Ive made mental lists physical lists of pros and cons. Ive tried to envision how my choice impacts all others. Will it be better or worse for them? Will i truly be better off? I know im tired of hurting and fighting and some people in my estimation will be better off. That’s one of the hard parts of struggling with suicidal thoughts. Unlike other big decisions you cant honestly consult close friends or experts and get good useful feedback like you can with other big decisions. I know i want to stop hurting and i dont want others to hurt either by my continued existence or lack of it. Thoughts?
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Hey stormfall, I know you’ve been suffering too much. It’s hard to know how our death will affect others… So many times I’ve been 100% sure that everyone would be better off without me, then a few hours later I want to slap myself and say “What was I thinking? Suicide would be your biggest blunder ever, idiot.”
So yeah, we have to be careful not to let our pain cloud our judgment. Sitting here, reasonably sane I think, I know my death would devastate so many others in the worst way. I’ve seen enough posts on this site from surviving family members & friends of suicide victims to know it’s NOT as simple as Poof you’re gone and everyone is free of your mess. No, it just creates a bigger mess on top of your other messes.
But I do know that sometimes the pain is so bad you don’t care what a mess you make. And that’s ok, really. Nobody goes into suicide unless the situation is desperate. And desperate times call for desperate measures, whatever they are. But to answer your question, I don’t think there’s any way we can make anyone’s life better by killing ourselves. Except our enemies, and why would you want to give them that gift?
I agree with salt, when we are in pain, it darken our vision and we won’t be able to think clearly.
in my opinion, of course i encourage you to live, that’s how you gonna find out how big impact you have to other people,in a good way.
Thanks salt. Some people would benefit from the payout and not having to deal with the mess that is me i think sometimes (like now). At times death seems to make rational sense which is scary. Of course i can never tell my drs this or ill be locked away and id definately take death over that. People miss me now bc of distance and situation. Sometimes i wonder if i were dead could they just let go and would that be easier? Would they be happier? Some days i dont see how things will ever get better and may even get worse. And i feel trapped like i said bc who can i really talk to honestly without getting judged or locked up? The biggest decision one can make and i feel like i have no resources for input.
Oh I know that feeling well. Doesn’t it suck about our illness (if suicidal thought is an “illness” at all. Look they’ve got me saying it), that it’s such a sore point that we’re not even allowed to talk about it? And that’s what pushes us deeper into it.
I’ve also had those thoughts like you said “if I were dead could they just let go and would that be easier?”
Funny thing, a few months ago I was talking with my mom about hypothetically getting “sick” and disappearing to save everyone the pain. Her response surprised me. She said, “You can never understand this, because it’s a mother thing, but even if you died I would have to see your body.”
And I was like wtf? I still don’t understand what that meant, but it showed me that my idea of others “letting go” is VERY different from my idea. There’s no way we can know how they’ll react to our actions, even though we think we’re doing what they want. Sorry I have no answers here, but I just wanted you to know I’m asking the same questions!
If you have ANY “pros” left, it’s not your time.
JMO.. really think this thru.