It just makes me angry I guess. Them thinking that the moment they found out I was suicidal, that I suddenly got better in the blink of an eye, after a freaking year of thoughts about ways to die, and what dying would feel like.
I hate that they think I’m all better now. I hate them for thinking that they can fix me. I hate them for thinking I’m sick. I hate them for thinking that I know nothing about what’s going on around me. I DO! I know more than they do, I know exactly what I was doing, that’s why I did it.
The other day, I was sitting in car with my mum, and the conversation went something like this:
Mum: Cutting doesn’t make you look beautiful. It’s not pretty.
Me” *silent*
Mum: Just ask *Friends name* daughter. Their going to me there forever.
NO SHIT THEIR GOING TO BE THERE FOREVER! OF COURSE THEIR NOT PRETTY! THEY AREN’T SUPPOSE TO BE FUCKING PRETTY! THEY AREN’T SUPPOSE TO BE FUCKING SEEN! WHY THE FUCK WOULD I SHOW PEOPLE?
I know you think I’m doing this for attention, but I’m not, and you thinking that only makes me want to die more.
Thanks mum.
3 comments
Uhh, I personally don’t understand why anyone would cut themselves, but whatever floats your boat. Anger and hate are pretty strong emotions. I think it’s more mature to be disappointed and forgiving instead. Js
Cutting is pretty addictive as it distracts you momentarily from the emotional pain. Drinking/ drugs are used in a similar fashion by some so different strokes 4 different folks I guess.
I used to cut all the time but ditched it for chemical escapes. Now I just want the ultimate escape, none of this cutting or drugging b.s.
I feel it. I hate it when they don’t take you seriously and think they can fix you with some stupid ass super simple shit. Like we’re some fucking retards. You think I don’t fucking know already? What you need is love, but all they offer is advice. They don’t understand. I think they have the best intentions, but I can relate, it really hurts when your mom says stuff like that. When she doesn’t get it, when she doesn’t believe you. Is there anyone else in your life who could understand? I don’t know if this is feasible for you, but counseling has been really helpful for me, it’s helped me see what the underlying issues are, and find ways to cope. I’m not cured, but I’m on the path to being somewhat better I think. If you can, I would ask your mom about counseling. I hope you feel better, I know that everyone says shit like that but I mean it.