OK, so I really need to just talk. This isn’t a suicide note or me asking for help to die, it’s just that my emotions are overwhelming and I need to get them out. Lately I’ve been terrified and scared and anxious. This post is going to get a little out there, but…..I am a survivor of every type of abuse with the exclusion of incest. I recently started having massive trouble with PTSD. I’ve also recently been diagnosed with bipolar depression. I am massively into BDSM. So much so that I have a Master and I am a slave. My Master doesn’t know I’m posting here. I’m afraid that if he knows, he’ll be disappointed. I need him. I don’t know how to live without submitting. I love him. I’m terrified of everything. I can barely go outside. I get anxiety attacks whenever I do. Lately I’ve started having the compulsive thought “I want to die” again. I’ve had two pay suicide attempts. One of my friends saved me. She’s not awake right now. I have a two year old son. I don’t really want to die, but that thought keeps running through my head. I feel so alone. I feel like I’m disappointing everyone. I feel like I’m stupid and ugly and hateful. This is a little bit rambly, sorry. I just feel so lost. I recently left someone who was abusing both my son and i. And now I’m more insecure than I was before. He raped me.