployed to this day. There’s nothing worthwhile in this life.
Not to mention, the entire world around me is slowly swirling down the drain: I don’t want to be around here when shit really hits the fan.
I guess the reason I’m posting this is to ultimately find out three things:
1) Has anyone here attempted the helium exit bag method? Responding obviously means it didn’t work, but perhaps I can glean some information from you on what you did and why it failed. I’m not looking for pointers or tips, just stories and examples of what people have done in the past.
2) Has anyone here seen someone exit using the helium bag method? Did it appear to look painful? For all the pain I’ve suffered over 33 years, I don’t want this last act to cause me any pain – I think I owe myself that much.
3) How much do helium tanks typically cost? I have exactly $2.17 left to my name, after a 20 year career and nothing to show for it. I either have to steal money (nobody will lend me anything) or steal the tank itself (nobody will hire me for even a shitty labour job), and I’d like to know roughly what it’ll cost for this to happen.
Thanks.
LT
10 comments
I don’t have a clue about any of that. Good luck. $2.17 might buy you a cup of coffee to think it over?
Hey, I’m sorry you’re in such pain. A lot of your post sounds exactly like what I’ve been thinking and feeling the past few months / years.
From what I understand, the entire point of the exit bag is that the helium or ******** knocks you out before you begin asphyxiation so that you don’t feel the panic/pain of suffocating. I’ve seen several accounts of people who didn’t time the amount of helium coming out right and ended up waking up before they even begun asphyxiating though. Depending on the type of helium canister you get, you may need to modify how fast it comes out somehow. It sounds like a pain in the ass to me but I haven’t looked into it that seriously.
I hope you find peace one way or the other.
Thanks for the replies.
I’m planning on getting a fairly large canister, once I can figure out how to pay for it. I should think that’s large enough to do the job.
JohnDoe, there’s nothing to think about anymore: at this point, it’s just about the timing, and I’m not sure I can even hang on until December. I’ve begun planning for my exit now, and with any luck, I should wrap this shitty experience up in a few weeks time.
Peace is in a painless exit. There’s no peace left to be found alive.
Good luck, and I’m right there with you. Planning to try to the exit bag myself at the beginning of November. Would prefer sooner, but I can’t leave right before my moms birthday, that’s cruel and unusual. Maybe I’ll die on my husband’s birthday, or on his death day. That’s kinda fitting. Good luck and I hope you can get it to work for you.
I wish you nothing but peace.
Thanks EvilKitten. I’ve decided not to wait until December, there’s really no point in prolonging the inevitable. I hope you make it too, and find peace in non existence. I know I will. There’s no pain in non existence.
I am just hoping that the exit bag works out. I’ve read a lot of stories where it doesn’t seem to work for some, so I’m doing plenty of research first.
I’ve told nobody about this: I’m only “reaching out” on this website. It seems so far the only place where I can talk to someone, especially about this.
I’ve lived with depression my entire life. I am tired, drained, exhausted and done.
I believe it’s not considered that painful as your body will readily accept the helium into your lungs instead of the oxygen allowing suffocation. Remember it’s not a particularly successful technique and failure can cause brain damage through lack of oxygen and as for buying, you may not get pure helium. I considered it myself once but feel it’s not the best method to use, it’s not as easy as it may sounds. You seem determined to go so I don’t know how else to respond but if you do feel like talking further then please do, a lot of us here feel we don’t have much to live for as well.
Thanks nais. I’m worried too that it will leave me a vegetable which won’t enable me to exit on my own again if it fails the first time (and fails badly). I have been reading a lot and trying to identify the errors other people have made in using this method.
I’ve thought of other ways too: a gunshot is probably the quickest and most sure-fire way to exit, but I don’t want to leave a mess, I don’t want to suffer from even a second of pain (even though I won’t feel it) and getting a gun in Canada is a very difficult thing to do. It’s not the kind of thing I can post looking for on Craigslist for example.
It is nice to know that I can talk openly here about my plans and get feedback from those who have tried or are planning to try. Oddly enough this is the only place I can get any comfort in what is my final few weeks here.
The site isn’t really about getting methods, not anymore, but some leeway is allowed. The most usual outcome from helium, from what I read, is nothing happens but I don’t think it’s worth the risk of brain damage and that stops me. In fact, any method which starves the brain of oxygen can cause brain damage and overdosing can cause kidney failure so suicide is hard. I could never pull the trigger on the gun, I don’t know how someone can but they do, anyway, I live in the UK so guns are even less likely here. I am in a dilemma like you, suicide is hard so I have to live on, I don’t know if you can.
Hi nias,
That’s what has me extremely worried: I don’t want to fail using the exit bag. If I do, at that point, I’d probably find my way around a gun.
I don’t want to live on, I don’t need to either – I am simply occupying a space better left for someone else. There’s no purpose to my life, whatsoever, so living on is not an option for me anymore. Every time someone tells me to do that, shit gets worse. Everyone has a breaking point, I crossed mine a long time ago. I don’t know what took me so long to finally decide to do this the right way (I’ve attempted suicide three times in my life before) but I don’t want to fail.
I’ve decided to do this as soon as possible: within the next few weeks. I just need to flush out the problems with the exit bag, and find a way to afford to buy everything I need. If anything stops me, it’ll be because of finances (which is in part the reason I’m looking for an exit anyway – it’s a vicious circle and it’s worn me right down).
Firstly, you are not a space better left for someone else, you are as important as anyone else and a lot better than some of the evil scum around. I agree with your other point about things getting better when they just get worse so I’m not going to tell you that, especially when my own life is spiralling downwards, I do have a little hope but that’s fading fast. Again, it’s the methods available and whatever research you do, it all comes down to getting it perfect and that’s difficult with helium.