About to commit. That point of no return, where you send out the letters and emails. A Skype video message for my wife. Then its 24 hours to complete the deed. Should only take a few. What a sad way to end. To answer so much pain, by causing pain, to avoid pain. Not at all how I saw things going. Such a shame.
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What can I say… I wish you wouldn’t take that step, and what a hypocrite that makes me. So I do what I would wish for in that situation:
Reflect deeply whether this is really the only option. Even after emails have been any, there is still time to turn back.
On the other hand, if this is what you really need to do, I wish you peace and relief, and even though I don’t know you, really, in my thoughts I’m with you in that lonely place.
* emails have been sent
Honestly, I’m crying. No matter what you had done, I think you are a good person. A bad person is a shameless person, who does bad things then never think about it. You are not like that. You can always back out, there is never a point of no return. One last time, I’m ready to listen to you and be of help as much as I can. I’m regarded by my family, friends and colleagues as a problem solver. I’ve solved some seemingly unsolvable situations in the past. I wish you well.
There is always time to turn back. Nothing is unsolvable.
I hope you can find the peace you need. Hopefully in life.
To avoid pain? I know we never want to think about that, but suicide always brings pain. Sometimes losing a loved one like that is more painful than spending a lifetime making some mistakes and struggling with them. Family and friends always suffer… Pain is not optional.
Love and light.
i wish i could say something and believe in it and make u reconsider…i guess i m fucked up too and don t believe in shit anymore.i get how death is so appealing…end of pain…but still…think before doing it..it s not coming back from it.the only thing that s permanent…and yeah,what a fucking shame…
This is my very last message. Honestly, it pains me to not be able to reach you in any way. You have set your mind to do it, and you’re going to carry on no matter how much you feel it’s a shame and it pains you to do it. I understand 100%. I know you have tried a lot and exhausted the options. Heck, I’m in the same place, that’s how I know. Unbearable pain for 2.5 years and trying everything from the best doctors to shaman healers in Peru. If someone was to come to me here and say that they have a solution to my problem, I would be in disbelief. Yet I know one thing about your problem, and that’s why I can’t help but respond. If you had AIDS, if you had terminal cancer, if you had a stroke that paralyzed you, if you were a schizophrenic that’s completely out of touch with reality, then I would see no way of me being of help to you. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t underestimate the pain of losing loved ones, or the pain of depression or the pain of social anxiety or loneliness, or the pain of life not going the way you imagined it. These pains might be even more excruciating then the physical ones. But there is a caveat. They are mental pains. By definition mental is easier to alter than physical. In the past, I suffered from extreme depression/loneliness/social anxiety, and I vowed to solve it and not kill myself. And I came out on top. I know alot about these things. More then many people in the world do. My sister is a Clinical Psychologist. She actually consults me,because I have given 1/3 of my life to travelling the world and finding the cutting edge on this. Some of them things which are extremely effective but will probably not be mainstream for the 20-30 years to come. Not saying this to brag. Just to say that I might be able to be of help. So I sincerely ask you to defer your plans for a couple of more days, and have a chat with me. You would lose nothing, and you might gain your life back which I know you don’t actually want to lose. If social anxiety is a problem, we can email as well. My email is aaronguner1984@gmail.com . Take care