I converted from being agnostic to being a Christian a while back because I believe that God had given me a love so great that it must have been blessed by the stars above. It was so great that it had the power to restore my faith in God and I promised that no matter how the relationship turned out I would continue to love and serve God. I announced to the world that I have converted to Christianity. Unfortunately this love which was too good to be true really was too good to be true, as it was just my mind playing up on me. The whole story can be read here: http://suicideproject.org/2015/07/confessions-of-a-psycho-stalker. Long story short, I believe I am suffering from erotomania and none of what I thought was real actually was. It was merely my mind distorting random messages on Facebook.
So given the love, which was the one thing that restored my faith in God, never did exist I do not know if I should still continue to believe in such God. For one thing, having announced my new found devotion to God to the world, my family now have an expectation that I will do what Christians do e.g. Go to church. I had also had associated the blissful state of ecstacy (the feeling of being in love) with God and it feels as though my soul heals through my spiritual encounter with God. But if that one thing that drove me to God never existed, it just does not make any logical sense to continue with my faith. If there is a God, why would he let me see the light only to have my lenses taken away from me. I wish for anything that that love was real and that I’m not just crazy but it looks as though the latter is true. So what do I go on believing now?
2 comments
I’m gonna be honest even though my mother is a pastor and I am also consider a christian. I honestly still struggle with my faith. Well mostly due to the fact that for a long period in my preteens I was bullied severely by my some of my classmates for a variety of reasons and suffered through depression. I know your have a hard time right now but I am just gonna saying this. Regardless of what you choose god will never abonden you. god bless and have a good day1
I ambandoned my faith, and it hurt like you wouldn’t believe, made me crazy, drove me to some ridiculous conclusions rivaling those of cult leaders and killers. At first that is… Then I got a little bit more of a grip on what I believe, stopped calling myself agnostic, and stood by what made sense to me and then it started to help. I’m not gonna say I’m happy because I turned my back on God but ever since my mom raised me Christian I’ve been confused and now I can at least be sure about what I think.. proud even. My advice is just to be honest with yourself. Whether you’re a wayward angel, or a cold child of Satan like me.