Tired

Well… I’m a Brazilian boy, 18 years old (English is my second language, but i’ll try my best here.)

My first attempt of ending my life was in 01/01/2014, i tried taking antidepressant pills, i’ve ended up in the hospital for 3 days… my father commited suicide when i was very young, my mother never talks to me, when i was 7 years old i was abused by an older boy… later on i’ve became homossexual… no one knew about all this shit ’til 2 years ago…
i’ve dated a boy who is trying to help me now, i think sometimes that he’s the only person i have…
i’ve became a cocaine addict, an alcoholic… and a self-harmer (my left arm have several scars of cuts and cigarette burns )
I’m not sure of anything anymore, i am feeling like a waste of time for everyone… i really don’t want to make anyone sad…
But i’m tired of living this way…
I think i’m gonna hang myself, i just can’t take it anymore
I don’t know how many time i’m gonna last…
I guess that writing this is my last resort…
Like everyone else i’ve always wished to be happy… I can’t deal with this pain any longer
I feel like i’m dead inside… just numb…
No purpose, No reason to smile, and almost completely out of hope…
I don’t want to be like my dad… But i don’t know if i can avoid it anymore…
I live the same routine of alcohol and coke almost everyday…
I’m sick of all of this.