Hello,
I am sure that all of you have heard your share of troubles, so I will spare the details. Suffice to say that I need a reason to continue on. I have been up and down, and lower. One of my shrinks always tells me that you can only feel as high as you have been low. . .I have yet to submerge into that euphoria. I struggle to find any real reason to continue on. What is the point? Share a couple laughs with others? Live a monotonous; day to day life. I’ve traveled, performed for people from just about every class level, studied, and dove into numerous hobbies and interests. But I struggle to take away anything other than the meaninglessness that is extrapolated from life.
I am hoping that in the despair, one of you may hold an answer, or even the beginnings of an answer. Maybe none of this made any sense, but if it any of it did, I hope to hear from you.
4 comments
My guess is that the higher you go the closer you get to touch the glass ceiling. By that i mean that you mention doing everything a person could do other than having family and kids (maybe you do and just didn’t mention them), and something i’ve noticed is that for some people, the more they do (and achieve) the more they realize how limited life really is. There is only a finite amount of things you can do, and most don’t seem too be so different from another (it’s almost always a learning experience after another). Also, if you are looking for a bigger scheme of things i honestly don’t think there is one, but that is debatable.
From most people i’ve talked to about these sort of subjects (people from all ages) i gathered that they either: go through the motions of life without thinking much about it, realize that life is actually pretty limited but accept it for what it is, devote their whole life to one cause of their choosing, do anything under the sun to fill the void (like you did), fall into despair (like i did, lol). You can mix and match some of those too, and if you look at it there is a constant there, all the types chose the meaning their life (or had it chosen for them) one way or another, and i’m pretty sure they’ve adjusted it along the way as well.
Personally i have no motives either, had a couple and where taken away (still trying to get back up from that) but one thing i can add is that i had to lost them to realize how important they were to me (knew they were important, just not how much until they were gone). So i guess maybe my reply isn’t very useful, lol. I do think your shrink was right tho, the lowest you get, the more you appreciate the highs.
I haven’t really lived. I have never had a job, though i travelled a little bit overseas when i was younger with my family. I didn’t want to be dead then though, the world was just great…
every day is the same, even if it wasn’t, i don’t know…
nice food, funny tv shows, nice music… So what….. The end result is the same… Fucking pointless….
The main reason people live is to experience happiness… Pleasure, comfort, reward. Our brain is what drives us to obtain those things. Then one day we wake up and ask ourselves ‘Is this all life has to offer?’ Go out and continuing pursuing happiness. The world is your oyster. But there’s no obligation to live.
despair is one thing i know a lot about- i have hit rock bottom, came moments from successfully taking my own life, but for reasons i do not comprehend, i am still here, obviously.
from my own experience, this is what i have learned (please keep in mind, i struggle daily with CPTSD, so our perspectives are driven by a different force)-
I have learned that life has some moments so beautiful, it takes your breath away- i’ll share one of mine– i had to pick my sister up from the airport and decided to be super nice by surprising her inside instead of curbside, as is my usual bad luck, her flight was super late and i sat down thinking ‘no good deed goes unpunished’ totally pissed off- as i sat in the airport and people watched I saw the anticipation of family members awaiting their loved ones arrival- their emotion was so overwhelming it was infectious! Grandparents meeting their grand baby – a new couple having to part for the first time- best friends … even now, i get goose bumps thinking about it- raw human emotion, to me, is beauty-
The other thing i have learned is the power of compassion- it is one thing to have empathy, to feel someone else’s pain as if your own- but compassion is the desire that motivates you to come to that person’s aid- this feeling is by far the most compelling- saving someone else when I can’t save myself…
these are the things i take with me and hold dear- with that said— are they enough? that’s up to the individual to decide- the past five years i live to survive, that is all- just survive- living like that for too long is a battle that cannot be beat and it is wearing on me BUT it doesn’t take away from the beauty that exists in life – just surviving is not a life
if you have not experienced a moment that fills your soul and takes your breath away- hang tight my friend- do yourself the honor of experiencing that before you discount it all-