Hi…okay here I go. I have been depressed for about a year now, and I have been so close to just killing myself so many times. I think that the reason why I haven’t is because of my friends. A few of them are depressed and I want to make them better before I try t leave. When people look at me and my life, they see someone perfect. They see a girl who has it all. She is always smiling, and always surrounded by her friends. The things is, I don’t get bullied. Sure, I get teased, but who doesnt? But one day I just stopped feeling anything and now? I cut to make sure that I feel something. Sometimes I guess that you can be the most friendly and social person, but still be the most alone. So, I just need to know if there is anyone who can be there for me, that’s what I really need right now, even if that makes me sound like a self absorbed *****.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
4 comments
It sounds like you’re a great friend and your friends are so fortunate to have you watching over them. You’re not a self absorbing ***** for wanting someone to be there, it’s all normal especially during the tough time. We may not know each other, but I would love to be there for you if you let me. I’m sure everyone here would love to be there for you too. We all got each other here. <3
Thank you, but honestly I dont think I am a good friend. I guess I feel like I make it all about me. BEcause naturally at my age one upping someone is important. So you try to make it all about you. And that makes me feel like shit, because my friend will be in a big issue, and I will be all, “Oh don’t worry, it’s okay I mean my dad doesn’t even live with us (or something like that) and so don’t worry.” I guess it feels like I just do it to prove that I have a better life.
From my understanding, you out on a smile, have fun during the day and help out you’re friends who are just like you but may not know that, but once you’re alone you feel useless and like nobody is there for you?
You are not alone if you are feeling like that question I just said previously. I bet there are many of us who do that. I used to be like that actually, I would go to school wearing a mask so nobody know how I felt inside. I would love to be here for you. I agree with nataliehnt, there are so many people on here who are willing to be here for you if you are willing to let us. We know what its like. We wont leave anyone behind. <3
I can’t tell you how to overcome those feelings or even why you get them. If I could I would be putting those same suggestions to use for myself. Not too long ago I told a friend I think I could be alone in a room full of people.
I’ve tried the cutting. For me it wasn’t about feeling something, but about creating a different type of pain. By creating the physical pain, it would distract my brain from the emotional pain. You see when I cut myself it was about inflicting pain, because by concentrating on the place I was cutting I could actually block out the physical pain.
No, I don’t think you are a self absorbed *****. I do think you are looking for that one special friend, that will listen & won’t runaway when things get tough.