I’m a month out of psychiatric ward and for the last ten days my internet was off. When you’re an almost psychotically depressed hermit like me needless to say you can’t do without the net for long. I’ve been researching suicide methods and they all seem complicated, thinking of drowning but opinions on whether that’s painless or not are mixed.
Since my depression worsened earlier this year I’ve begun to see the world as even more brutal animalistic place, it’s quite terrifying. I think I’ve reached the point of no return – even the things I’d accepted about myself – social isolation, ugliness, social inadequacy – seem to be at the forefront of my mind again. Feels like I’m being forced into ending my agony, even though that agony will cause severe misery for those I leave behind.
11 comments
I feel the same way about ending my agony and thinking about the agony that I’m about cause for my family. That’s what I pretty much think about most of day. I can even hear my sister screaming right now, on when my mom tells her that I killed myself.
Have you tried Electroconvulsive therapy (ECT)? I’m doing it right now. It didn’t really work for me (cause I’m killing myself in a couple of weeks) but it might work for you
I’ve asked about it but they appear to think I’m not ill enough to receive it. I disagree. What did you have to go through before they offered you ECT?
Me being admitted to the psych ward alot of times. I been sent to the hospital at least once a year since 2008, for suicide attempts, threatening to kill myself, and paranoid thoughts. Maybe you haven’t been sent to the psych ward enough times. I remember in 2009 or 2010 asking the doctor about ect and he said they pretty much do that as a last resort. It could work for you, it did not for me. My entire life is a mess and nothing cannot fix it. Nothing
Did you not notice any difference? I seriously feel close to insanity, that’s why I think they should offer it me.
Me personally, no. I dont feel any different since last year. But im sure ECT works on people. Keep in mind Ive been on alot of different medications and been in and out of hospital since 2008. I’m no expert on mental health but what I read in your post above I think you should try it. I think your depression is worse than mine. How much times have you been in hospital?
See below.
i’m kind of tired myself, drowning? hum? OK trying to picture this, there are a lot of scenarios that come to mind, 1st you need make sure there is no escape, so you rent a small motor boat you won’t need it for long 1 hr rental should do it, and remove the life jacket head full speed a head! about 3 miles out! crashing through the waves! you stand at the bow with your arms extended screaming i’m king of the world!! and jump off! you watch as the boat disappears, thinking to yourself this might be a bad idea??? as your bobbing up and down! you begin to panic! HELP! HELP! WHILE YOU SUCKING UP SEA WATER LIKE A SPONGE!! Your little arms and legs are getting tired while you relentlessly try to remain above the water line!! as you dog paddle!!! glug! glug! taking in water! your pathetic life starts to flash before your eye’s! all the sudden that little ***** you had a crush on when you were 10 years old appears! you know the one you never got to kiss because she might of had cooties!! but now she’s naked screaming she wants to jump your bones!!! your grasping for air trying to yell wait! wait! but she disappears! as you begin to sink! then with your eye’s wide open you hear your mother voice! yelling at you open the door!! why are you taking so long to go to the bathroom! you yell coming mother!!! then you see the sharks circling! awwww!!! don’t eat me!!!! then you wake up! thinking to yourself hum? the drowning idea stinks! back to the drawing board!!! 🙂
Just the once, last month. Hated it, rather die than go back in. I think because I appear coherent they think I’m not so bad. But I am.
Thats probably why they didn’t do it. It’s going to take alot of hospitalizations and bunch of different medications before they do it. I’ve been in the hospital at least once every year since 2008 and kept on switching my meds each time. They finally recommended ECT for me this past febuary when I was in the psych ward. And the doctor I had in 2010 said that they pretty much do it as a last resort. Maybe they haven’t found the right meds for you
I don’t know how long I can wait. I don’t have the will to live, I cannot get out of bed until early evening. Soon it will be colder and I always feel much worse then. I’m truly in hell.
@nuclearbackpack well i really dont know what to tell other than to get back to the hospital. maybe if you ask them hard enough, they will do the ECT. if i was your doctor, i will give it to you. what you are telling me, you seem like you are in a really dark spot. i havent really been depressed to the point i cant get out of my bed. i just lost will to live cause i fucked my life one to many times. and im not going to recommend that you kill yourself, cause im not that type of person and i dont want anyone to go down the same dark path im about to take. ive been trying to kill myself for 8 years now and the doctor i had during my last admission finally recommend that i do ECT, after being on different of anti psychotics and anti depressants.
the only thing i will say is that go back to the hospital, and beg them for them to do ECT. thats the best advice i can give you