The constant fear I feel due to my chemically imbalanced brain. I can’t socialize correctly unless I try really really hard, but the strain of wearing social makeup has left me feeling hollow and wishing for a swift end to my existence. I don’t care about my own life, and so I care about others even less; no point in me continuing to live. What about you?
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Oh boy theres quite a few things I am unhappy with about myself. One of the main ones is faking a smile , acting like i’m ok and then breaking down bawling my eyes out later in the day. A lot of the time for no reason. I wish I could be tough n silent like I used to when I was younger. Back then and even now when ever I’m in a bad mood people always ask why I dont speak up more. Well I have a perfect explaination for that. Its because no one really gives a shit about how you feel or what you think. I can defintaly say that from experience. It usually just leaves me more frustrated afterwards. One of the other things is my self harming. Its been going on for about 5-7 years now . This actual occurs more when I’m home for visits (holidays, summers etc.) but it happeneds when I’m away at college as well. Mostly from stress and anger relations. I mostly cut on my arms , thighs, and hips. scratch, claw, bite, using a razor , knife. sometimes i’m surprised why i’m not a complete danger to myself.
I have other issues but you probably wouldnt want to hear about them.
Thanks for your time!
I can’t bear my mood swings. I feel like my feelings and thoughts have been injected in my mind – I can’t bear it…and it makes me depressed and suicidal. I can be sad. Then in less than 10min I can be happy…
Pretty much as same as you. I’m all sorts of messed up and have been all my life. Life is a sham, a goof, it’s pointless and meaningless. We live among wolves. As for me, I seen all I want to see in this world, I had enough. Anxiety, major depressive disorder, PTSD, Paranoid Personality Disorder, ADHD/OCD, personality disorders both dependent and avoidant, addictive personality disorder, alcoholism, failing at life constantly for 31 years. The problem is, I can’t get Numethal or a powerful gun to blow my brains out. I’m stuck here to suffer. It’s sadistic at this point that doctors won’t even allow me to receive euthanasia. Do they not understand that emotional pain is just as bad as physical?
For me, I think it’s the social isolation. Much like you said, we can pretend to be “normal”, but we can never really connect like other people. I can appear outgoing, but I feel so alone because I just feel so different from those around me.
And yes, the world is meaningless. Our main goal is to eat, sleep, and reproduce (according to fundamental biology anyway), and no life really has any meaning. Some people find meaning in their social circles and discover joy and happiness, the rest of us wander around the perimeters of society waiting to be struck down.
Being alone as in nobody to hold me when I cry
What I am most unhappy about? That I have done so much in my 33yrs of life yet i live in a way I cannot enjoy it. Epilepsy and the limits the puts on life and what I want to do with myself while I watch others fully capable yet waste their life away doing nothing.
You guys prety much sums it up for me, I just wish we would live some where together far away from this so called “normal” world, it would be much easier to connect and live with ppl who understands you,..
Haha, though this would never happen, I can’t help but wonder what would happen if you put all of us on this little site in a room and give us a bunch of snacks and drinks ;D
Altogether in the same room, sounds like a suicide pack. Might not be the greatest idea when most people on the site all think of the same thing at one time or another. Just my thoughts, same time it could go the total opposite way and it may be the best thing for everybody.
We all can talk and hopefully understand one another better than everybody else and not be judged. I mean where else could we openly say what’s on our mind and not be thrown into an insane asylum or put on some for of drugs for speaking our mind.
My body and my family is what I’m most unhappy about..
My body because A- I’m fat, and B- even if I lost weight, I wouldn’t be able to pass as a guy EVER cause of my hips.
My family because my dad has a messed up back and can barely move, and my sister has PCOS and other aweful things and I constantly have to see my family in pain. On top of that my mother’s always working and never has time for me anymore…
tphg, you summed it up pretty well for me. That’s exactly how I’ve been feeling. I also feel I’ll never be happy with myself. I feel I’ll always just be used by people and then forgotten. I don’t know if I’ll ever be able to live for myself because my condition have caused me to rely on people, so I always feel like a burden and I hate myself for it.
*has not have.
most unhappy about not being physically dead