I’m a very cheerful person, in fact way too cheerful. I’m intensely outgoing and introverted, it’s hard for me to ever talk without having a smile on my face. I’m notorious among my peers for having a wild sense of humor. Nobody ever believes me when I tell them that I am in fact very depressed, and have been for a very long time. It’s very hard for me to be by myself because I get plagued by feelings of anxiety and suicidal thoughts. Most of the latter due to boredom. I am always bored. It’s something I’ve complained about from a very young age, and has been specially hard to combat as of now because I’m not working or studying…
I feel constantly unsatisfied by the amount of social interaction I need. I guess most people would suggest for me to try to go out and make more friends. I have a loooot of friends, and I am fully aware that I’m very loved. But it’s nearly impossible for my need for social interaction to be satiated considering that most people spend the majority of their time studying or working.
Basically, I don’t know how to be by myself and it sucks. Does anyone else feel the same?
3 comments
YES! I was always the super happy cheery friend. My best friend when I was little even mentioned how she could tell I was smiling over the phone! All but two friends have no idea i have depression, and I hope to keep it that way. I’m sure they’d all be surprised if they ever found out. I’m not always super social though, but if i’m left to myself for too long my thoughts will get the better of me and ill just go down hill from there. that’s what happened this summer. everyone left town to go home and my boyfriend left for an internship so I was all alone, and had no internet or TV so I had to find old fashion ways to entertain myself. I got super lonely and tried over dosing like every week. then it just got worse and I decided to really kill myself and that just ended me up in the hospital. And now everyone’s back for fall semester and i’m back to my “happy” self and no one has a clue how close I was from not making it. But when I get home at night and i’m alone I get super lonely and sad…and my thoughts start to get to me. But if your ever lonely I’m always here to talk to!
It is perfectly okay if you feel bored all the time.
All you need to do is to find a way to utilize your time. Do something that you will enjoy.
Read the books, go for long drive, do exercise, travel, etc etc.
There are innumerable options available to utilize your time.
I think the reason you are depressed is – your mind repeatedly alerts you that “you’re neither studying nor working, you’re wasting your time.” These alerts bug you all the time.
These thoughts occupy your thinking.
Tell your mind that – “I’m not wasting my time. If I’m not working or studying, this doesn’t mean that I’m a bad person. I’m lucky that I’ve got time to decide what to do in my life. I’m pretty lucky that I’m giving time to myself and this is very important.”
My God. We have exactly the same problem.