I don’t know whether to cry or laugh. I’m so god damn done. I’m done with living and feeling like absolute shit.
Yet, I can’t even kill myself. Or cut myself. That used to be my escape and now it doesn’t help at all.
Today, I kept jerking the car, knowing my step father would feel pain. And I wanted him to. I wanted him to feel a fraction of what I feel everyday.
And my half sister wouldn’t just shut up. I screamed at her. And I would’ve kept screaming at her but my step dad told me to knock it off.
I wanted to drive the car off a bridge.
I think that’s how I’ll kill myself.
By driving my car off a bridge, late at night.
I hope they never find my body, or if they do, I hope it’s absolutely broken and bloody.
So that when my family goes to identify my body, they see how I felt, all my life. Broken, ugly, useless, lifeless.
Not like they’ll care.
And I want to run away. I hate it here, and I never want to come back.
Can I come live with someone?
Forever and Always,
The Girl Who Needs More Help Than Can Be Given
2 comments
Nobody is beyond help. There is always help. You just need to never give up and ask for help. Obviously don’t just quit if the help seems hopeless. Not all Psychiatrists, Psychologists or Counselors are good and even if they are you have to find someone you feel comfortable with.
I was seeing a very well renowned Psychiatrist for 10 years and one day he just stopped writing in his notepad, looked up at me and said. “You are going to cause me to have a breakdown”. Wow, I didn’t know what to think.
if you were in canada you could come be desperate with me. im a fucked up vagabond who lives in a car. no family, no friends, no options. but my car speakers are pretty good. i will say that