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Chronic PainFamily & Friends EffectsGeneral

My way of goodbyes

by slowly-leaving
written by slowly-leaving

I wrote a letter yesterday to my grandma telling her to not blame herself for my decision. No one was to blame for what I have done. I lost my papa in 2017 and I have not coped well since then. I died with him and I have finally understood what that meant. My boyfriend has tried to help me but I don’t share my feelings. So my decision comes from only me. I am alone and have always been alone. No matter how many people I surround myself with, I have always felt alone.

It makes things like this easier because I don’t have anyone to say anything to me that might change my mind. And honestly I questioned everyday why I was even here? Why was I born to hurt? Why my parents left me at 3? Why Michael let me be abused by his gf and her sons? Why didn’t Deanna want me? Why birth me if you didn’t want me? Why did I have to have pain? Why did Michael have to run in and out of my life, continuously failing me as a father? Why is my grandma getting remarried? It’s only been a year since my papa passed. I wish you all could hear how she talks about her new life now. She’s happy but she’s quick to tell me , papa is gone and she’s about to get a new family. Am I not her family anymore? Everything is changing and it hurts. It all hurts. I can’t tell anyone how I feel because they’ll make me feel guilty. I don’t want to bother anyone with my problems because I know someone has it worse then me and I feel guilty for even sharing this.
I don’t need anymore reason to finish everything. I made my peace with it and I can’t even say sorry about it. Who is honestly going to miss me? It’s been proven time and time again that thing are always fault and it’s easy to cast me aside.
I don’t share my feelings for a reason because nobody cares. At least when I wrote my feelings down I get it out but it doesn’t matter anymore. Nothing does.

I think things would be better off without me. My parents wouldn’t have to feel guilty about me. There wouldn’t be a reason to since I’m no longer here. I feel that would make them feel better. As for my grandma she’s looking forward to her future and I don’t think it would bother her much for me not to be apart of it. It already sounds like I’m not so there’s really no reason for me to stay right? I don’t think so either.

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Rants

i don’t know what to fucking do anymore

by unknown
written by unknown

i’m 18 and i have a three year old, i still live with my parents for support but i can’t do it anymore. mentally. they’re constantly bringing me down. everyday they walk into the house i feel myself tense up. get frustrated. i can never say anything because they’re my support system. if i had a way out to make money some how i’d get out of here in a heart beat. i’ve even thought about killing myself it’s gotten that bad. but i can’t stand the thought of leaving my son in this hellhole with them. i have it so good here but what’s that good do when all i want to is die. i love my son with all my heart but i don’t think i’m good for him. i don’t know what to fucking do. i. just. want. to. die.

sorry for the rant i’m sobbing.

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My Suicide NoteStories of LossSuicidal Survivors

I have been living a lie

by anonym254
written by anonym254

I can’t stop shaking.

I’ve been lying to my parents for 3 years. They think I’m about to graduate from university when in fact I haven’t been going to school. My parents are so proud of me. It’s all a lie. I honestly don’t know what to do right now. I have no friends, I have nobody except for my parents, where do I even begin to pick up my life? The son that they love is a complete lie, he doesn’t exist. i have had really bad social anxiety and depression that i haven’t been able to even get up and go to class.My life has just been a downfall because in 2015 i was in rehab for 3 months (for which i dont regret because i met awesome people in there who drugs really messed their life up) for smoking cigarettes and being “untidy” (my dad almost beat me before i was taken) and my parents looked at me like an outcast. I joined uni in 2016 (different university because i dropped out of my first one which i joined in 2013 because of rehab and had missed alot of classes because of bad anxiety and depression) and they were kind of happy that i was trying to turn my life around. For the first year i was able to go some classes but eventually my anxiety kicked in and from 2017 i started missing classes .In one semester i was even able to attend all my classes but i didn’t take the exam because of my anxiety. I became depressed because of missing classes and not doing shit and havent been able to do anything since. I continued to lie to them and now its the final week to graduation and i dont know what to tell them and how to say it to them. i know im fucked and there is nothing much i can do except the truth but having an abusive father as i have knowing he could kill me, i might as well do it before he does. The only person who could help me is my mom and after this she wont want anything to do with me. My family looks at me weird and both of my sisters hate me. Also my sister is graduating this year and my elder sister has a masters and that even adds more disappointment. I really want to finish school though and purse my other career which i have been focusing on for the past few years in music. But it looks like this is the end of the road for me so if you dont hear any feedback from me in the next few days or at least a week.. it was nice writing this down for someone else to read and i hope no one ever gets in such a shitty situation. I put my final piece of music that i was working on because i dont know of my future. Its an instrumental (im a producer/audio engineer) Thanks and Goodbye.

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Chronic PainGeneral

I Want Different

by AshCoveredAngel
written by AshCoveredAngel

I don’t want to be ‘sick’ anymore or at least well enough I can resemble the things I want to be. Who I am is not my desire.

I’d like to work but I’m beyond just pushing myself and I’ve been denied disability.

I want to be the super mom I believed in but I’m not well enough.

I want to be able to stay with my significant other and not cry or have flashbacks about things he had nothing to do with.

I want to be all love and light.

I want to be so many things but my illness stands in my way.

Most of the time I can’t even want these things, I just want to be dead. I want the pain to stop.

I’ve been suffering for over 2/3 my life and I want it to cease.

I’ve been told I won’t get better and I’ve swallowed that hard truth. I will die with this pain and illness.

That’s not what I want but it’s inevitable. I’ve done everything I can think of but I’m still this way, this sore.

Please, powers that be, hear my plea. Do not let me wake up tomorrow.

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Fun & InterestingGeneralPoetry & ArtStories of Hope

In Parting.

by WickedApparition
written by WickedApparition

I came to share a story, and ended up staying a few days longer than expected. I am proud to have encountered each and every person that I’ve spoken with; regardless of what may, or may not, have been said.

My goal in life is simply to leave things better than the way I found them, yet I can not say with any certainty that I achieved that; though, I can, in one last effort, leave you with a few songs that may do what I could not.

 

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General

Over -reacting?

by reppolged
written by reppolged

I can’t tell any more if  im over reacting or simply following a path that was laid out for me. I’m married , just over 13 years, and we have been through hell and back, and not all on our accounts. There’s been severe injuries, that included hospitalization and surgery. There’s been job losses, several of those and on both ends. There’s been concerns with kids and family members that included losses as well as counselling. And yet despite all of the angry and terrible things we have said and done, I still try to “fix” things. I push my emotions and feelings aside to try to raise my kids but it doesn’t matter all the hurt comes rushing back and I find myself looking for an end. I have always known my method of choice, but I keep convincing myself that I’m just being emotional. I’m tried, I’m lonely and just don’t feel that I give a dam any more. So again I ask am I over reacting?

 

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Chronic PainFamily & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NotePoetry & ArtRantsStories of HopeStories of LossSuicidal Survivors

Reality is boring ! Real life is boring ! Real world is boring ! Humanity/Mankind must move beyond money & politics for real progress !

by niki
written by niki

Reality is boring, Humanity/Mankind must move beyond money & politics for real progress.

Although technology have been progressing rapidly nowadays, yet sadly in many aspects, Humanity/Mankind/Society still have slow progress; Everyday is still the same day & problems over and over again repeatedly.

I believe that in order to make a real progress for Humanity / Mankind, we must quickly focus & do the followings:

1) We must move beyond money & politics. It is outdated. A lot of problems in this world today basically stems from these two root causes (& also superstitions especially in religion, as well as in Ignorance & Stupidity due to failure in Education). For a truly real progress, we must start to focus on much more important things. Try look up/google for Universal Basic Income (UBI), as well as Resource Based Economy (RBE), The Venus Project, & The Zeitgeist Movement, for starter.

2) We must seriously consider that there is a possibility that Humanity / Mankind will go extinct / extinction. Most probably caused by our own Ignorance & Stupidity, as well as Greed. Therefore, we must prepare for the worst possible scenario, and one best solution is to start building a system of selection for the best few candidates of Humanity / Mankind (10% of the planet’s population, for example), whom will continue the future of our Humans Species in the best, smartest, most intelligent, rational, logical, most creative, wisest, & most civilized as possible.

3) Finally, we must unleash our Human’s greatest & most important potential: Imagination. If reality is boring & very limited/limiting, then the only way for us is to start focusing quickly on how to enter the world of Imagination, and turn it into reality ASAP. Some very important technology that must be quickly developed are: Artificial Intelligence (AI), Virtual Reality (VR), Augmented Reality (AR), biological Mutations, entering our Consciousness into the vast Net, as well as Transhumanism. We must turn the wildest, most imaginative movies & video games for example like science fiction (sci-fi) into reality ASAP, for real progress.

Otherwise, we will be stuck in this boring reality everyday, repeating over and over again, & even it could get worse & worse!

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Chronic PainFamily & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide Note

Going Blind

by ShesAnAcid
written by ShesAnAcid

This is my first time writing here and also writing about this so openly. I don’t know where do I start, but I do know when will all of this ends, very soon actually. I’m on the edge now which isn’t so very surprising considering there are about millions who are like me too, some, worse than me. It saddens me that I’m just one of those millions who suffer like this, that I’m only a part of some statistics scientists conduct every year. That I’ll never be someone, I’ll just be a part of something bigger. And soon, no one will remember that I was even a part of that thing.

Anyways, let’s start. 

I’m an average girl just like everyone else, none of my attributes nor personality makes me special. Maybe my wounds made me special? Maybe not. I think special isn’t the right term too, but rather a monster, a freak. And that’s all I’ll ever be.

At first I don’t know what should I write or how would I express this unsaid feelings or whom this messages for but it turns out I want to write for everyone, even for myself.

To my family- I’m sorry that I was such a big disappointment. I’m sorry if I could never be the child you always wanted. I’m sorry if I had to do something stupid and hurt you, I’m sorry for making these deep wounds in my arms. I’m sorry if I added more pain to you guys after he passed away. The truth is, he was very close to me too, you all knew that but there are also many things you don’t. I had so many wishes and messages to him that I didn’t get the chance to say. It was already too late for him, he had a great life ahead of him and I know how that must’ve hurt. But you didn’t know that it was already too late for me too. You didn’t know that I was a part of his “why’s”. You still don’t know about it but everyday it haunts me realizing that I should’ve done something. That maybe thing would’ve been different. But it was already too late.

Mom and Dad, there’s some secrets that’s buried here, you’ll probably never find this and that’s a good thing but something inside me hopes that you will. In my room, in my desk, in the cabinets. By the time I’m gone from this world, if you search long enough there, you’ll find papers containing my “why’s and apologies.” I wrote a few which almost push me into doing it, I wrote a few that was the reasons for my scars and I hope that’ll be enough for you guys as my explanation. I was supposed to burn it, making it like beautiful ashes that scatters in the wind and ever fading away but realize you should have it. And I’m sorry.

To my friends– You guys have done so many things for me that I could never thank you enough for. You’ve been a family to me and I wish I was the same for you guys. You saw something inside me that no one else saw. Even though I was that freakish cliche loner girl that was always in the corner reading a book, you still saw me. Even though I had so many knives in my back, you all tried your best to remove it and never added in it. I know you all were scared trying to approach me for the first time, I know everyone were but you guys had the guts to do it and I want to thank you for that. But you will probably never see this, but that’s okay, I just wanted to let this feelings out. I’m sorry if you saw my wounds, I’m sorry you had to worry. You guys are really important to me.

To James– You have made an impact on my life which really surprised me. You helped me on my darkest nights, you were one of the reasons that I didn’t add more wounds in my skin. You understood me and you helped me even though I wasn’t worthy to be helped. I was happy, talking to you, making horrible jokes, being with you. You saw so much, maybe too much in me that I was too blind to see. I want to thank you for helping and being with this broken girl you liked.

To Someone who made a very big impact on my mind, my heart and my life– I never thought it would be like this. I never thought it will go this far. I never thought it will actually happen. We were just both random highschool kids that was always facing the cruel world that was never on our side. You wanted to help me, you wanted to fix me even though it means you were willing to put your pieces in me to make me whole. You made sure that I was okay, you cared so much about me but cared so little about yourself. Maybe in another universe, we were both okay, happily talking with our happy lives, always smiling but I know that this will never be that universe we always hoped about. Why? Because you’re gone. And it’s all because of me. I cared so much about you too, I’m sorry if I could never repay the feelings you had for me. We were both so unstable and I only made it worse. I tried to be there when you had panic attacks, I tried to be there and talk to you like you always did for me. I started caring too much and decided to let you know about the wounds, and that was a big fucking mistake. You got scared and I got scared also, it was because of my scars that made things worse for you, for us. You didn’t believe in yourself but you believed in me even though I didn’t believe in myself. You fought for me even though I couldn’t fight for myself. You loved me even though I couldn’t love myself. When the nightmares began I didn’t know what to do. Until everything got worse for you, for us. It got worse and worse until one day..

Bang.

You’re gone.

Maybe the thing that made me feel afraid the most was the fact that we both knew what was gonna happen to the both of us but we tried our best to prevent it but in the end we couldn’t. That we weren’t afraid of the things that we couldn’t see but rather the things that was right infront of us. That in the end we both stopped trying, or was that only me? Because you never stopped trying to help me. You never stopped loving me. Maybe I got tired first but you were the first to give up. And I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry if the world was cruel to us. I’m sorry if you felt hideous, I’m sorry if you feel that you fuck things up but you didn’t when you helped me. I should be happy to tell you that I’m not slitting myself anymore, but how could I when it’s already too late for you? You were one of the big reasons why I stopped, maybe because you died stopping me? I don’t know. I want to tell you so many things. So many unsaid feelings, because I know you were always there to hear my scream and pain. You were. But you’re not here anymore. And I don’t want to let you go yet. You made me feel weak, you made me want to die of regrets but you also made me feel special, that I was someone. You made me happy, for a while. I wish I could’ve repaid you. I wish it wasn’t too late.

For me–  You. You’ve done so many fucked up shit in your life and you still are. You were always afraid of everything. Afraid to stand up for yourself, afraid to be yourself, afraid to be judged, afraid to risk, afraid to love, afraid to be forgotten, afraid to fight, afraid to live, afraid to die. Maybe that’s why everybody hate you, maybe that’s why you hate yourself. Everyday seems to be an endless cycle of unfortunate events. You should be happy, you have a home, a bed to sleep in, food to eat, couple of friends, good grades, a broken family, even though they are a mess, you’re lucky to have them, and finally, you have a life that you get to live. It’s not too late for you. It’s never too late. You got tired, you fall down. And I’m sorry things have to be this way. I’m sorry about the people. I’m sorry for all the messed up shits that you’ve encountered that made you like this, that pushed you to the edge. Please don’t be an egotistical lady. Please realize that there’s a bright future ahead of you. Please don’t go blind. I know things are getting blurry everyday, I know it’s so hard to hold on, I know it’s much easier to let go. Please hold on a little longer.

And finally…

For someone who continues to try– For someone who continues to try and help others, for someone who tries to hold on everyday, continue trying if you still can and I hope you can. The pain keeps getting worse everyday, I know. And you’re strong for that. The world is a dark place and we use dying to find light. But sometimes there are tiny lights around us that maybe we’re just too blind to see. And maybe, we could be lights too. So don’t go blind. Don’t be blinded by the lies of this world, don’t be blinded by the regrets. Fighting might be hard and I’m hoping none of us lose. Thank you for trying.

x x x x

At first I didn’t really know why I wrote this. Maybe I just needed this feelings out. It gets hard when you bottle all of the feelings inside, it’s a lot harder when you can’t contain it anymore. I don’t know where all of this will lead to. I don’t know whether if this is what’s gonna make me whole or this would be the end of me. Will I survive? Right now I’am, but I’m not sure if I’ll ever make it.

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Chronic PainFamily & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NotePoetry & ArtRantsStories of HopeStories of LossSuicidal Survivors

I wish I live in movies, books, novels, comics, anime, video games. Real world / Real life / Reality is boring & depressing.

by niki
written by niki

Honestly, I just can’t understand nor fathom why Most / Majority of people can go watch movies, read cool, creative, imaginative books / novels / anime / comics, or play super imaginative & fantasy video games, and then later on they just go back to reality, as if nothing happens, and they’re ok with everything.

I hate to say this, but Most people simply just lack Imaginations. Even worse, Most people are boring. All people care in the everyday’s reality & their lives is just the most superficial, mundane, boring, & stupid things. Which is very depressing, especially when you feel like you’re just alone & can’t relate with most people anymore.

And I even can already predict in advance, that people will quickly spout out & say boring things like: “if you find Life / reality boring, then maybe it’s you who are boring, not this awesome, beautiful Life / reality.”

Bullshit.

People who said those words are, in my experience, either usually just stupid, naive, ignorant, and/or boring, lacking Imagination & even intelligence / not too smart.

Reality IS boring & depressing. Especially the more you know, learn, & observe it.

Have any of you heard the “Avatar syndrome” ? Google it. It’s basically the post-effects that many people apparently got, after watching the movie “Avatar” (James Cameron). It’s the feeling of depression, because they’re back to reality again, after watching (& experiencing) such magical, cool, awesome, mind-blowing, breath-taking, & beautiful ‘other-worlds’ of Avatar world.

I wish I live in Harry Potter world / universe , I wish Harry Potter was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Final Fantasy world / universe , I wish Final Fantasy was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Star Wars world / universe , I wish Star Wars was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Marvel Cinematic Universe , I wish Marvel Cinematic Universe (MCU / MCEU) was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Avengers world / universe , I wish Avengers was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Lord of The Rings world / universe , I wish Lord of The Rings was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Naruto, One Piece world / universe , I wish Naruto , One Piece was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Mass Effect, World of Warcraft world / universe , I wish Mass Effect was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Skyrim world / universe , I wish Skyrim was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in World of Warcraft world / universe , I wish World of Warcraft was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in AOV (Arena of Valor) world / universe , I wish AOV (Arena of Valor) was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Kingdom Hearts world / universe , I wish Kingdom Hearts was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Mobile Legends world / universe , I wish Mobile Legends was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in Ready Player One world / universe , I wish Ready Player One was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in The Matrix world / universe , I wish The Matrix was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in magical / magic world / universe , I wish magic was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in dragons world / universe , I wish dragons was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in fairy tales / faeries / fairies world / universe , I wish fairy faeries fairies was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in cyberpunk world / universe , I wish cyberpunk was real / is real / really exist ,
I wish I live in fantasy world / universe / I wish fantasy was real / is real / really exist ,
etc etc etc

Reality is boring & depressing , & very limiting ! Real life is boring & depressing , & very limiting ! Real world is boring & depressing , & very limiting !

Fuck this boring reality ! Fuck this boring real life ! Fuck this boring real world !

I wish Virtual Reality (VR) , Augmented Reality (AR) really real & exist, and will progress much faster in those very important technology. Because I believe that Imagination is Humanity / Mankind ‘s most important potential, to turn into reality !

Otherwise, it’s probably better to just die, commit suicide, than to live / survive in this boring depressing life, world, & reality !

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Chronic PainFamily & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NotePoetry & ArtRantsStories of HopeStories of LossSuicidal Survivors

Virtual Reality ( VR ) , Artificial Intelligence ( AI ) , Transhumanist / Transhumanism , space travel , mutations : to escape this boring reality , boring real world , boring real life !

by niki
written by niki

Virtual Reality ( VR ) , Artificial Intelligence ( AI ) , Transhumanist / Transhumanism , space travel , mutations : to escape this boring reality , boring real world , boring real life !

Human’s imagination is better than reality !

Movie / Movies is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Game / Games is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Comic / Comics book is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Novel / Novels is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Science fiction ( sci-fi ) is better than boring science facts , reality , real life , real world !

I wish superpower / superpowers really real exist …
I wish superhero / superheroes really real exist …
I wish magic is really real exist …
I wish mythology is really real exist …
I wish science fiction ( sci fi ) is really real exist …

real world is boring ! real-world is boring !
real life is boring ! real-life is boring !
reality is boring !

I HATE REALITY !!
I HATE REAL LIFE !! I HATE REAL-LIFE !!
I HATE REAL WORLD !! I HATE REAL-WORLD !!

Reality sucks , boring , depressing , and very limited / limiting / many limitations !!

People / anyone / anybody who said reality is fun & interesting , real life is fun & interesting , real life is fun & interesting , are usually people lacking imaginations & creativity !

In real life / real world / reality , there is no dragons … !!
In real life / real world / reality , there is no magic … !!
In real life / real world / reality , there is no superpower / superpowers … !!
In real life / real world / reality , there is no dragon / dragons … !!
In real life / real world / reality , there is no spells , wizards , casts like Harry Potter , Lord of The Rings, Game of Thrones … !!
In real life / real world / reality , we can’t fly … !!
In real life / real world / reality , there is no time travel , time machine … !! We can’t go back to the past , or to the future … !!
In real life / real world / reality , there is no alien / aliens , cool gods , advanced extraterrestrial beings , other cool creatures with special powers , etc etc … !!

in real world / in real life / in reality , it’s all only about MONEY / business !!!!!! .. . . .
in real world / in real life / in reality , everything is about MONEY MONEY / business !!!!!! .. . . .

i hate money , I hate business , I hate jobs , I hate working , I hate work !!! …

and in real world / in real life / in reality , most people / Majority of people are stupid , shallow , superficial , fake , ignorant , boring !!

I wish Marvel Cinematic Universe ( MCU ) , Avengers is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish Game of Thrones ( GOT ) dragons , Harry Potter , Lord of The Rings ( LOTR ) is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish Star Wars , Star Trek is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish Skyrim is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish Naruto , One Piece , Bleach is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish Sword Art Online ( SAO ) is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring!
I wish AOV is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish Final Fantasy is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish Kingdom Hearts is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish RPG is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish science fiction / sci-fi / scifi / sci fi is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish Ghost in The Shell is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish The Matrix is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish cyberpunk is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish aliens is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish magic is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish superpower / superpowers is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish mythology is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish dragons is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish magic spells wizard is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !
I wish magic is real / really exist … real-life is boring / real-world is boring / reality is boring !

Most people are lacking imagination !
Majority of people are lacking imagination !
Most people are boring !

REAL LIFE IS BORING ! REAL-LIFE IS BORING & DEPRESSING / DEPRESSION !
REAL WORLD IS BORING ! REAL-WORLD IS BORING & DEPRESSING / DEPRESSION !
REALITY IS BORING & DEPRESSING / DEPRESSION !!!!!

better to die than live or living in this real world !!! …
better to die than live or living in this real life !!! …
better to die than live or living in this reality !!! …

FUCK REAL LIFE !!!!
FUCK REAL WORLD !!!
FUCK REALITY !!!

THIS REALITY IS BORING , REALITY SUCKS , & REALITY IS LIMITED / LIMITING / FULL OF MANY LIMITS / LIMITATIONS … !!!!

in this reality … sadly ,. I am just a loser failure in this Society of Humans & Money …

.

.

so again … Virtual Reality ( VR ) , Artificial Intelligence ( AI ) , Transhumanist / Transhumanism , space travel , mutations : to escape this boring reality , boring real world , boring real life !
escape into imaginations … !!

if I can’t ,… then better suicide & die than live / living in this boring real world … !!!
if I can’t ,… then better suicide & die than live / living in this boring real life … !!!
if I can’t ,… then better suicide & die than live / living in this boring reality … !!!

..

.

.

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Chronic Pain

poem

by 123hanna456
written by 123hanna456

a storm is brewing
dark and long
a storm is headed your way
huge clouds
to stop your train of thought
rain to fill your eyes
wind to stop you from hearing
a storm is brewing and is headed right for you
sending imagination your way

a storm has hit
darkening the world
clouding the judgement
stopping thoughts from processing
people only use the imagination that’s given
killing the happiness inside

A storm has passed
killed minds but left the souls

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GeneralPoetry & Art

I’m sorry this is fucking cheesy

by iwouldrathernot
written by iwouldrathernot

 

I dunno guys, I mean if anyone is even fucking reading this that is, but I’m used to being ignored so it’s okay if no one is. But okay so I was saying: I dunno, this is how I feel about this stuff.

I mean everyone on this website is here for a reason, we all have a certain tendency or perhaps curiosity, we’re all at different stages, but whenever I see people actually planning things for real I get so sad. I get sad because I really believe everyone is beautiful and interesting and has had an entire life that I will never understand, and they’ll be missing out on things.

It breaks my heart to see broken people that were not given love or support that I think every living thing deserves. It breaks my heart to think about what could have been for so many people. Genuine happiness. You know when you see some people smile and light comes from their faces? And it’s beautiful and pure and makes you want to smile as well? I wish everyone had that.

 

We we are all going to die someday, and it’s really shitty that some of us have to be here and conscious for life when we are empty and unhappy. I am a bit of a hypocrite because I definitely want to kill myself and I don’t want anyone to want me to stay because I can’t. All I can do is hope people are finding comfort here, at the least.

 

 

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Chronic PainFamily & Friends EffectsGeneral

at night

by plasticflower
written by plasticflower

i just got home from working, and it’s 11pm. normally, my brother waits for his wife to get home and then go to bed, but i guess it’s only for her. they’re both asleep. i guess they don’t care, and i don’t blame them for that, nor am i mad at them. i just found it a bit sad.
in other news, this morning was very difficult for some reason; having said this, i was really struggling to not harm myself. i managed somehow, but at work i did get hurt many times, though not on purpose. at least i don’t think so.
life has been difficult lately, but i”l just have to go with it somehow.

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Poetry & ArtStories of Hope

I Swear

by acidrain
written by acidrain

You are not alone, you are worth it.

Together we can make it through.

I swear, I will be here for you.

 

You are loved, you are beautiful.

Inside and outside, every part of you is lovable.

And if you don’t think I am being truthful,

I swear, I will prove it to you.

Because my love for you is irrefutable.

 

You are amazing and kind.

Don’t let others redefine you.

My dear, please let me remind you,

That I use you all the time as an example,

When someone asks me to describe what perfection was.

If you knew how loud they would applause.

I swear, you would drop your jaw.

 

You are sweet and honest.

I appreciate that the most.

It is what got us together, remember?

Your smile when I gave you my love letter,

And you told me how dumb I look,

When I dropped my math book after.

I swear, that was the day I knew,

We would spend every day laughing together.

 

But now you are here, crying on my shoulders.

When you told me that you can’t handle it anymore,

I hugged you as tight as I could, until your sadness are no more.

I swear, this was the day I knew,

That I will always be here for you.

 

My dear, let me remind you once again,

It’s okay to be angry.

I know how hard it is living with the pain.

And if you wish to scream,

Please let me scream with you.

I swear, I can feel your pain too.

 

But I’ll make sure that what you will never feel,

Is loneliness and depression.

Because that was my mission,

To make you happy and be the reason,

Behind your smile.

I swear, that lit up my world for a while.

 

You are here. You are alive.

You will survive.

Let the world know that you will be heard.

I swear, I will make them hear every last word.

 

Just know that in your most darkest hours,

Someone will always love you.

And I swear, that someone,

Is right by your side, my lovely flower.

Wiping away every last drop of your tears.

 

 

 

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Chronic PainFamily & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NotePoetry & ArtRantsStories of HopeStories of LossSuicidal Survivors

Human’s Imagination / Humans’ Imagination / Humans Imagination is better than Reality

by niki
written by niki

Human’s Imagination / Humans’ Imagination / Humans Imagination is better than Reality

Movie / movies is better than reality / real life / real world
Video game / games is better than reality / real world / real life
Novel /novels is better than reality / real-life / real-world /
Sci-fi / Science-fiction is better than reality / reallife / realworld
Fantasy is better than reality / real world / real life
Anime / manga is better than reality / realworld / reallife
Dream / dreams is better than reality / real-world / real-life

I hate reality !!!!
Reality it’s all about MONEY !!!!!!
Reality is BORING !!!!
Real world is boring ! real-world is boring ! realworld is boring !
Real life is boring ! real-life is boring ! reallife is boring !

and people are stupid , ignorant , shallow , superficial !!

I wish I could live in Imagination
I wish I could live in movie / movies
I wish I could live in video game / video games
I wish I could live in novel / novels
I wish I could live in fantasy
I wish I could live in sci-fi /science fiction
I wish I could live in anime / manga
I wish I could live in dream / dreams

I wish I have superpower
I wish I could be a superhero / superheroes
I wish I could have MAGIC
I wish MAGIC exist / exists

because this REALITY is boring !! REALITY is just TOO FUCKING BORING !!
people who can’t see this are usually just stupid , unimaginative, dull / boring themselves , lacking / lack in imagination !

this real world / this real life / this reality is very LIMITED / LIMITING in what I can do / what we can do !!!!
it’s all about MONEY !!!
‘Success’ , everything is measured by MONEY !!! I hate Money !!!
We live in a very LIMITED / LIMITING real world / real life / reality EVERYDAY !!!!

Imagination is better than reality !!
Imagination is much better than reality !!! . . .

maybe I should just commit suicide , than living in this reality / real-world / real-life

I am a loser in this real world / I am a failure in this real-world
I am a loser in this real life / I am a failure in this real-life
I am a loser in this reality / I am a failure in this reality

.

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GeneralRants

who am i kidding.

by me
written by me

haven’t been feeling like i need food or sleep. hallucinating a little, not really all visual but smelling random things and occasionally stopping what i’m doing to listen … i either cant get out of bed or i’m pacing the house and organizing things. its funny how they can tell what state my mind is in based on my hair, its sticking up everywhere and I wear the same clothes(I usually lose track of my days and end up getting too comfortable in them).

i feel so lonely. and pointless.

i realized i don’t need to make enough money for a coffin/service, i don’t need a funeral. i just need to get rid of my things and pay my debt.

its kind of stupid of me to think i could do something worthwhile before then, i cant even get out of my head.

its been 2 years of nothing.

and i’m never going to change. and no one is ever going to hear me. and in a few months they’re going to die, and then what. its just waiting in line. what am i even here for?

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General

I f*cked up today.

by ARegularHuman
written by ARegularHuman

Hello there. I’ve been around this site for a few months now. I see people are quite nice around here, so i guess i’ll be telling a few tales regarding how i got to the point i am at now. Perhaps what i say will fall in non-deaf ears for once.

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Chronic PainFamily & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NotePoetry & ArtRantsStories of HopeStories of LossSuicidal Survivors

i wish harry potter was real , i wish fantastic beasts were real , i wish magic was real , i wish magic really exist , i wish wizards were real really exist

by niki
written by niki

i wish harry potter was real really exist , i wish fantastic beasts were real really exist , i wish magic was real really exist , i wish magic really exist , i wish wizards were real really exist

because reality is boring , mundane , and limiting limited
because real world is boring , mundane , and limited limiting
because real life is boring , mundane , & limited limiting !

reality is all about MONEY !
real-life is all about Money !
real-world is all about Money !

Life is boring , mundane ,
movies is better than reality real life real world !
novels is better than reality real-life real-world !
comics is better than real world real life reality !
video games is better than real-world real-life reality !
MMORPG is better than real life real world reality !
manga is better than real-life real-world reality !
anime is better than reality reallife realworld !

Why human’s IMAGINATION is better than reality ??? …

here in our everyday ‘s reality , Life is all about MONEY !
and people are stupid , shallow , superficial , people are lacking imaginations , people are boring , dull , mundane !

(PS : i wish lucid dream is real lucid dreaming is real , astral projection is real astral travel is real , Virtual Reality like Sword Art Online is real , i wish dreams were real … because i hate reality , i hate real life , i hate real world ! it’s so boring , only for people who lack imagination & stupid )

does anyone agree ?
can anybody relate ?

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Chronic PainFamily & Friends EffectsGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NotePoetry & ArtRantsStories of HopeStories of LossSuicidal Survivors

I hate reality ! reality is boring ! Doctor Strange , Marvel MCU , Avengers , Sword Art Online , Virtual Reality , games , movies , novels , anime manga , comics is better than reality !

by niki
written by niki

I hate reality ! reality is boring !

Doctor Strange is better than reality !
Marvel MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe) is better than reality !
Avengers is better than real world !
Sword Art Online is better than real life !
Virtual Reality is better than boring reality !
video games is better than reality real life real world !
movies is better than real-world real-life reality !
novels is better than real-life real-world reality !
anime manga is better than boring real life real world reality !
comics is better than boring real world real life reality !

Why Human’s Imagination is much better than reality ??
movies , games , MMORPG , novels , anime / manga , comics is better than reality real life real world ??

if God exist , then God is boring god !!! to create such a boring reality / boring real-life / boring real-world !!

In reality , it’s all only about MONEY MONEY MONEY !!!
or people / Humans are stupid , shallow , superficial , ignorant , that MOST / Majority of people only care about shallow & superficial mundane things like celebrities gossip , talking about other people , status / image / fame / popularity / how to be popular / famous , how to get girlfriend / boyfriend , have kids , talk about job career business profits Money blah blah blah !!

I’ve found that people who said that “No, reality is not boring , YOU are boring ! ” are usually people who lack imaginations & intelligence ( *real* intelligence) to be able to comprehend how *truly* boring REALITY is !

I wish that Virtual Reality (VR, eg: Oculus Rift) develop quickly ,
I wish Astral Projection , Astral Travel , Out of Body Experiences (OBE) , Lucid Dream / Lucid Dreaming is real ,
I wish Science develop quickly & much faster , I wish teleport / teleportation , time machine / time travel is real ,
I wish Artificial Reality is real ,
I wish AI (Artificial Intelligence) is real like in science fiction (sci-fi) movies novels comics games anime manga,
I wish parallel universe , multiverse , another dimension , another universe is real ,
I wish science fiction sci-fi is real ,
I wish Transhumanism / Transhumanist is real ,

… so I can leave this boring everyday reality / everyday boring real life / everyday boring real world !!!!

… if all those things are not real (aren’t soon becoming real) ,.. then I think it’s much better to commit suicide / die than live in this boring reality , LIMITED / LIMITING reality , mundane reality , dull reality , stupid reality , ridiculous reality , absurd reality , harsh reality , cruel reality , cold reality !!!

can anyone / anybody relate ?

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Chronic PainGeneralI Will SurviveMy Suicide NoteStories of HopeStories of LossSuicidal Survivors

Scared to Live, Not to Die

by FlaminJoy
written by FlaminJoy

Ever since I was a little girl, living was an issue. I’ve wanted to die since I was 8 yrs old. My mother was/is evil and doesn’t have feelings like most people do. Common traits of a Sociopath; she would have a lot of sex with a lot of people just so she could feel something… Or at least I tell myself that’s the reason why. She married my dad while she was still married and had 2 sons with someone else. My dad didn’t know, but her first husband soon found out and divorced her. My dad in turn raised my two older brothers ever since they were toddlers. They still consider him more their dad than their birth dad. My mom was abusive to them as well as my dad and I. Unfortunately my dad never divorced her until September of 2013. That also just so happened to be the last time I saw my older brother Jordan alive. He was 20…
They said it was murder but then the military said it was a suicide. But what they told us just didn’t add up. They said there was a note but we weren’t allowed to see it. And they kept being extremely vague about what he actually did to commit suicide. He was gay and in the army… Doesn’t surprise me that the military would try to cover it up if it was one of their people who killed him. I miss him a lot. We were the middle children. And best friends. My eldest brother was always so mean to me. We never got along. Him and my youngest brother always were so close while Jordan and I were attached at the hip. I wouldn’t want to be close with someone who violated my innocence when I 5 yrs old anyways. Jordan always protected me. When he could anyways. Like when my mom would keep me in my room with no food, he would sneak food to me, like peanut butter crackers. When my 2 older brothers got older though, they would always be in California with their real dad. I wish I would’ve been that far away from Mom.
She would come and go though.. Like the seasons. She would come back to us in the autumn/winter when it got cold and convince my dad she’s changed, then she would leave when it got warm. During her stay with us, she always reaped havoc on the family. She would “lend me out” to her “friends” if she wanted some money or something. She would let them do whatever they wanted to me. Started when I was 4yrs old. She would do stuff to me, telling me it was okay… That was probably the nicest thing she’s ever done for me. Because she did it so that I wouldn’t be shocked when other people did it to me. Or at least that’s what I tell myself anyways…
I remember looking out my car window at 8yrs old, thinking about how I wanted to die & how dying doesn’t scare me.. Then I told myself, “What about all those new movies and songs you’re gonna miss out on?” Haha
I moved 2000 miles away from my mom and dad and most of my family in 2014. I live with my aunt and uncle now.. I attempted suicide and it freaked my dad out making him send me away and telling me to never call him dad again. He drank a lot and so I don’t blame his actions. I blame the alcohol.
February 27, 2015 I overdosed on Acetaminophen (Tylenol) and almost died. My kidneys and liver shut down and I was in so much pain.
( If you’re reading this, please PLEASE do not overdose. I know you want to rid yourself of pain, but overdosing just puts you into more excruciating physical pain. )
I remember my therapist at school didn’t even try to stop me when I told her my plan to OD. She just simply said “I’d miss you if you died.” Then she sent me home when school was out. I didn’t go to a single class that day and as I was walking home, all I could think about is how much of a burden i must be on people. When I got home my mom called and was complaining about her life idk I wasn’t paying attention, until she said, “Why did Jordan have to die? He was a blessing to this Earth. You should be under the ground, not him!” That caught my attention. I OD’d immediately after that.
Sometimes I’m happy that my attempts failed, but that’s rare. I mostly feel like I’m being held against my will. No one can control my body and yet for some reason, they think they can just keep me alive because they said so? Sometimes I understand why being alive is so important… But other times I’m so apathetic that I honestly could care less who cares about whether or not I’m breathing. Last year in October I was raped 5 times by the same guy and today some guy thought it was okay to just poke my boob. I already self harmed pretty bad today, and last night I had really bad full body muscle spasms, but I am honestly feeling so suicidal.
.
.
.
I’m not afraid to die.
I’m afraid to keep on living.

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