I’ve had an urge to cut my face for days now. It started off as a punishment from the voices, and then grew into a constant topic for them and Bree to talk about. This then became an actual urge on my part. I wanted to slice into my face.
And tonight I finally caved. Admittedly, it’s not as deep as I wanted it to be. Though, it’s deep enough for it to bleed for a little under 6 minutes. Despite the relief of actually doing it, I’m worried about tomorrow.
This isn’t the first time I’ve cut my face, and my mum knows that. She thinks it’s my rings or the dog scratching me, though. This, however, will be hard to lie about. Too deep for either of those things. Too long. Too straight. It goes from my cheek bone to almost the bottom of my ear, so it’s fairly big. Oh well, I’ll find some excuse. Say I was using the scalpel late at night and my hand slipped as I was putting the cap back on.
My face burns now, and it’s calming the anxiety of tomorrow’s confrontation about it. I also see my therapist tomorrow morning, and this will be her 4th time seeing some form of cut on my face in the past few months. Fun.
4 comments
Face cuts are interesting…. I’ve only cut my face a few times too…. Always only one cut…. Always fairly shallow…. left one scar (which gets covered by my facial hair) which when people notice is hard to explain away…. it’s not a horrible scar but it is still annoying…. the next day was hard, mostly kept my face down and let my hair fall in front of it…. I’m sort of hoping that you have long hair, that will make it a bit easier…. I do hope that the scar isn’t too bad (I still hope that even if you hope otherwise(which I also understand)) as scars really are not great to have…. Good luck with your therapist tomorrow…. also *hugs* I hope that life treats you well at least for a little bit.
by interesting I don’t mean interesting…. confusing should have been my word of choice…. I just realized that word wasn’t a good choice…. sorry -_-
Do you think maybe the cutting and therapist are related? If this is the forth time seeing the therapist with a cut. I wonder.
keep it clean and dry. I don’t have much else to say. I wish I could quiet the voices for you. You are really a special person.
Hey Jiminy, I just wanted to say hi and that I hope you’re coping okay today. I just rediscovered this site after a year or two, I was skimming recent posts and yours caught my eye because I cut too, and then you’re such a good writer, I ended up reading several of your older posts too. By which I mean all, because my OCD kicked in, embarrassing but true. ^^;;
Id like to second what Hazy said, you seem like really quite a lovely person. I really feel for you that you’re struggling with so much. You’re an extremely talented artist and writer, and clearly extremely smart. I’m so sorry you’re not getting the kind of support you deserve at home.
Fwiw, like others here, I believe you know the truth of your life better than anyone else. I hope you’ll keep letting us know how you’re doing. If I were still a teen myself, and didn’t live a continent away, you’re just the type of person I would be glad to know. In fact, you remind me of a few of my friends who have similar struggles to yours.
Anyway, just wanted to throw another voice into the mix, and say that for whatever it’s worth, I think you seem like an amazing human being. I look forward to hearing more from you–please let us know how you’re doing. Take care.