I think the older I get the less reasons I can find to want to live… and the more reasons I can find to justify suicide. LOL
SO I am 44 years of age now. I can only imagine that it will be just another few years I can take before I go OFT myself. LOL
I hope I die by natural causes soon so… I wont actually have to go through with hanging myself. lol
23 comments
I can relate. Hope things improve for you.
Thanks for letting me know that I am not alone in feeling this way.
But its just how I really feel. When you are young you are youthful and energetic and you dont know about the hardships of life yet and things are new and fresh and exciting. But as I get older… and I am getting older now. There are less things to get excited about and more bullshit to deal with. So I really am getting to this place where OFTING myself becomes a more viable idea year after year. So how many more years do I have? Not that many. If I can make it to 50 that would be a stretch. lol
Totally get it.
Yeah, you know Life isnt that bad for a certain amount of time maybe. Like say the first 40 years. But once you start getting up to your mid 40’s like me > its like Come on. How much more of this bullshit can I take. LOL. I think Life should come with an OFF switch so when your sick and tired of it all you can just flip that breaker switch and be done with it.
Agreed.
The thing right now in my life is I really don’t want to be alive in this life anymore. BUT > I really don’t want to kill myself either. So I kind of go through each day just hoping that somehow I will just drop dead or maybe some tragic accident will happen and kill me quickly. LOL
just a observation my bother, your talking about how bad things are more and more, how fucked up the world is, blah blah, me and you could go toe to toe, i’ve been around 15 more years, OK we both have different problems but suffering is suffering, just watch your step MISTER! Stop looking for reasons to do it, OK! that’s not a good path to be on all the time. we will die make no mistake! but your not dead so think about how to survive too. balance the scale. 🙂
Yeah you are right. Normally I am a pretty positive person and doing a real good job of making the best of things. Other times. I get fed up with somethings in life and need to vent. I guess I am venting a lot tonight. LOL But I usually do throw in the LOL which kind of means I am like ind of joking about the subject. So dont worry you probably wont find me dead anytime soon.
thanks.
ok just checking on ya!
I hear ya’.
It’s cute how you add LOL. Makes it sound like you’re moreso joking than serious, though I know how you feel. However, I almost got hit by lightning from a thunderstorm yesterday, and I was like… you know what? I want to live to die another day.
Moments like that can make you stop and think.
Yeah I guess that is true. I have had some brushes with death and yes it can be scary. So part of the time we are good and enjoy life. Other times we are not doing so good and wonder what its like to die. even other times we have a brush with death and they wan to live to die another day… just like you said. LOL I guess humans really dont make much sense do we???
58 and still in the torture chamber too. Yes, it’s painfully hard. Depression and life don’t mix.
Yeah Life and depression is not a wonderful thing. Its a battle and the battle can be rough.
I wish life had a cap on it. Like you live to some certain age…then we all die at that age… instead of having to chug along not knowing exactly when your going to croak. That is where suicide comes in. Suicide is taking the death thing into your own hands and getting it done when you yourself just know your done. lol
Me I know its inevitable that I will die by suicide by the age of 50 if I don’t die by some other way before hand. (no offense to anybody over the age of 50) I am just not one to want to live a super long life in this world the way it is currently.
56 and pretty much seems like it’s the same hole I stumbled into when I was 11. No better, no worse. I’m different, though. More resources available to harm myself. More knowledge. More experiences with aftermaths due to those who checked out before me. More patience.
Wow. Well I have to say that my depression didn’t start as young as yours did. I didn’t start to think about suicide until I was 30 ish. When I was a child I did have a really bad childhood but for some reason I never thought of suicide and don’t think I had real depression. I think I had mental issues and emotional scars from my painful childhood > but I found ways to always be able to deal with my issues and press forward. It wasnt until I was about 30 and I started to have serious medical problems and financial problems and all the emotional baggage that goes with it did I start to think about ending my own life. And YES. as you say I would say I have more patience now too. So I have to say Suicide is always on my mind… but I am just biding my time and trying to live as long as I can before I go through with it.
You should Google “suicide demographics”. Very interesting.
Men are 3.5X more likely to commit suicide than women. Women attempt more often, but men are more successful at getting the job done (statistically).
People over the age age of 85 are the #1 demographic. (White men).
White men between the ages of 45-64 are a close second.
These statistics are difficult to compile because sometimes it’s not known if the deceased chose to end their life, or if their passing was an accident. The stats only reflect confirmed suicides. (Some suicides aren’t officially recorded as such).
Anyway, it’s interesting reading if you care to delve into the topic.
Hey Morris. thanks for sharing that information. Yes I have read up on demographics about suicide. I have read up on the subject of suicide from all angles….as it is a subject I am interested in. I have been fascinated by the subject of suicide and euthanasia for a long time now and have read up all kinds of books and resources on it.
Yeah I can see why people that make it up to the age of 85 would be in a high suicide margin as>.. well life gets pretty rough when you get that old. I mean I know people who are in their 80’s and 90’s and non of them are happy. Most of them talk about how they just want to ‘go home’ to be with the Lord. Which is a nice way of saying. I just want to die.
and Yes you are right > I know for sure that there are a lot of suicide deaths that go unreported.
I would really like to know what the real suicide numbers are. Probably much higher then the ones reported. I mean I know of a number of people who lived wrecklessly and died. and you have to think > well if they did reckless things and then died > isn’t that a kind of a suicide.
what about a lot of drug overdoses and car accidents. Dont you think that some people just say to themselves FUCK it. I dont want to live anymore. Let me get some drugs and overdose. Or let me just fly through this intersection and hit the concrete wall and it will be over > but those types of deaths don’t go on record as a suicide.
I also think that euthanasia or what we would call. Assisted suicide should be legal and available for people who don’t want to live anymore. People should have access to some kind of way to end their life painlessly and quickly if that is something they truly want to do.
that’s my take on it.
I am 38 and feel I’m on the downward slope now, since I developed chronic illness in my early 30’s. My chances of getting healthy are nearly 0, and my will to try to make it happen even lower. Honestly, my best years are behind me.
Hi Zelda. Yes I am in the same boat. I have a painful Chronic disability that prevents me from having a normal life… and it causes me to suffer a lot and its not ever going to get better its only going to get worse. SO yeah, I am in the same boat. I am 44 years of age and the best years of my life are behind me and I truly don’t know how much more I can take. I am on the downward slope with you. I wish you the best. I wish you peace
Last night, I got set in my mind exactly the “how”. I have been mulling over two different “how’s” for awhile, but finally eliminated one of them, leaving just one. I’m happy with it. It seems to be almost everything I could hope for. I just don’t know the “when” yet.
Thank you for your wishes of peace 🙂
What is your illness?
The older I get, the worse my debilitating health issues get, so really if I can just hang in there awhile longer, I’m sure to die of SOMETHING. Right?
(Half-joking)
(Half not.)
Yeah it sucks to have bad health issues that are getting worse over time. Its hard just to deal with the pain and discomfort of the disability issues… and then on top of that to have to deal with the emotional and depressive aspects of it. also for me > my disability issues run over into and negatively effect my social life, my financial life and make my whole dam life pretty much a depressing time,.
The thing with me is my disability issues are not going to kill me. Only make me suffer a lot of pain and all the other problems I just mentioned. That is why I am partially suicidal all the time.
I mean If I had an illness that would kill me then I would just hang in there and let it run its course… but me my disability just makes my life harder and harder and more painful but it wont kill me. That is why I struggle with wanting to kill myself. lol
yeah I know what you mean about the Half Kidding > Half Not.
I try to make Jokes of all this… but its all true too.