That’s I day that I found out that actually a lot of people here loved me and were really invested in me. A lot more than I thought. Which floored me, if I’m honest.
Some people stepped up that I didn’t even know were lurking. LOL.
God bless the lurkers. Sometimes they are my favorite group of people. Always watching….always monitoring….always caring, even if they don’t feel like they are.
I always imagine them as this cloud of satellites orbiting planet SP. There is a cloud of them so dense it is hard to see the planet some days, others it is like a bee swarm in groups depending on the time of day. They don’t think they care because they don’t comment, but I would bet to differ. Some days I think they care more than I do, because they do the most important thing, which is read the posts and bear witness to everyone’s struggles. Not an easy thing to do.
I would tell her. Just don’t say you’re gonna do it again so u don’t end up in the loony bin. It’s fair game to talk about the past. You may as well be honest. You’re paying her to help you and I think u might benefit from talking about it.
I thought you were Dying Ginny. LOL. Totally off topic I know, but I saw the other day you are actually Dying In NY. LOL. Gosh I miss NYC. Grew up in the suburbs of NYC.
Whiskered doesn’t mind me going off topic this morning. It distracts her from her Dr. Appointment.
I agree with dyinginy, if you want to start walking forward and get better this topic needs to be discussed, Get a game plan in place for when it happens again. What if your internet was down? I think coming here is a brilliant idea, but there needs to be contingency plans in place the possibility that the internet could be down. Plan for the worst, hope for the best.
So honesty is the order of the day. She will ask if you are suicidal today. No respectable dr is going to commit you inpt if you are not actively homicidal or suicidal. I used to work in that field and the only time we were ever concerned was if they were actively suicidal or homicidal. It is a liability issue. Be honest, then make some game plans about how you will handle it when it happens again. It will happen again, the trick it is have things in place to allow you to deal with it. This can work well, you just need the plan.
I am going to add this too, because I really care about you and see a lot of myself in you. I say this because you have the rare ability to honestly reflect about how you are feeling, not easy for a 47 year old woman to do much less someone more or less half that age.
I used to go from manic episode to manic episode destroying my life and relationships. I would cruise high as a kite for weeks and ultimately crash and dismantle everything I had accomplished. I did this for years. Even after being diagnosed I did this for year, let the bipolar control me instead of using it as a tool.
Use mental illness as a tool you ask? Absolutely. Use it, don’t let it use you. So I began using the times I was in a really good head space to get the things done I knew I wouldn’t be able to once I crashed. Instead of living in fear of the depression, I would plan for the depression.
Plan for the depression? Who the hell does that? I thought that was what all the medicine was for, to stop the depression? Well yes and no. The medicine helps alleviate the symptoms but truthfully, this is how I’m built. No amount of medicine is going to rewrite my genetic code. So I plan for the depression. Get the things done that need to be done, put things in place for when I am depressed. It may be any number of things, but the trick is to plan for the depression to be manageable. I did a really poor job of planning for the depression last week. I thought I could just power through the week with no plans. I didn’t plan at all and found myself in a really bad place. I almost cancelled my piano lessons. What stopped me was the agreement I made with myself earlier in life. I try not to let the depression talk to me, boss me around. When I picked up the phone to cancel my piano lessons (because truthfully what is the point of piano lessons anyway? It’s stupid and I’m too old to be doing silly things like play the piano—THAT is the depression talking) I said “HDS, you made these plans when you were feeling good because you knew it would add value to your life, your life needs value even if you don’t think so right at this minute” so I put down the phone and waited. Now I have a piano and lessons to look forward to. Plan for the depression when you feel well. You know where you are going, the depression is an old friend, but instead of letting your old friend come into your house and eat all your food, drink all your booze and partially burn down the spare bedroom in a drunken haze, keep track of your old friend and make sure she doesn’t try to burn down your home.
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What happened?
Last week, I tried to kill myself. Posted a suicide note here, and was talked down by pretty much the entire forum.
Simply doing a public service.
That’s I day that I found out that actually a lot of people here loved me and were really invested in me. A lot more than I thought. Which floored me, if I’m honest.
Some people stepped up that I didn’t even know were lurking. LOL.
God bless the lurkers. Sometimes they are my favorite group of people. Always watching….always monitoring….always caring, even if they don’t feel like they are.
I always imagine them as this cloud of satellites orbiting planet SP. There is a cloud of them so dense it is hard to see the planet some days, others it is like a bee swarm in groups depending on the time of day. They don’t think they care because they don’t comment, but I would bet to differ. Some days I think they care more than I do, because they do the most important thing, which is read the posts and bear witness to everyone’s struggles. Not an easy thing to do.
I would tell her. Just don’t say you’re gonna do it again so u don’t end up in the loony bin. It’s fair game to talk about the past. You may as well be honest. You’re paying her to help you and I think u might benefit from talking about it.
I thought you were Dying Ginny. LOL. Totally off topic I know, but I saw the other day you are actually Dying In NY. LOL. Gosh I miss NYC. Grew up in the suburbs of NYC.
Whiskered doesn’t mind me going off topic this morning. It distracts her from her Dr. Appointment.
Haha. I get that a lot. I think I was drunk when I signed up and didn’t give it much thought.
I use the same excuse for anything that occurred in 1991.
I agree with dyinginy, if you want to start walking forward and get better this topic needs to be discussed, Get a game plan in place for when it happens again. What if your internet was down? I think coming here is a brilliant idea, but there needs to be contingency plans in place the possibility that the internet could be down. Plan for the worst, hope for the best.
So honesty is the order of the day. She will ask if you are suicidal today. No respectable dr is going to commit you inpt if you are not actively homicidal or suicidal. I used to work in that field and the only time we were ever concerned was if they were actively suicidal or homicidal. It is a liability issue. Be honest, then make some game plans about how you will handle it when it happens again. It will happen again, the trick it is have things in place to allow you to deal with it. This can work well, you just need the plan.
I am going to add this too, because I really care about you and see a lot of myself in you. I say this because you have the rare ability to honestly reflect about how you are feeling, not easy for a 47 year old woman to do much less someone more or less half that age.
I used to go from manic episode to manic episode destroying my life and relationships. I would cruise high as a kite for weeks and ultimately crash and dismantle everything I had accomplished. I did this for years. Even after being diagnosed I did this for year, let the bipolar control me instead of using it as a tool.
Use mental illness as a tool you ask? Absolutely. Use it, don’t let it use you. So I began using the times I was in a really good head space to get the things done I knew I wouldn’t be able to once I crashed. Instead of living in fear of the depression, I would plan for the depression.
Plan for the depression? Who the hell does that? I thought that was what all the medicine was for, to stop the depression? Well yes and no. The medicine helps alleviate the symptoms but truthfully, this is how I’m built. No amount of medicine is going to rewrite my genetic code. So I plan for the depression. Get the things done that need to be done, put things in place for when I am depressed. It may be any number of things, but the trick is to plan for the depression to be manageable. I did a really poor job of planning for the depression last week. I thought I could just power through the week with no plans. I didn’t plan at all and found myself in a really bad place. I almost cancelled my piano lessons. What stopped me was the agreement I made with myself earlier in life. I try not to let the depression talk to me, boss me around. When I picked up the phone to cancel my piano lessons (because truthfully what is the point of piano lessons anyway? It’s stupid and I’m too old to be doing silly things like play the piano—THAT is the depression talking) I said “HDS, you made these plans when you were feeling good because you knew it would add value to your life, your life needs value even if you don’t think so right at this minute” so I put down the phone and waited. Now I have a piano and lessons to look forward to. Plan for the depression when you feel well. You know where you are going, the depression is an old friend, but instead of letting your old friend come into your house and eat all your food, drink all your booze and partially burn down the spare bedroom in a drunken haze, keep track of your old friend and make sure she doesn’t try to burn down your home.
Good Luck! I’ll be thinking of you.