overview, i’m leaving out a lot of stuff. sorry if it’s dumb and sorry for my grammar errors:
i’ve worked at two callcenters and two help desks for the past two years. when working at a tech support/customer service telecom call center i was always told help desks where what you would find at the end of the phone answering rainbow: the workload is lighter and callers are company employees, so they must know how to do their jobs and probably have legitimate IT questions….. they’re the same and that’s bullshit.
i think it’s hella dehumanizing having to answer phones for 9+ hrs straight day in day out answering redundant repetitive questions from abusive whiny adult children who can barely grasp the concept of maximizing a window and then yell at you because it’s obviously your fault they’re so painfully stupid and just filled their company computer with malware from watching porn on it or downloading a sketchy solitaire game for their ugly grandkid or whatever stupid shit users do.
common sense, self sufficiency and accountability are unheard of at the help desk (or call-center for that matter: same shit, different toilet) when it comes to users. except when it’s you, the tier 1 agent. if you fuck up due to poor training, lack of tools or wrong information provided by a user (which is mostly the case!), it is completely on you and you should have asked more ~probing questions~ (whatever the fuck that means). and sometimes you’re blamed for other coworkers fuck ups too!
my commute is 4 hrs long- total. i have to cross the whole city to get to my job i hate and back. i have a ride but the problem is i have to cross half the city to reach it and if i miss it, i have to get there by public transportation and since my office is located in one of the most affluent areas in the metropolitan area, you can bet your ass there’s no subway. there’s like two bus routes tops and none comes or goes even remotely close from/to my place so it’s safe to say it’s pretty much inaccessible for non-drivers.
i also feel i have no autonomy over myself or what i do with body even. i’m tied to my phone. every single move i make is closely monitored and bound by whatever the end user wants at that moment; i even have to ask for permission to attend my bodily needs. i mean, i’d like to think that as an adult i get to choose when to take a shit or not…. however all these impossible-to-reach SLA goals set by clients result in management -in an attempt of keeping their jobs- becoming nannies. if the operation requires it, i have to hold my pee for whatever time i take talking to a user and whatever time it takes to clear the queue afterwards. every break second is greedily counted and checked on; if you overspend your break minutes it reflects on your performance metrics at the end of the month which can account for a reprimand or a sanction. funny thing is, if i overstay my shift and lose my ride home in case some asshole user calls a minute before i leave, i don’t get overtime pay which is completely idiotic and only makes sense in whatever dimension these hellholes come from
all my coworkers, despite recognizing all in unison that they hate their jobs seem to navigate through life seemingly unaffected by it after they punch out tho. i don’t. this shitty ass job has seeped into every aspect of my personal life. i’m completely burnt out and fed up, i’ve become hella aggressive to people i know and care for, my friends can’t stand my constant whining and perennial bad mood. i have stopped seeing them. i’m always physically sick and can’t seem to get any better like ever.
most the people i know tell me to quit just like that. what they don’t understand is that i have few to no options. I live by myself, my bills ain’t gonna pay themselves, i haven’t finished high school and don’t have time to finish a ged or whatever due to my wasting my whole day working+commuting…. and my parents sorta hate me and don’t give me any sort of financial aid so i’m pretty much fucked. some of my friends are the most insufferable and obtuse petit bourgeois. no joke, they’re almost full grown adults and still live at home leeching off their parents with the justification of going to college while failing more than half their classes. i guess that’s why they come up with such unrealistic and borderline idiotic advice. i also guess part of why i feel so shitty about my job is because i was once part of that upper middle class privileged circle and due to my poor reasoning and decision making, i kinda fell out of that and therefore lost the opportunity and freedom to actually choose what i wanted with my life.
what’s gotten me the most though is that i no longer find pleasure in anything i used to. i used to enjoy drawing and wanted to study art but i fucking hate it now that i’ve come to the realization that i’m just not that good at it even if i repeat each drawing 6+ times. i’m never satisfied with anything i draw because i have the masochistic tendency of comparing myself to others and i overpush myself until i finally give up exhausted. maybe i’m too hard on myself but a lot of my acquaintances and friends make art as an occupation and they do it so naturally and so carefree and yet they overshadow me so easily. i used to also want to study history or something similar but i’ve also realized i’m kinda stupid and illiterate so i will either a) not finish , b) not do anything productive or worthwhile with my degree (if ever do get it, of course).
feeling shitty is not like a new thing to me or something that caught me off guard or anything. i’ve never had a happy semblance and i’ve always been sort of a debby downer, but at least i didn’t want to off myself until now because now i’m an adult and i’m all by myself and count with no outside help and i’m scared of not being able to leave this shithole excuse for a job ever.
1 comment
hmmm, a 4-hour commute using public transportation and a job in the bpo industry…i may be wrong but i think i have a good idea where you’re from.anyway, it does suck to be in the service industry, especially having a high stress job as a call center agent.and it also sucks being stuck doing something you don’t love.it blows to be so tired from a long commute to and from work, doing a job that is so mentally, physically and emotionally exhausting that you don’t want.i’ve been writing about that here a lot.
i’ve been told before to just deal with it, to not “whine” or complain and such, to use what i have and trudge on because life is like that.no one gets a job they love, only a lucky few get to.i’ve been told that dreams do not come true more often than they do.i know that makes sense, but i just can’t accept that, i’m trying to, though…like you, i feel that we can and would like to do something worthwhile, something that fulfills us.it’s just so difficult to do that when you have no idea how to, and when there are bills needed to be paid.in my opinion, doing what you love for a living is a privilege, a combination of a whole lot of luck and a bit of hardwork, if at all.being the right person, at the right place, at the right time.you can guess how many times that combination has happened.i mean, after all, how many of us are bill gates?man, when i read about forbes and their lists and articles about the richest people, i can’t help but think of the fairness fallacy…life is unfair, but why is it?why must it be?who said that it should be?but i digress.
at least you have a job, you know?i apologize for the long comment.i do hope you find a way to do what would make you happy.i just wanted you to know that i can relate to your post, to that sense of hopelessness, confusion and desperation that just makes you want out.you’re not alone in the struggle.good luck to all of us.
and i guess, welcome to sp, nonono.