I am at the breaking point! I have almost gone a full year without cutting myself, and thought my life was getting a better to the point I feel happiness for the first time in a long. Yet my past finds ways to remind me why my life is not worth living, along with being disgrace and will not amount to anything in life. I am afraid to talk to someone because, I do not want to scare or lose people in my life or seen as though I am looking for attention because I am not! I try so hard to get my life together and reach my goals but no matter what I do it will never be enough. It is getting a lot tougher in University, I try my all to make my parents proud however when I do good on assignment, I can tell that from the look in their eyes that it was not good enough. I also am stressing over my body image knowing that I am screwed for being fat, ugly, and stupid will get me no where in life. I am working out more now yet when I do go for a job, I get so many odd looks and hear people make hurtful as soon as they think I’m earshot away (which sadly I am not), it makes me want to stay in my dorm and hide away from society or just not exist anymore. It hurts to be called fat, fugly, crazy, stupid, and ect… I try to stay optimistic, but really I started drinking alone in my bedroom hoping the alcohol will numb the pain or at least give me the courage to commit suicide.
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If u need someone to talk to u can have my email if u like
Hi blue rose, I like your name. And if you keep on pushing yourself and working on those goals.. It may not seem like its amounting, but it is. And the fact that you’re doing the work in uni and for you. Results do come. Im sorry your past haunts you. Mine does too, its something i have to live with forever and the reminding does hurt. I wanted to comment for you earlier when i read this an hour ago. Oh and other ppl saying the hurtful things. Alot of ppl in the world do that to eachother. I wish ppl had more respect for themselves and eachother. It is hurtful but if you keep doing the work and pushing on through it. And not caring what others think and say to you, about you. It is hard especially hearing it. But i hope you can block the negative out from those kinds of ppl.
I like that you try to stay optimistic. I used to be that way, think like that, with optimism. But i had alot of times where my optimistic ideals reall just got the better of me. Ten fold. But if I could be like you, like I used to.. It would be great or atleast an ounce worth wanting to live for myself again. But time and time again, i was shown and had my ass handed to me. Remaining thoughtful and positive helps, can help. I hope you feel better soon, if you can allow it.for yourself