Unlucky-Loser

I’m not quite sure what it is about me but I just plainly suck at life.

First off I’ve never had a real relationship. Just meaningless sex (and not a lot either). I have no idea how to even make real friends(although I have a few from childhood) that truly care about you. People constantly tease me and nobody respects or even aknowledges me.

I’m a coward to the core I’m generally afraid of life. I get scared like a b*tch even when kids yell at me. Not to mention women.

I’m uncoordinated and clumsy.

My sister used to beat me up for no reason other than she felt like it. Yet somehow she is able to have friends and get people to like her.somehow I’m the bad guy in that situation.   hate her with a passion.

To top all that off I’m a black dude with a small dick. LOL

I’m 22 and I’m a complete emotional cripple.

I’ve done sick stuff in my short time here.

I’m almost certain I was born to be a serial killer. And it’s hard to say that but I have all the signs.

1: I was a bed wetter well into my teens.

2:I’m addicted to porn just like my peace of shit father.(who was a drug addict)

3:although I try not to i hate my mother not with a passion but she really annoys me.( a reformed drug addict)

4:All I think about is death mostly my own but still.

5:I’ve never murdered any animals but I’ve done sick things to them. (You don’t want to know).

6:My life is a complete void. A still-born story.

7:it’s as if I don’t exist.  And people treat me like it.

I’m an all around disturbed dude generally I want to end things to save myself and others more pain.

My mom doesn’t say it but I know she’s ashamed of me. (Although she doesn’t know most of the crap I’ve done thankfully).

Funny thing is I can say that I’m generally intelligent not quite a genius but pretty smart. My highest record on an I Q Test was 132.(although I’m a college drop out) Why would the universe waste that type of intellect on a worthless depraved loser like me is a mystery.  All in all I hope I can gather what little courage I have left and end my suffering.