My “anchors”
1) I find death enormously mysteries although I know I have to die one day but still I feel quite scared of hereafter I have thought about it(what happens after death) almost everyday more you think about it more mysterious it seems. Although I am Atheist and believe that all of my experiences are neural activities in my brain but when it come to consciousness or becoming conscious again after death I am completely open. I have some scientific ideas on how it’s possible to come into existence again after death.
2)I feel really frustrated to think it I really killed myself how other ppl will talk about it (neighbours, relatives) for some days… In fact this one is biggest reason.
Liam89, you should do some reading about near death experiences. The more I read, the less I’m afraid of dying (and even look forward to it). I won’t waste site bandwidth by reposting my replies to other threads, but you can search the Internet. Or if this site allows, email me and I can send you links I’ve found.
Thanks for sharing… Now that i think about it… Yeah… My whole family’s gonna have a lot of side comments and insult filled babbles after…. They might just all do it at my funeral for starters. Not that they care… They just like to bring down other people for them to feel good about them selves.
Big anchor. Why not live until she’s on her own, an adult who’s making her own life. There’s no way she can’t understand, she’ll be happy you held on to spend years with her.
But I think a person is understanding at any age. I hope for the best for you.
Thanks for responding to my post… Though i think at any age… She would never understand… And i hope she never does.. Coz if she would ever find what i will do as acceptable… Then she might deem it ok for herself.
Sometimes though… I feel that she would be better off without me.
Her dad has become a good father to her lately. he has her every weekend. And the last time he brought her home my daughter’s hug to say goodbye to him looked like she was actually gonna miss him. She used to hate going there… But now i think she will be ok.
For me , it’s my brother. Only a few years ago, we had to go through the painful process of clearing out and selling our childhood home. I keep saying to myself what an a**hole I’d have to be to make him go through that again alone, in sorting through my accumulated houseful of crap.
Of course, I could just pack the car with the “most important” crap and torch the house. But that would of course bring its own issues.
Well… Thinking from your brother’s perspective… It might be better for him to have to clean up… Than to be left with nothing and be homeless…
You are lucky to have a brother thats dear to you. I have an unbelievable amount of siblings and yet i feel alone. I have 2 on my mothera side and 24 with my dad…. I dont even know most of them in person…. I only see them on facebook.
Your post made me think of something: I remember when I was a little girl and I wanted to have kids so I would be sure that someone would love me forever and I would love them back forever too. I’ve always wanted unconditional love. Sounds very silly but that’s exactly how I used to see parenting, motherhood and things like that before.
I’m “okay” with my shitty life right now, but who knows when I’ll have my next existential crisis or revisit my past again. I guess that fear of failing is my biggest concern; I do love some of my family members but that didn’t matter in the past to me when I was actively suicidal.
Im glad that it seems like you’re doing ok right now. Keep strong. Take care. I hope someday you will also have a kid of your own. A child’s love is unconditional.
21 comments
The only anchor I have is a lack of resources
I hope you find something good and hopeful instead of a way.
My “anchors”
1) I find death enormously mysteries although I know I have to die one day but still I feel quite scared of hereafter I have thought about it(what happens after death) almost everyday more you think about it more mysterious it seems. Although I am Atheist and believe that all of my experiences are neural activities in my brain but when it come to consciousness or becoming conscious again after death I am completely open. I have some scientific ideas on how it’s possible to come into existence again after death.
2)I feel really frustrated to think it I really killed myself how other ppl will talk about it (neighbours, relatives) for some days… In fact this one is biggest reason.
Liam89, you should do some reading about near death experiences. The more I read, the less I’m afraid of dying (and even look forward to it). I won’t waste site bandwidth by reposting my replies to other threads, but you can search the Internet. Or if this site allows, email me and I can send you links I’ve found.
Thanks for sharing… Now that i think about it… Yeah… My whole family’s gonna have a lot of side comments and insult filled babbles after…. They might just all do it at my funeral for starters. Not that they care… They just like to bring down other people for them to feel good about them selves.
Big anchor. Why not live until she’s on her own, an adult who’s making her own life. There’s no way she can’t understand, she’ll be happy you held on to spend years with her.
But I think a person is understanding at any age. I hope for the best for you.
Thanks for responding to my post… Though i think at any age… She would never understand… And i hope she never does.. Coz if she would ever find what i will do as acceptable… Then she might deem it ok for herself.
Sometimes though… I feel that she would be better off without me.
you may think she is better off without you, but she is better off having you,who else does she have to look up to??? I don’t know i’m just guessing
Her dad has become a good father to her lately. he has her every weekend. And the last time he brought her home my daughter’s hug to say goodbye to him looked like she was actually gonna miss him. She used to hate going there… But now i think she will be ok.
For me , it’s my brother. Only a few years ago, we had to go through the painful process of clearing out and selling our childhood home. I keep saying to myself what an a**hole I’d have to be to make him go through that again alone, in sorting through my accumulated houseful of crap.
Of course, I could just pack the car with the “most important” crap and torch the house. But that would of course bring its own issues.
Well… Thinking from your brother’s perspective… It might be better for him to have to clean up… Than to be left with nothing and be homeless…
You are lucky to have a brother thats dear to you. I have an unbelievable amount of siblings and yet i feel alone. I have 2 on my mothera side and 24 with my dad…. I dont even know most of them in person…. I only see them on facebook.
I think of how devastated my family will be after I call it quit. I’m struggling and dwelling on this idea
Same here, it’s the people who love me.
You seem like a really nice person. Im sure you are well loved. Take care.
Hang in there… At least you have a family that you love and loves you back. Take care.
Can’t fail at dying. I should care about what my parents and online boyfriend think if i died but i don’t really…. I know i should. I know
I read in one of your comments about your bf. I envy his will to live. Maybe his strength rubbs off on you. Take care.
Your post made me think of something: I remember when I was a little girl and I wanted to have kids so I would be sure that someone would love me forever and I would love them back forever too. I’ve always wanted unconditional love. Sounds very silly but that’s exactly how I used to see parenting, motherhood and things like that before.
I’m “okay” with my shitty life right now, but who knows when I’ll have my next existential crisis or revisit my past again. I guess that fear of failing is my biggest concern; I do love some of my family members but that didn’t matter in the past to me when I was actively suicidal.
Im glad that it seems like you’re doing ok right now. Keep strong. Take care. I hope someday you will also have a kid of your own. A child’s love is unconditional.
I’m not sure if I would have one if I could now that I’m an adult, but thank you Bluerose. Take care and stay strong you too.
Now… im sure… She will be ok when im gone.