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why does therapy never help

by ShortOne

i don’t even know why i’m so fucking sad at this point, at first it made a bit of sense cause no one in my household was really okay, or happy for the majority of my life. and i did a few months ago loose my facade and several friends but for fucks sake its been 5 months, years since that family stuff happened and yet i still cry every god damn night i don’t know what to do with myself.

i don’t know why i’m surprised, its not like i’ve ever been able to keep myself together, i learned to lie quick and shield myself cause i didn’t feel safe and that led to me braking down when i was 11-12 because i literally had nowhere i felt i could go for support or nowhere i felt safe. that was the first time my facade broke. i made a mistake (as always) and told my mom i didn’t think i was worth fighting for after she had asked me questions about why i let kids my age step all over me. i felt violated, and i feel so fucking dumb for saying that. they’re my parents, right? so i must be another stupid rebellious teenager. i just don’t like it when they get passed that barrier i never want them to see me that way. i carefuly crafted a daughter for them over the years in order to preserve myself cause i knew a lot of the things i was feeling or thinking were not welcome.

they still aren’t, so that person is going to continue to be me.

i don’t know man, i just always remember being so sad for no reason, getting mad at pointless things and growing such a deep deep hatred for myself that i didn’t know would completely ruin me in the future. i didn’t even know i hated myself honestly. i thought thats just how all people felt about themselves. why would i have thought any different, thats what i lived with all my life.

i started scaring myself when i was 11. sad and afraid as i cried in my bedroom because i felt like i would never be able to do anything i just felt like i had too. i did it on my ankle so it would just look like a scrape. i was 14 when for the first time i was beginning to open up to someone. this was the only person i had ever trusted with anything, really. i wish i didn’t make him go away. i’m sure he doesn’t care for me now.

i wrote this just thinking maybe, putting some of it in words will help me figure it out, maybe if i tell other people it’ll feel better. i don’t know i hope it works, i bank on the anonimity of this website. and the community sense it has. i feel a lot better knowing this is a site for just as fucked up people who don’t even know who i am. so ironically, as closed off as i am this gives me the most backfire free place i’ve been too so far.

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6 comments

Hazy Day Sunflower 1/6/2016 - 10:46 pm

My PITA Social Worker friend would say therapy isn’t working because I’m not letting myself let it help. What? Fist to his face.

I’m not in therapy.

ShortOne 1/6/2016 - 11:00 pm

it nevr works, i didnt really elaborate on that tile now did i. oops. well everyone recovers in their own way and im concerned that your social worker isnt considering the possibility that what youre going through is too consuming for you to be able to make the steps twards progress

bah 1/7/2016 - 12:49 am

Yup. When they’re not helping, they blame YOU. I hate that kinda shit they say.

Mf 1/7/2016 - 12:33 am

It works for some, but you have to allow yourself to be help… nah, just kidding *punches himself*.

That said, it does help some people, but the thing about therapy is that it helps the person to find a suitable answer to their problems, but it’s not the therapist that gives you the answers, you have to find them yourself. Any therapist that tells you what to do, is not a good one imho. Sure, they can give you suggestions, but from the little i’ve seen and know about therapy (and talked to some teachers/psychologists)… the “patient” ends up finding the answers for themselves, at least the majority of the time. For some those interactions are useful, for others… yeah, just a waste of time.

Not interested in life 1/7/2016 - 1:02 am

We don’t go around telling people what to do, unlike some of the therapists (not all are like that)

JudgeMeNot 11/30/2019 - 12:07 pm

Because they only care about your money and not your humility.

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