I can’t sleep when I want to, and am now up for far longer than I want to be…. I hate this….
I kind of want to talk about more, but I also don’t…. I don’t know why I want to post but I do, even if I don’t have much to post about. Maybe it’ll help me feel less lonely, I am having less interaction with the people I know now as of late…. Maybe it’s due to the holiday things that happened? I’m uncertain.
There’s also something bothering me, and I did just remember it, but wanted to complete my thought before writing it down, but I forgot it almost instantly…. It’s weird, I know there’s a thing that’s been bothering me for a long time, but every time I think about it, I can only really focus on it for a few moments, then instantly drift out of thought and forget what it was…. It annoys me, I don’t know what it is so I can’t fix it but I know it’s a thing.
I also hate being called by my father when he’s drunk, it was very clear that he was…. He can’t hold a conversation, and then just randomly starts swearing and such…. And I love how he tried to be “accepting” of if I wasn’t straight by being like “I don’t care if you like men or women, just as long as it’s somebody”…. That’s lovely…. I don’t feel sexual attraction at all, so that’s great…. Even when followed up with “it’s wrong to not want sex.” which was said by him…. So that’s great. I just love when he goes on drunken rants like that…. Not that I’ve ever really spoken to any people in my family about probably being asexual, but I also haven’t exactly ever dated anybody as far as they know either so, I’m sure they probably assume various things there. :/
I hate being me.