again

Happened again, caffeine this time would have had more but visitors came so I had to stop, close though. I seem to be lacking a sense of fear now even when my heart hit 200bpm I was not scared. The world seemed to come I’m overwhelming waves of euphoria as well as caffeine I added some oxy, tramadol and seroquel probably evened it  out too much. I cannot stop thinking  I have never stopped thinking and I always remember I hate it but it’s me I hide it for so long but then I break and I will again it seems an inevitability of me.