sometimes theres hope but then its crushed

this has become ridiculous, im not sad anymore im just angry.. why must i bare the burden and fall apart while he roams the night…

i am dreadfully tired of explaining time and time again why i am angry, WHY CANT YOU SEE?! its YOU, its always ever gonna be you. i love you with all that i am, you are my family, my world, my everything, youre all i have left in this life so imagine my disappointment when i hear on more than one occassion from the people in your life that i should watch out for you the most, that youre my greatest enemy.

how do i tell you that i miss my dad, that i want to see him because i know one day very soon he wont b around.

how do i tell you that i feel motherless, that i am dying on the inside and yearning for that maternal touch

how do i tell you any of this when you speak to me with such harshness yet ensnare the others around you

all i crave for is to be loved, i dont want to be told that i am loved i want to feel it. words are meaningless and empty, just the promises of a forgotten night. i want him to love me the way he use to, to want me and not need me, i want to be more than just something physically satisfying for him. i pray for this, i pray to know what it feels like to be loved again, i pray that one day i wont be so fucked up in my head and that for once i will understand what it feels like to be accepted