I can’t be losing it again. I refuse to go back to that fucked up, psychotic, suicidal state. At least not for another month. I need my sanity.
…My head is taking me there once again. Especially since everything is falling apart. I might just do it tonight. I have nothing to lose anyway. I have lost everything.
I don’t give a shit about anything. Nothing at all. I mean, not a flying fuck in the world. I seem to have given up on myself. On all that I’ve been working for my whole life, and I’m right about to cross the finish line. I have messed up a lot of shit. Shit I don’t even know how I’m going to rectify.
I mean right now I should be in class, but here I am, sitting in the computer lan, reading posts on here and watching a movie. I mean COME ON YOU DUMB FUCK. GET YOUR SHIT TOGETHER ALREADY. And I’m lying to […]
For fucks sake, I’m not even good at killing myself. I’m a good for nothing piece of shit.
My parents are fucking annoying me. Watching me like I’m a fucking prisoner. I want to die for shits sake. They are making things very hard for me. I swear they even follow me to the bathroom. Keep me in the bedroom. And I’m sleeping on the floor on a mattress in their bedroom. The Fuck!
For the past two nights I’ve been trying, but they always get in the way. I’ll give it another shot tonight. I will have to pretend I’m better so the security loosens […]
I’m dying tonight. A day I’ve been waiting for over 10 years. I’m finally going to die.
Goodbye fucked up world. I’m going to ebjoy burning in hell.
They have taken full control. I try to reach out for help but my entire family insults me for trying. They say some horribl things about me. They don’t care anymore. I guess I have been too much of a nuicance they have had enough of me.
I doubt this week will end with me still among the breathing. I don’t want to be here anymore.
You know you are no longer wanted when your parents tell you to go kill yourself.
Twenty cuts. The blood is beautiful. And I’m not done.
I’VE MISSED MY BLADES
Im fucked up. I’m losing sense of reality. All that is inside me does not want to be here. I am always in fantasy land until someone disturbs me and brings me back to this hell. I hate being alive. I can’t take anymore of this shit
I can’t breathe. I feel like the walls are closing in around me. Thoughts are racing in my head.
I can’t take this anymore.
Every damn day is a struggle. I want out. I can’t take the pain anymore.
The pain won’t go away. It’s crippling. I can’t stop crying. When will this ever end? When will I feel alive? All that gives me peace are thoughts of my death. The only thing that numbs the pain.
How long must I suffer like this? When the hell will I be free?
Can I just die already. I can’t take this shit.
I know I’m really depressed when I can’t even drag myself out of bed. I’ve been in bed all day today. I didn’t go to school. Gave my mother a lame excuse and she finally left me alone.
The only thing that brings me comfort is thoughts of my death. I want it now. But I can’t have it now. Sucks.
I want out.
Been a while. Shit has been happening.
I’m the most negative person I know. I mean, things should be better. I should be feeling better. I should be happy. I am happy, I think. But… There is always a but.
There are voices in my head. Sometimes they are completely quiet, other times it’s like they are screaming. Shouting. Yelling. Even with all the yelling, I can always hear one clearly. End it. End it. It always whispers. Even when all the others are silent. It’s always there. End it.
A month ago the voices got really intense. I was completely psychotic. I can barely even remember the […]
Angry at a certain someone, but still feel okay.
Here’s what a supposed friend of mine said to me a few days ago. Since I’m an internalizer as my therapist calls it, it keeps playing over and over in my head and pissing me off all over again.
I used to feel so sad for you and your family. I’d pray for you guys, for God to comfort you and give you strength. Until I realized you don’t want to get better. Now I feel so sad for your mother, for all she is going through because of your “illness”.
You strike me as one person […]
Yes. I’m okay.
I can finally breathe. Exams are over. 2 rotations down, 4 more to go.
I feel… Alive.
No cutting needed. Haven’t made a cut in over 2 months.
Suicide thoughts… What is that again?
I’m moving on. I’m moving forward. Ylem is getting her life back on track and I couldn’t be happier.
I’ll make a proper update when I’m not as busy. Just wanted to pop in, say hi and see how all of you have been doing.
Keep smiling peeps.
Ylem is out!!
I’m sorry. I’m really sorry. I would do anything to get your forgiveness.
Well… I’ve tried everything.
We all make mistakes. Just one stupid comment and you shut me out.
I’m really sorry. So very sorry.
I won’t bother you anymore. But know… I valued your friendship. I ruined it. I ruined everything. I’m such a fuck up.
I’m sorry. I’m so very sorry.
It feels so nice to say these words and actually mean them.
I just came out of the psych ward today. It wasn’t bad in there. I met a few souls whom I spoke to and connected with on a very different level.
I know I’d been saying all along that the one thing I feared most was being admitted there and being seen by my classmates. But when I was there, I actually didn’t give a fuck. I was there to fix myself.
I’ve made a decision. This is a very serious and important decision for me and I hope I stick to it. No […]
I hate April.
Someone please, beat me till I’m numb. Strangle me… Fucking shatter every bone in my body…
I can feel the pain. The memories flooding my head all at once. I overthink things but this is too much. My thoughts are racing. It feels like last year… Last year’s events are slowly playing out in my head…
I still remember what happened on each day of April. From the first till the 30th. I fucking hate this.
Someone please save me from myself!!!
This is Ylem the Masochist speaking. And no… Not in a sexual way…
I want to strangle myself until I’m blue. Deprive myself of oxygen. That is just the beginning.
I need a whip. Scourge myself to the brink of dead. See flesh peeling off and blood pouring. Beat myself up like a fucking animal that I am.
I want to cut open my veins and watch the blood pour out. Feel dizzy and drained from all the blood loss.
I’m not done.
Bang myself against the wall until I have a concussion and collapse.
To top it all of. Plunge a knife in my gut and hold my intestines in […]