Last chance

I’m going try and fight this one more time – this time I’m not holding back and I will give it my all.
The thought of suicide is still appealing to me, of course it would be after years of a sickening pain that has now left me wondering who I am as a person and how my miserable soul could possibly fit into this world.
But after my last failed attempt I realised that I would not go out without a fight. This life has kicked me down and kept me in the dumps for as long as I can remember. And who should I blame? Mom? Dad? Society? The answer I currently arrive at is that I am to blame, because I didn’t try everything I could to beat this numbing empty feeling that consumes me.
So, next week I will voluntarily check myself into a psych clinic for 3 weeks/a month and submit myself to intense therapy with someone who I have grown to trust. And soon after that I hope to embark on a spiritual awakening excursion in Peru, which I have heard a lot about and researched extensively.
I’m on the path to find myself again and as scared as I am, I need to know that I at least tried. If I fail, so be it – at least I will be more content with my decision to ctb.
Wish me luck and I wish you all luck for whatever path you choose 🙂