Braai days are usually a family thing for us. They have been for a very long time. Actually, Fridays were always braai days at home. It’s been a while though since we’ve had a braai day.
Family and friends are all gathered up. I’m cooked up in my room as usual, making ocassional appearances to those who want to see me, then going back to my dark hole. I have an excuse. School. They are not questioning it.
Just remembered a braai day we had in December. I was depressed as fuck. I had an outburst and told my family I’m going to die. Ma was devastated. Pa told me to go ahead. He would bury me as he did my brother. He was drunk.
I ruined that one. I’m staying indoors for this one so I don’t ruin it for everyone.
Anyway, it’s yet another stupid family day to re-inforce the fact that I have to stay alive for these people as long as possible. I wish I didn’t care about my family so much. I’d have ended me a long time ago.
This sucks.
6 comments
It does kind of make you feel trapped when you don’t want to be here but you’re too thoughtful to hurt those who care about you like that doesn’t it? I just recently realized how that felt, after not caring for a long time. It is an odd feeling.
You have no idea. Being stuck and trapped like this is the worst feeling ever. I always feel like I’m being guilt-tripped into staying here. I’m keeping myself alive to make other people happy, when I’m really miserable and see no point in being alive anymore.
There is nothing best than having an excuse, I am using the same one this last weeks. It’s so great it works that I am sure I’ll soon be tired of being in my room. That’s a good thing, maybe in that way I will be able to face the world tomorrow.
Good luck for you
I googled Braai, omg that look amazingly good to eat. Family sucks all around but if there is decent food to eat, sneak down, grab a dish and high tail it upstairs and lock yourself in your room.
Ah yes, you guys call it Barbecue.
You get to witness some funny moments when family is gathered up. Dad dropped and broke a bottle of sealed tomato sauce. Mom got pissed. Dad says it wasn’t his fault, it’s my Mom’s fault, so she should clean it. She gets pissed and I’m laughing my ass off.
It might not be such a bad day after all. I need some laughs once in a while.
🙂