I really want to cut myself right now, I keep thinking about it…. I have a thing tomorrow, I’m not that prepared, I should have prepared better it isn’t going to go well…. I’ve been eating too much food I’m going to gain a bunch of weight -_- I was sort of happy when I lost like 12 pounds when I was sick, which really is concerning, since I was barely 140 pounds before that…. I really should gain weight, but either way I should eat better…. two bags of Doritos in like one sitting probably isn’t great…. also with a can of store bought cheese dip stuffs…. And a sandwich…. Not ideal, and also sort of too much, I actually digested this too, so there is no going back now 🙁 Why don’t I want to take care of myself? I don’t understand why sometimes I want to be frail and underweight (actual goal) and scared up…. These are things that I actually want for myself…. I’m probably going to do something to myself tonight, I see my counselor later today, I don’t think I’ll tell him if I do something…. I’m going to get “better” so I won’t see him anymore and stop costing my father money.
I hate myself -_-