I’m fucking done with this world, I’m sick of being so alone. I have no one to turn to. My fucked up brain ends up making me no fun to be around. I have severe deppresion, bipolar disorder, ADD and insomnia. So I stay up all night constantly imagining what the ceiling would look like if it were painted with my brains. I’m not a bad person, I do everything in my power to help others and do the right thing. But it always backfires. I’m so close to ending it , i’ve been like this for years. The only reason I haven’t gone through with it yet is because it would devistate my parents. But enough is enough. I’m giving my self 30 days to find at least one person I can call a friend. if I can’t find even one person who can see past all the depression to who I really am, then there’s no point in living any way.
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I’m sorry things are so bad. 🙁 I hear you about needing a friend to listen, to care, to know you. It has been difficult for me too. When you need someone to share something- good or bad -and there is no one at all. It ****s.
But don’t take it out on yourself! The world is crazy and if you let them turn you against you, that is the craziest. I know it is hard not to do this but this is a lesson you have to go through- only because it is in your lap. Many people don’t and they don’t know what this is like.
What can you do though? I know my depression keeps me from reaching out to others, joining activities that would put my in contact where I could meet friends. If I can’t get out of bed, how can I join a meet-up group and be social??!
Soooo what to do???
Believe in yourself. Realize your limits are holding you back, not that you are not friend material. Because you ARE.
Get out when you can. Take a walk. Smile at people. Say hello if you feel like it. Make it a short walk if this seems daunting. Maybe you feel you cannot do this or it is not your thing. I understand. But find something that will put you out where you can be around people.
Find a café or restaurant that you like, visit once a week. Talk to other people there if you feel comfortable.
Ask people questions about what they tell you. People like you the more they TELL YOU. BE interested in them, maybe they will be interested in you.
Remember making friends takes time. I’m there right now… not anyone in my circle of friends. It hurts. But…
Above all I know I have to take care of me. Be my friend. A friend would not say horrible things- like I’ll never have friends (no, the real truth is right now I don’t, life changes!).
AND notice I did not say I had to be my own best friend! Gah! That bugs the life out of me!! I do not have a best friend but that is okay. Because that title is reserved for someone who is not here yet. That is okay but I can be a friend to me.
I’m here for you immensely. 30 days is all it takes to turn things around, to get better.
Helping others is very kind of you, but maybe you need to focus more and making yourself better, making yourself strong instead of focusing on others and their feelings.
It sounds selfish, although it is not that at all. This world fucking sucks, but we have the power to make it a better place, to get better ourselves and to make it better for other people.
I hope you find a way to stay alive. I hope you know you have me, and the lovely Pretend Girl by your side to help you through all of this.
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I feel the same way you do. Exactly. Message me on fb: http://www.facebook.com/obscurityislove Amy Christensen p.s. now you have three friends.
I eminently appreciate your efforts to help me. It means so much to me that you want to seem me get better. But this is something I feel I must do. I’ve been suffering from depression for almost a decade. The doctors won’t give me meds. They want me to see a shrink but paying someone to listen to me complain for an hour just doesn’t help. I feel worse coming out of that room than when I went in. I’m not looking at 30 days as a deadline, I’m looking at it as a goal. I can find people who like me or I can finally be set free. Either way, I’ll find my salvation.
I’m the “atleast one person u can call a friend”. I’d like to listen every day if needed we can talk about anything. I share similar feelings as you do and I’ve gotten passed some hard stuff too so just know I’ll be here for you, you have a friend in me.
Thank you.
I can identify with how you feel. I’ve been bullied in school for nearly 10 years so I never had the chance to find friends. The few friends I had left me alone. I became very depressive and thought it would never get better. But I found friends and overcame depressions and suicidal thoughts.
I wish I could help you because I know how it feels to don’t see a light in life. But I know that there IS a light, there’s always a chance to get better.
When you want to talk to someone you can also talk to me. I can understand. I could be a friend.
I hope you can be happy again one day. Don’t give up, there’s still hope.
Don’t thank me, just stay strong. <3