People will say “Don’t kill yourself please! You have so much to live for!” As I look around…I don’t have much to live for. In a world that’s feast or famine, war or waste, hate and debate. It never took me long to realize that suffering was life. You’d be lucky to find someone who chooses to stand with you as you struggle and suffer. This life is all about survival, we call it living to sound more appealing. I knew that if I had to go through this alone, I would not make it because my heart could not break it to my mind that it was all a dream. Once reality sets in and you see that life is just an illusion, you can never go back to playing the game. Like any game, when it’s over, it is over. You will realize that once you’ve opened your heart to the truth. The conclusion is that everything is an illusion. The confusion comes into play when your mind tries to control you. Survival is instinct, Suicide is will power. Do you control your mind or does your mind control you?
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Holy crap, I’ve had similar thoughts.. I don’t know you but I like you.
Life is a game everybody has to play alone. Along the way you meet people who join you for a mission before you part ways and continue the journey alone, looking for the next adventure.
How do you pick up the threads of an old life? How do you go on, when in your heart, you begin to understand, there is no going back? There are some things that time cannot mend. Some hurts that go too deep…that have taken hold.
By rights we shouldn’t even be here. But we are. It’s like in the great stories, the ones that really mattered. Full of darkness and danger, they were. And sometimes you didn’t want to know the end. Because how could the end be happy? How could the world go back to the way it was when so much bad had happened? But in the end, it’s only a passing thing, this shadow. Even darkness must pass. A new day will come. And when the sun shines it will shine out the clearer. Those were the stories that stayed with you. That meant something, even if you were too small to understand why. But I think, i do understand. I know now. Folk in those stories had lots of chances of turning back, only they didn’t. They kept going. Because they were holding on to something. That there’s some good in this world …. and it’s worth fighting for.
It doesn’t feel like an adventure to me. I agree with No12run2, it’s just suffering.
Maybe for some it’s different. Some don’t seem to mind the same bullshit over & over again. My husband seems fine with work, work, work; chore, chore, chore; bills, bills, bills; an unfinished house, disappointed kids & a pesky MIL. The only thing ruining his life is his miserable wife who seems to have suddenly developed a phobia of going back to work two full years ago.
I’d rather be dead than surrender to the merry-go-round that never ends. What’s the point? By the time you get off you’re too old, blind & feeble minded to go on actual adventures like you did when you were in your twenties & thirties. I am not interested in toiling away for the next thirty more years just to end up in a recliner watching The Price is Right day after day.
But I feel trapped, don’t kid yourself No12run2, even when you have someone in your life (my husband is actually a great guy – even though he just doesn’t get it) it’s still a game you are forced to play. Like you said, “Survival is instinct, Suicide is will power. Do you control your mind or does your mind control you?”
You are in the middle of a depression. Welcome in the club. In a good moment like just now, everything seems great. You make/find your own adventures. The world is open to you, what ever you want to know. In a few hours, I will very likely agree with you, whats the point of all this. I am still fighting this dark moments which are too many in recent years.
You’re right and You are not alone. People don’t really make it better, they make it more miserable if anything. I’m not bitter but I don’t find the pleasure in this experience. If I were to speak out about it, I would be thrown away and forced to stay alive against my will. I would be medicated, Strapped down, and held until I died. I am on my third day of dehydration. I plan to die alone in my home. I hope no one interrupts me. I have a few days left but hopefully this will be over quicker than I’ve imagined. Nothing will ever be the same once you realize life is a merry go round of bullshit. I still want people to be content with everything they do but I want them to know this is it. I’m not going to slave to make them happy. What do we really have to look forward to? Work, taxes, food, and “pain” No thanks, I’ll pass. I have my mind ready to go, I just really hope I’m not disturbed. What a ***** that would be.
Its sad to read your message. You are not living for anyone else, just for yourself and if you don’t want to fight for your own happiness, no one can force you. I hope you find your peace.
“I’d rather be dead than surrender to the merry-go-round that never ends. What’s the point?”
Exactly my thoughts. There is something fundamentally wrong with our way of life in the modern world. We have lost the meaning of life.
You don’t have to live the modern life.
Working for 40+ years in a job sure isn’t an adventure. Yuck. Unless the job is actually enjoyable… Lol. People are treated horribly each day. That includes everything… Rich people get to do what they like (money). Poor people are treated like shit. This society isn’t civilized. Its still cruel and harsh. Money is everything. I hate money. I am still existing…….. Not living
What would you like to do with your life?
Press the off button i think. Also i know good people exist outside of here but they are extremely rare, for me anyway.
oh i am still existing… Since i have no goals i will get a job when its needed and just be another slave to society. Might study too. I dont know.
we all die in the end anyway
How I wish there was an ‘off’ button. Before that though, the positive, hopeful side of me wishes there were a ‘reset’ button for the world, and we could just start over. Except the darker side of me realizes… we’re humans; doomed to repeat the same stupidly mind-numbing mistakes.
When will the cylce just f***ing end already?
NO SHIT!
I wish for an asteroid everyday because….Freedom IS a myth!
true we all die. Why not try to find something fun to do on the way to death?
Who has time for fun? Even w/o a job I can’t keep up with all the responsiblity & obligations. By the time dinner is over, the kitchen is cleanen & kids are tucked in, I can barely stay awake long enough to read a
few pages of a book
As soon as you have kids life is changing. Sure, you don’t have the same kind of fun you used to. But looking at your kids who love you must give you some joy?
Yeah, “some”.
Mostly they are disappointed.
Disappointed they have to eat veggies, clean their room, end the video game, didn’t get invited to a friends house, get the toy at the store….the list goes on.
But I am supposed to encourage them? HA! That’s a phuckin’ joke.
It does but it’s so complicated & overwhelming. I feel helpless & even useless in certain situations. How does someone who does not want to go on encourage someone else to? I Feel terrible that I brought them here. I was tricked into believing in the dream. This ain’t no dream.
That’s the reason I will never have kids. How can I be responsible for someone else life if I can’t handle my own. I understand your fear and doubts. Does it help if you know other parents feel the same? Are you on your own with the kids or a partner who you can share your thoughts with?
I used to want the “American Dream.” Or at least I was naive enough to believe in it. 3 kids, a white picket fence, and a nice home in the suburbs. Not going to sugar-coat it, I could have had that– I had the opportunities.
Somehow, someway I woke up from that, and now I see people so selfishly having children, as if they’re objects or trophies to be owned and achieved. Those poor kids, they’re bred and raised to continue this empty-shell of a way-of-life we seem to be so afraid to lose.
Maybe those kids are happy. I am sure there are people which are truly happy. They see the world differently. Let them. We on the other hand need to fight harder to accept things as they are. Still means we can be happy at some point.
I’m tired of fighting harder and do not see the happy ending.
I stand with everyone, and then again I stand with no one.. no one needs to stand with me, and no one owes me a thing. My life is a gift to myself and to those fortunate to feel my compassion and my spirit.. I may not have many choices in life
..either way I intend to live on, or die trying
Keep trying to make a happy world for yourself
Thats actually not what I mean by that..
I simply mean that life doesn’t have to be fair. I don’t have to like it. And i don’t need anyone to make me happy. I don’t live for other people. I simply try to be the best I can for myself and others. Life isn’t some enjoyable theme park ride towards happiness. But it’s also not the “truth” written in this post. There are many truths to life, and being bitter doesn’t create truth. Believing that life doesn’t matter isn’t truth. It’s just anger and bitterness thrown to the wind. If there is a grudge to carry in life, it’s carried willingly. But life isn’t an illusion based on the fact that there is war, famine and still kindness and compassion in the world. There isn’t any fences put up except the ones we put up to shut out real truth.
The truth is that stuff exists, and so do we.
RealTalk30, You’re right. I am not bitter though. I did not expect my family to make me happy, not directly anyway. I just thought having my own family would make life more bearable. My grudge is for myself for feeling overwhelmed & unable to take it all on. Oh, I know, no one said it would be easy but I never dreamed it would be this hard. That is the illusion we speak of; we expected it to be easier, or nicer, or more fun & less of a struggle.
The truth in this thread, how I see it anyway, is related to “the strong will survive” theory. Some of us seem to require extra effort to survive and aren’t entirely sure that the reward in the end, death, is worth it.
I should get to call it quits if I want. I’m just so damn tired.
I think you made another post about helium? What happened?