Why?

I can relate so deeply to this, and to your other recent posts. In fact, I just had a recent email exchange (it was a mistake, and I regret initiating it) with the object of my affection, which I ended with a similar sentiment.

Why do we go on caring for people when they betray us and treat us so badly, without even a hint of remorse? I think it’s partly because in the early stages, when we’re first getting to know them, they create such a strong illusion of being someone loving, trustworthy and loyal, that even when their real character becomes obvious, we still can’t see past that initial impression. (In my case, I’m also quite certain he’s a sociopath, and his manipulations are very hard to see through)

I think, like me, you’re pining for an illusion, a phantom which never really existed except in our minds. The real person is not nearly so honorable or worthy of our affection. Obviously, there’s a difference between knowing that, intellectually, and accepting it on an emotional level. I’m bouncing back and forth between acceptance (pure misery) and denial (still pure misery).

I’m sorry you’re suffering through all of this too, Quixotic Nomad. And I see a lot of others in the same pain. Maybe we can all help each other get through it.