We’d been together for exactly 2 years and 10 months when she broke up with me. Two weeks ago, we’d been happy. I never believed this could happen. I think I’m still in shock. She called me wife sometimes and said she felt like we were already married. We had a future planned, including kid names and a possible move overseas.
Maybe it would be easier if the reason we broke up was because we weren’t a good couple. I’m not entirely clear on the reasons she broke up with me- I’m not sure even she is – but I can make a good guess. She has PTSD because a sibling abused her. Right now, I think she’s feeling like she might be relapsing into depression or at risk of some kind of breakdown. She also feels like she can’t be strong for me- my depression and anxiety has been getting worse in the last few months and I think that scares her. She said she needs to be alone in order to work on her family relationships and figure out how she wants or needs them to be.
I know that I was triggering sometimes. I was angry at her family, mostly her mother, for not protecting her and not doing anything about the abuse when she tried to tell her about it. I know I upset her, made her feel like I didn’t like her family. But she never told me how much I was upsetting her until a few months ago, and since then I’d been working on making showing her that I do like her family. She’s even said she could see how hard I was working. Maybe, unknowingly, I did too much damage with the things I’ve said, but I don’t think that’s true.
I thought our commitment to each other was serious. She said she’d never leave me, that she was in this for real. I meant it when I said I’d never leave her, and that I’d always be there for her. You don’t leave a committed relationship, someone who you’ve called wife, just because you’re having mental health (or any type of health) issues. This is something you deal with together, that you support each other. She told me she’d never leave anyone over depression, and yet, at least in part, she did. I know she feels mentally weak right now, but she could’ve told me this. She could’ve told me how worried she was about my health. I could’ve done things to ease her stress and to support her, but I never got the chance. Right now, despite being depressed, I feel like I could be strong and supportive for her. I’ve also just started TMS (a depression and anxiety treatment) which, if it works, means that I could be feeling better, potentially even in remission, only 6 weeks from now.
It hurts so much right now. I feel betrayed that she could leave me, that she could break all her promises and give up on me- on us. I feel so lonely, losing my best friend. I feel so devastated by the memories of things that will never happen again and the loss of a future I dreamed of.
I don’t know how to get through this. I was already depressed and anxious before she left me. I already struggled with not enjoying things as much (or at all) and dealing with sadness. I don’t know how to deal with this grief on top of it. I’ve experienced concurring depression and grief once before, but it wasn’t like this. This is soul-sucking. This is feeling like I want to throw a temper tantrum like a toddler because this just isn’t right, she can’t leave me! This is feeling like I’m being stabbed in the chest every time I realize that our life together is gone.
As I told her many times, she would be my soulmate if I were to believe in soulmates.
17 comments
You wanna kill yourself because you broke up with some broad?
Please.
Dames are a dime a dozen.
You wanna be a cliche? If not…
Find a better reason to off yourself.
Why the aggression, Morris? OP said they were already depressed and anxious before the breakup–this would put practically anyone over the edge if that depression was serious enough. No animosity by the way. I just think that there’s no reason to invalidate OP’s feelings.
@ZigZag; Interesting perspective.
I can’t imagine basing my self worth on a scorned lovers opinion. They obviously have bad taste, why the fuck should I care what they think?
My toilet paper has wiser words of wisdom. 🙂
That’s your opinion, Morris. OP’s taste is their own. They arent basing their self-worth on a scorned lover. they were depressed before that, and then this happened on top of it. If you don’t care, then why bother posting at all? I believe you when you say you think Your toilet paper has wiser words of wisdom, cuz you sure do talk a lot of shit. @OP: what really comes a dime a dozen are people like this. Pay him no attention, he’s just trying to troll and start shit for no reason. You’re allowed to feel the way you do.
You know how people say “there are two sides to every story”? They’re right. Everyone is biased, and everyone tells their own one-sided version of the story.
You can’t believe the bull-shit stories you read here. The liars don’t even know that they’re lying, they’re just providing their version of ‘the truth’.
Hmm. I’ll admit I hadn’t considered a fake post. But I will say that if a liar doesn’t know they’re lying, then they aren’t lying–they’re just delusional. Sick in the head. I’m not gonna make any assumptions about who’s post is real and who’s isn’t though. There’s always the possibility that a post that looks fake is actually sincere. But that’s just me.
Haha.
It’s impossible to fathom that you might meet crazy people on a suicide site.
A suicide site? This is surely a place where I’ll meet well adjusted, productive members of society. Crazy people don’t congregate here, right?
I’m just saying, what seems like bullshit to you could, to someone else, be a big problem because they’re sick. People develop in different ways, and so everyone has their own way of dealing with different issues. I’m not saying that there aren’t people here who abuse the system for attention. I’m saying that even though that’s what they do, the need for attention in itself is evident of some kind of issue. And by the way, I don’t leave words of wisdom. I just like to let people know that they’re not alone. Not that it really matters. I don’t want to keep going back and forth with you. You have your views, and I have mine. I’d just like to leave it at that. Fair enough? You have yourself a good night, Morris.
@Zig7ag; It’s all good.
I like your rolling papers.
Smoke it up
I wasn’t going to say this, but it seems like the whole point was missed. OP made it clear towards the end of the post–they aren’t suicidal over the break up in itself. It’s the culmination of things that were already going on. Yes, there are plenty of other fish in the sea. But knowing that doesn’t make all the other stuff go away. It’s that the break up has just made things worse. But anyways, that really is the end of all I have to say.
Morris is right to some extent. Broads are dime a dozen, but someone you truly love and think is your soul mate? heh, comes once in a blue moon. I’d say the mourning period is completely justified, same with the pain that comes with it. Been there, know how it feels, still kicking me once in a while. Time does help, but that answer doesn’t help.
I know this doesn’t help either, but i’ve been there. Being left for health (physical and mental) issues by someone i could have sworn was my soul mate (4 years of relationship). After a couple of years of suffering like hell tho (which would be now) i can say i was wrong. You did say it on your post: you don’t leave someone you love just because they’re having issues, you fight it together. And honestly? you deserve better. Someone that leaves when things get difficult isn’t worth your life, regardless of how good she might have been while she was with you, because the pure fact that she left you when you were down… well, sort of invalidates whatever love she gave you before. You can’t trust someone like that, because you don’t know when things will get difficult, so unreliability is one of the worst things you can find (imho) in a commited relationship.
But hey, that’s just my opinion, so take it with a huge grain of salt. If i have to act like a mind reader i’d say Morris was just trying to point out that someone that leaves you when you’re down is not your soul mate, and is just some girl, which you will run into a lot of times in your life. Or maybe i’m just reading too much into it because Morris is a cool guy and i enjoy exchanging little conversations with him from time to time, lol.
I was never engaged, but I dated this guy named Dan a while ago. We hardly ever argued, and at the time, things seemed to be going so well. Everything was awesome. And then one afternoon, out of the blue, he called me up and told me that he didn’t want to be together anymore. He didn’t give me a reason why, and to this day, I still have no clue. I suspect that he was getting tired of me being depressed, plus we were getting shit from people about being two guys that liked each other. It’s been a while since that happened, but I never really got over it.
Breakups are hard enough as they are. I can’t imagine what pain you must feel, having been engaged to her. My heart goes out to you. I hope that you find comfort somewhere, even if it’s only temporary. I wish you the best.
Thank you for your condolences. I’m sorry you had a relationship where you felt they left you because of depression. While I think my depression was a factor in why my fiance left me, it wasn’t the reason she left me. If it had only been my depression she was dealing with, and not her PTSD, she wouldn’t have left me. I’m also sorry you’ve been harassed over dating a guy. My ex and I were lucky in that we haven’t had to deal with discrimination, except for when we went to Texas to visit her parents.
I am sorry you are hurting so much. It is a lot on top of your anxiety and depression. It hurts like you want to die but you won’t die, even though you want to. It sounds like the relationship was emotionally intense and you were helping each other through life and that is a beautiful thing. It could be that she feels overwhelmed right now and just needs a time out. Even though it is really tough if you can get yourself together and be strong you can be there for her if she reaches out after a little while. If you fall apart and especially if you attempt suicide and fail you risk ruining what you had forever. If you kill yourself you will ruin her life and she doesn’t deserve that. So, I think that it is good to allow yourself to hurt, be sad, be angry, feel betrayed but don’t let it consume you entirely. I know that you are really lonely now and you need to try and fill that gap a bit. Chatting here and also talking about what you’re going through is helpful and probably anything that passes the time a bit. Try to look after yourself (get fresh air, drink water, shower eat) because you need to be strong if she reaches out or worst case scenario if she never comes back. The way you’re feeling is normal, justified, valid. I know you are in hell right now but it won’t last forever.
I’m not actually suicidal, but I really wish I didn’t have to exist right now. Or that this is just some kind of nightmare that I’ll wake up from.
I know that I have to live with the pain and that I will get through it eventually, whether I want to or not. It’s just that the day to day is so hard right now and I miss her so intensely. It’s also hard to pass the time, since even while still with her that was difficult. Now it feels almost impossible. Even while reading or watching TV, I can still feel the pain. I feel her absence. And I can’t seem to stop the sudden moments of shock accompanied with a sharp pain in my chest when I “realize” that she’s really gone.
I’m glad that you’re not suicidal. The pain breaking up with my ex-gf and having to leave my home and son was too awful for words. I hurt for a very long time. I don’t really know how I got through it but it has faded now, I guess it faded to ok after maybe 3 years or something and now, 6 years later I feel nothing other than a friendly fondness for her although it is always in the back of my mind that she betrayed me. That all kind of happened because of my depression and anxiety and the crunch came for her after I attempted suicide. It really is a betrayal when somebody who said they would always be there for you backs out on that promise. It makes it hard to trust people. But yeah, the hurt and anger went away and I have lived to make new ghastly mistakes 😀