I don’t know what to beleive…

Hi. I’m new here.

I don’t know what to beleive in.

Hope is useless.

The last time I actually had fun was a long while ago. I don’t have anything I really care about.

I guess what I’m saying is I don’t feel like I have a purpose. I have no reason to be. And when something I own has no reason to be, it accumulates dust in my closet.

I don’t want to accumulate dust in the closet. I want to do something.

I have a couple friends but I… I don’t know if… I don’t know whose side they’re on. I know a girl and we go out sometimes, but she can only see so much. I’m good at school. Top of my class.

I just don’t know what to beleive.

When I look at something, I see everything wrong with it. It takes a while for me to see good in people, but the bad things, the imperfections, the flaws, I see them all. And that applies to myself too. And mankind. The only thing I still find interesting is reading about thermonuclear warheads and black holes.

You know, writing this made me figure it out.

I have no faith in humanity.

That girl I wrote about is the only thing I still have faith in. She’s the only thing I still trust. She’s the closest I’ve seen to myself.

I don’t think I want to end my life, to kill myself. But, if there was a way for me to undo my existence, stop it all before I see more, before mankind loses its last shreds of dignity, I would do it.

I just don’t understand.