It does not do well to dwell on hatred takes up too much of energy that could be used for other great things. fuck those people dont let them effect your life any longer. I’m confident you’re too good for that and they dont even deserve your hatred. the worst thing u could ever do to them, is treat them and feel about them with nothing more than indifference that’ll cause them more damage than hate ever could
I’m reviewing my life, wondering where I went wrong. I am watching all the people that appear to have everything and wondering what their untold story is about.
Sleeping.
My dad.
Pies I need to make.
How my cousins are going to react to my letter.
Hazy.
French toast.
Codine, Morphine, and what else is there?
Laundry.
freeXroma
Trash collection.
Subpar sesame chicken.
Yes, Hazy, I think about you from time to time. You’re a giant bundle of multi syllable words I’m too tired to type right now and you are so out of control AND have your shit together at the same time. You seem so good at balancing on a knife edge… I wish I had skills like that. Plus your hair is perfect.
That is quite possibly the nicest thing said to me today. I was going to add about the shitty people IRL that I live with but it’s pointless. *insert sad face here*
God no. Dad was on his pain meds for two days and, sadly, a zombie. Last night he decided to not take them and thus was very uncomfortable. I was woken up at midnight, 2am, and 4am. Now I’m the zombie. My eyes feel like glass balls lost in the Mojave.
Im trying to get my heart to feel something by picturing all the people I think mean something to me. Its not really working. The emptiness doesnt want to go away.
@bah. I used to keep this list in my head. My revenge list of all the people who abused me. It was a fairly long list. The only way they would come off the list would be if they died or I found a way to get revenge. I was positively seething with anger daily and reviewed the list constantly. Rage is exhausting. The list started with my parents and wound its way through my family, school mates, neighbors, teachers and past friends. I was on the list as well. I so understand this.
I still have the rage I’ve redirected it though. The list was so long and extensive there was nothing left in my life but the rage. On day I woke up and realized that I either had to redirect the rage into something that would sustain my life or I was simply going to drink myself into a stupor and get murdered in some rage induced fight at a bar. There are days I still see red. Thank you for sharing this with me. It may sound dumb, but it makes me smile to think of myself back then.
24 comments
It does not do well to dwell on hatred takes up too much of energy that could be used for other great things. fuck those people dont let them effect your life any longer. I’m confident you’re too good for that and they dont even deserve your hatred. the worst thing u could ever do to them, is treat them and feel about them with nothing more than indifference that’ll cause them more damage than hate ever could
I’m reviewing my life, wondering where I went wrong. I am watching all the people that appear to have everything and wondering what their untold story is about.
mm…your username is SO making me hungry… 😛
Come and bring me some food!! LOL
I’d love to bring you food. Lol
Sleeping.
My dad.
Pies I need to make.
How my cousins are going to react to my letter.
Hazy.
French toast.
Codine, Morphine, and what else is there?
Laundry.
freeXroma
Trash collection.
Subpar sesame chicken.
That’s about it right now.
?
Yes, Hazy, I think about you from time to time. You’re a giant bundle of multi syllable words I’m too tired to type right now and you are so out of control AND have your shit together at the same time. You seem so good at balancing on a knife edge… I wish I had skills like that. Plus your hair is perfect.
and I’ve always wanted perfect hair.
…drops mike.
Hey Hazy. I worry that I irritate you. I crave your respect. I think it’s because we are both very humble, beautiful people.
That is quite possibly the nicest thing said to me today. I was going to add about the shitty people IRL that I live with but it’s pointless. *insert sad face here*
Hey, I made the list too!
>_> :…: <_<
^_^
heh that was kind of fun…
I'm alright, Thanksgiving was manageable.
Did you get any sleep at all?
God no. Dad was on his pain meds for two days and, sadly, a zombie. Last night he decided to not take them and thus was very uncomfortable. I was woken up at midnight, 2am, and 4am. Now I’m the zombie. My eyes feel like glass balls lost in the Mojave.
That’s rough.
Guess you’ll up your coffee intake today, huh?
Try to fit in a power nap or two if you can.
Stupid link filter!!!!
****
Eight cups already. Tongue feels like pay by the hour hotel room carpet.
I’ll sleep when I’m dead.
Oooo. Watch this video. It’s one of my faves!!!
youtube.com/watch?v=kSW1m83GqzY
Im trying to get my heart to feel something by picturing all the people I think mean something to me. Its not really working. The emptiness doesnt want to go away.
@bah. I used to keep this list in my head. My revenge list of all the people who abused me. It was a fairly long list. The only way they would come off the list would be if they died or I found a way to get revenge. I was positively seething with anger daily and reviewed the list constantly. Rage is exhausting. The list started with my parents and wound its way through my family, school mates, neighbors, teachers and past friends. I was on the list as well. I so understand this.
I still have the rage I’ve redirected it though. The list was so long and extensive there was nothing left in my life but the rage. On day I woke up and realized that I either had to redirect the rage into something that would sustain my life or I was simply going to drink myself into a stupor and get murdered in some rage induced fight at a bar. There are days I still see red. Thank you for sharing this with me. It may sound dumb, but it makes me smile to think of myself back then.
I have a similar list myself. I wont stop until Ive exerted my revenge on everyone who made me suffer. That is a promise.
@Ylem: I find it exhausting. Sustaining that level of rage.
Yeah… …and I see Hazy said everything better than I could.
Ive had rage all my life. Learned to live with it. Now is the time to release it, on them…
All that tension finally gone. I cant wait.
Who would you release it on them?
A shitty family that has been torturing me and my family for as long as I can remember…
I have been containing it, releasing it only onto myself. Its high time I set it free. Maybe I’ll start feeling human for the first time.