I went out tonight and drank some beers. I go over to this pool haul across the street from my house where they have a bar and I get some drinks. I usually sit with this older lady who almost always buys me some drinks. I got pretty dam buzzed. Or drunk might be a better word for it. So I biked home… I played a video game while I was drunk for a while and then passed out in bed. lol. Now I just woke up and its 1:47 am where I am and I am just waking up. But of course my head is ringing with a hang over. When I go out to drink I usually go out early > because its happy hour and the beers are cheap. So I either go out to the bar about 4 PM and by 7 pm I am done. 3 plus hours of drinking beers and shooting the shit is about all I can take. By the time i get home I am drunk as a skunk but at least I don’t drive home. I pedal my bicycle over to the bar when I drink there. so I dont have to drink and drive or get into a car with somebody else who has been drinking. I don’t like the whole drinking and driving thing. The bad thing with me is when I am drunk i sometime get a bit raunchy with my mouth. I start talking about all the shit I want to do with the hot looking waitresses there and I sometimes i get in trouble with that kind of talk and I have to go back the next day and apologize. lol
well anyway i am just posting because I am hung over and dont know what to do with myself. I have been doing ok with the suicide thing. I used to be so suicidal > like really really suicidal all the time. I wanted to die so bad I could taste death in my mouth all the time. Now I still think about death a lot. I would really like to experience death sometimes. But I don’t want to try suicide anymore. Probably because I have had like more then 5 suicide attempts and none of them did me any good. I guess I suck at killing myself. lol I cant believe all the shit I did to myself to try and end my life back a while ago and still lived. I really cant believe it and the doctors that saw me > cant believe I lived either. Dam. Well I guess I have gotten to a place where > if I did all the stuff to try and kill myself back when things were that bad > but lived. Then maybe suicide is just not for me. Maybe the big guy upstairs… Yes I do believe in god. Maybe he has some other plan for me.. or that he wants me to not die that way.
I really have gotten to that point. Where after 5 or more really serious suicide attempts that failed that maybe its just NOT for me. Maybe Life is just not going to let me die that way > and well things have gotten better for me and I actually kind of like my life right now. so well I keep going.
I am going to keep living for as long as I can and see what happens. But I still need the SP forum to vent here and there and I love the people here and this site helps me to stay alive. So thanks for reading my long winded drunken hungover rant. LOL
PEACE – I wish you all the BEST!!!
PS… I found that drinking a lot of water is the best thing for a hangover.
4 comments
I think you are right, after that many attempts there has got to be a reason you are still here. Somebody or something you have to help or be a part of. I believe there is a reason for things we don’t always understand at the time.
Glad you’re still around.
thanks Tired123
Yeah I am really starting to believe that. Given the fact that I had really serious suicide attempts but yet didn’t die. To me its like a clear sign that life just doesn’t want me to go that way.
Now I have this craving to try and find a better purpose for myself and I believe you are right. I think my purpose has something to do with helping other people out. I am working on that.
thanks.
I have noticed that your replies here are very helpful. Maybe someone here needs to hear something you have to say. Or you will be in the right place at the right time and may not even know it. 🙂
I am happy that you’re still alive, you’re pre nice and your art is always fascinating.
I’m just trying to wrap my mind around imaging what it would be like to ride a bike while drunk…. I would imagine it wouldn’t be that easy…. I’m sort of just picturing you riding like 4 miles per hour down the side walk in not a straight line and falling every few feet…. -_- I’m assuming that’s not the case but I’m having fun with that mental image…. But at least you aren’t driving, that’s good 😀 Is harder to kill people with a bike.