just saw a christmas countdown on the news.37 days til christmas.where the fuck did the time go?
now i’m all anxious since i haven’t found a job, been unemployed for almost a year.and it’s crushing me since i promised myself that i would make our family’s 2014 holiday celebrations grand.i’ll fund it, make my parents happy and proud,be the best eldest sis giving presents to my siblings.give grown-up gifts to my relatives as a sign of gratitude.bake a lovely cake, impress my bf and his family.
shit, i’m not going to be able to do any of that.none of that.i’m a fucking disgrace, a loser.it’s making me dread the celebrations instead.and it kills me because that’s my favorite time of year.the only time i felt that life was beautiful, even magical.as i get older, it just gets uglier and nastier.life just keeps on becoming more and more brutal.hopeless.unfair.
i long for the days when i was 4, staring at the glowing lights of our small christmas tree, and nothing mattered.when i had hope.when i wasn’t jaded, scarred and callous.god, i wish i can go back in time.
5 comments
ah yeah reminds me of last year when i woke up on the couch on Christmas morning to find a pair of pj’s & a shitty pair of headphones under the tree (neither of which i asked for or wanted)
each of us got hardly nothing spent on us (like £30 each) because there was (“no money”) it’s definitely the worst Christmas I’ve had it really pissed me off.
Why should it piss you off? I’m sure your parents tried hard to at least get you something… How do you think you’re parents felt? I’m sure it tore them up, not being able to get you things you want…
Maybe you should be more grateful that you ecebn got something… You do know Christmas isn’t about gifts under the Christmas tree?
Well i don’t have any parents & i was talking about who i live with & it pissed me off because every other time we got what we wanted & a good amount of stuff, Christmas that year was an absolute disgrace & yes it’s about presents what else did you think it was about spending time with family? yeah i do that every single day of the year the whole purpose of the day is giving & receiving presents.
I feel the exact same way. It hurts to bad to be poor… Especially around Christmas.
I, too, promised myself that 2024 Christmas would be perfect, but since not having a stady job since August of 2013 and some low paying job in July(only there for three months), I’ve been without a job. NOW, I’ve got myself a new baby girl. I’m thanking God that she won’t be about to remember her first Christmas.
Now I’m promising myself that her next Christmas will be amazing, except, I’m sure that plan will fall a part as well because I seem to fail at everything…
I hope your Christmas gets better though, hun
thanks, pumpkinlover.i guess my wish is for all of us to have a better year next year and a better christmas.hope we all hold on til next year.hope we can turn it around.