I just feel numb and cold. My skin feels tight and i feel like i’m suffocating. Why am I here? What am i suppose to be doing? My head feels heavy trying to figure out what path i should follow. What is Life suppose to be like? i should want what other people do right? Family, Love, Success? But i don’t. It doesn’t lift this heaviness in my chest that feel everyday. it feels suffocating to me. That can’t be all there is to life. I feel like i was born in the wrong time. Maybe i should have never existed and should be wiped out like a failed prototype. Family has let me down, religion is pulling me in all different directions. i’ve let myself down.. I’ve heard someone say to follow the life of a person who inspires you or you want to emulate. I can’t find a single person i want to emulate. i thought we were taught to be ourselves. but what if we don’t know ourselves. Are we just another imitation of someone who has passed before us? The things we’ve done in life, someone has either done worse or even better than we could ever fathom. Who are we truly. How do i know if it’s my true reflection that stares back at me? Who Am I?
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It’s all a pretty kaleidoscope illusion. Nothing exists. It’s just a game to play. Take things less seriously. When things die and crumble, just laugh. Because they’re trying to scare you. They’re trying to make you crumble. Just laugh, and laugh. It doesn’t exist. We’re just game pieces on a board. The players are trying to eat our brains.
How have I realized this? Sometimes, their game glitches. You see something that disappears instantly. A person’s face changes. You hear something not intended.
Who are you? I don’t know. Maybe it doesn’t matter. Bye bye, for now. Hope to see you at the Kalahari desert.