I always come on here for a while then I get off, and when I come back no one really remembers who I am, but I’m back. I stopped posting for a long time because I attempted suicide and I think I was too ashamed of myself to share it with anyone. No one knows about it but me and I think that if I don’t share it it’s easier for me to pretend it didn’t happen. I took two months dose of Wellbutrin (an antidepressant), a month’s worth of Lexapro, and a few codeine ( I didn’t have access to more otherwise I would have taken more and maybe it would have worked). All that happened was I threw up for three days straight and I off and on I hallucinated I was in the movie Hellraiser (which is a strange and terrifying thing to hallucinate). I just told everyone I had the stomach flu, and like I said before I think I almost had myself convinced it didn’t happen if I weren’t sharing it here now. I also frequently leave here just because I don’t feel very accepted here.
When I was on here I frequently made posts about my severe cutting scars on my arm. They are healing but will be visible forever and it’s becoming more difficult to hide them, I also live in a community where it is completely unacceptable to have them. Long story short, if these people I know find out I have them I will lose a lot. So my parents want me to go see a dermatologist, but they can’t do anything for them, I know. I need them completely gone, which won’t happen. So I’ve decided I have to find a way to burn over them (sound ridiculous, but I’m desperate) So then they will just look like burn scars. I’m not sure how I will do it yet.
Anyway, I just wanted to get that stuff off my mind, I just share here to vent so please don’t go off and insult me.
2 comments
Hey, this place was made for the pleasurable act of venting. I also doubt anybody would insult you for the things that you did, or maybe I’m too naive. Anyway, I would advise against the burn idea. There’s so many things that can go wrong with that. Go to the dermatologist and see what he/she can do for you. If he/she can’t do anything that’s the way things go. And in any case, those scars are a part of you. They show what you went through, and what you are going through. It’s the community’s problem if they find it unacceptable. A non-fucked up community would react with support and love if they see the scars. O and I would advise against any new scars, find something to replace the cutting. Like a hobby, exercise, or just listening to music.
I’ve stopped, these scars are a year old and I haven’t done it sense then, but I pay to keep my horses at these people’s place and it’s very difficult to hide it from them. They frequently talk bad about mental illness and people who cut, and I know if they know they would kick my horses off the property and the only other places I could keep them in such a small area would cost way too much for me to afford. They are my hobby and really my only support and I would probably go off the deep end if I lost them so that’s why I need to be rid of them.