I’m telling everyone about this. I have support coming to me from all different angles. I’ve never felt as loved as I do now. The last period of my life I was suicidal I kept it all to myself whereas this time I am sharing my suffering and it feels good. I am showing I am imperfect, I am accepting support and advice. I have let my guards down.
Day 3 of my meds today, I am actually feeling pretty good this morning apart from I still have really bad insomnia – only 3 hours sleep or so last night. It’s the rolling around waiting for sleep which is the worst. It feels horrendous, endless, mind just buzzing with different thoughts and nothing can help me relax. But eventually I do drift off even if I only get a few hours.
Am holding onto the ‘this too shall pass’ – every time I don’t sleep the next morning I remind myself that there is an end to this and eventually it will sort itself out. Hopefully the meds will help as they are prescribed for people with high anxiety.
Suicidal thoughts started to creep in my mind today and then I said ‘No I don’t want to do that’ and they disappeared. I’m home alone today so decided to make a plan so I don’t spend the day doing nothing and feeling worse – 3 events are meals but I’m making the effort to look after myself; exercise, going to try some yoga nidra to get some rest in the day, and hopefully talk to friends again.
Talking – Helps. Can’t recommend it more. It doesn’t take it all away but I feel supported by family and friends perhaps for the first time in my life. I realise I have been looking for this support and connection the whole time and unfortunately I had to go down into the depths of despair for a) people to step up and offer it and b) for me to be open to receiving it.
Thanks for reading. xx
3 comments
That’s great are you of eastern culture? You have support here too. I take quetiapine (seroquel)for sleep its offlabel meaning not really supported for it but it works great. Just a little groggy in the morning its also an antipsychotic but at higher doses only. Lower doses its an anti histamine and anti this and that etc. But good if you need sleep. I also hope everything sorts itself out with less worry and stress.
If you are eastern as you mentioned yoga. I use to do hatha and prana yoga as a child. Then as I got older awakened kundalini. Which was great at the time so much energy and psychic charge. Now its left me schizophrenic. I shouldn’t have awakened the eastern kundalini in a western body.
Sorry to hear that, I am from Western culture. Wishing you well. Thanks for your advice regarding sleep!