I have a long life story for somebody my age (19). It is streaked with bullieng, harsh words and judgement. I can’t talk about that now. It will make me feel worse.
My mum is going to push me over the edge. A few weeks ago I self harmed really badly because of how far she took things. Screaming screaming. Calling me names.
I have spent the past few hours looking up ways to kill myself, and I landed up here. I’m not too sure if it will help. I’m not too sure what else I can do to help myself, to prevent myself from falling over the edge. From calling it quits for good.
I go to support groups (for my eating disorder and depression on Tuesdays, self harm support group on Wednesdays, and NA on Saturdays.
The days are getting lonely again. I have friends…but why don’t they call? Why don’t they invite me when they go out for lunches and stuff together? I am always seeing pictures of my friends together, having fun. And I am not invited.
I feel so lonely. And so dark inside. The “voices” in my head are killing me. Calling me every nasty thing in the book.
Ugly
Fat
Stupid
Worthless
Unlovable
Waste of space.
I have semi decided to make a bucket list of things to do before I end it all.
I want to meet my Biological family (I’m adopted), see my lovely boyfriend again (he has been away for 2 and a half months, which feels like 5 months), I want to study psychology, travel, go sky diving, swim with sharks, I want to LIVE. But life isn’t coming…
Don’t get me wrong, I can be happy and laugh sometimes, but in the end, it is all the same. I am desperately lonely, and miserably depressed. I really just need a bit of extra support…is there anybody out there that understands what I am feeling?
2 comments
Yes. I have a lifetime of looking in the mirror and seeing all of those degrading things you listed. I also live with unbearable physical pain with no real solution.
It breaks my heart to know how alone you feel. Writing and posting here will help release the dark emotions. And you will find others that you can identify with and some that will genuinely listen without judgement. So being here is a start.
I can sense your energy and your desire to do interesting and intelligent things tells me you can use that energy to help take care of yourself, reach out to someone you can truly trust and best of all you can make your dreams come true. As bad as it seems I can tell you have not lost the ability to do that.
Remember you are truly worthy and deserving of being loved and cared for, regardless of how others might affect you. Don’t ever forget that. And don’t stop reaching for your dreams.
– peace
Thank you so much. Somehow, reading the words of a kind stranger helps a lot